I am a male, still young, but I am most likely older than you probably think.
I live in America, this is a place were greed, lies, and aggressiveness have overcome the values of health, happiness, and peace. I am not referring to just the politics, I am referring to everyone. I cannot turn my head without witnessing bullying, toxic addicting foods, absolutely no leadership offered by those who were elected into government positions, and general soon-to-be facism. I hate this place. Currently, I have no friends or caring family, I can’t feel happiness, and I am constantly restless. I feel like I am being sucked dry by the toxicity of the country. They will not leave me alone. The schools keeps pestering me, literally threatening to arrest my guardians if I do not attend. I do not like American public schools. Now I love learning, and have taught myself everything from cooking, to piano playing, but this insane illusion that you can “mass produce” education is a complete abomination on the face of common sense. Education takes passion and will, but that’s not my point.
I don’t like this place, as you know. But the thing is, I can’t escape it. For the last year I have been immensely depressed and have been scavenging my thoughts for some reason to live on. I cannot find any. I’ve acquired a gun, and have pointed it at myself countless times now. I am still very unsure if I will do it, like having stomach nausea, not being sure if you will actually throw up or not. The one thing that is keeping me back is, I want to die. I love life, and want to live it, but in this society, I can’t live. It’s draining, it’s horrible, it’s facist, and it pressures me everyday to conform and partake. It threatens to arrest me, my family, and it has forced me to point a gun at my own head. I don’t know what to do.
My entire life has been a never ending purgatory of hatred and judgment by society, and I don’t want to live anymore.
11 comments
…and no one wants to hear “it’s society’s fault,” so they’ll just pretend you’re wrong, and tell you to get with the program… “because that’s how things are done.”
What a thought provoking post. As a twenty year old who was bullied constantly for being different, I hated school despite doing well initially. But as you said, this whole idea of mass produced education which was must conform to is severely flawed because education takes passion and will, something that began to diminish in me over the years. I love learning and bettering myself as a person intellectually but eventually I didn’t care anymore. And now my future looks rather bleak because my grades are terrible. I’ve always been a bit more of an artistic person though and am currently seeking employment within the arts industry, without much success. My suicidal thoughts continue to strengthen daily. Soon it will be too late.
Dont kill yourself to escape the illusion, kill yourself cause you have outgrown it.
If you think America is bad, check out some of the tropical paradises in Africa and South America. The USA is boring compared to the insanity that carries on in those places.
The saving grace of living in a place like the US is that you still have the ability to reject contemporary values and strike your own path, to a greater extent than in other parts of the world. Prostitution and slavery are illegal here, so human trafficking and forced indentured servitude isn’t the norm. Also, the government provides a sufficient means of welfare to keep people from having to sleep in hovels and filthy slums (to a reasonable degree – there are exceptions, but it’s not the norm). There’s still clay to work with to mold a better life in whatever shape you wish to make it. If you lived in Indonesia or Burma, or some place like that, you would have far fewer options, and far less ability to reject those values.
@lorax
Why include Indonesia as a country of poor opportunity? The cost of living there is miniscule by comparison to any western nation and the Indonesians I’ve met in my travels have all seemed much happier than I.
Also, the other country you used as an example hasn’t been called “Burma” in the past 25 years…
Society is the byproduct of culture and culture is fabricated by those who are incharge of the industries which regulate and produce it. (The media) I don’t believe that it’s intrinsic human nature that is perpetuating this “toxicity” that you are describing, and because of this this allows for reform and change to happen when the population is made aware and collectively changes for the better. Culture reform is possible and is absolutely clear by looking back on archaic trends. With guidance I believe that culture will eventually transition into a positive one, I would stick around if I were you. The current structure the US is founded on (capitalism and being a democratic republic) is inevitably destined for dismemberment as it’s not a sustainable system. When faced with the demise of it change will occur.
I also don’t believe the general public is as malicious and/or incompetent as you describe, although I would 100% agree that the population is naive or ignorant, both willful and not. I believe the average person is good as crime and destruction are not an excessive part of the average American’s life. Yes, crimes and such do occur, but most people are not robbed, stabbed, killed every day. Maybe often or frequently in some areas, but the government is working on enforcing judicial laws which aim for justice and peace among the infected community. Try talking to people! You may realize that there are many good people in the world, you just need to open your eyes.
@bullfrog: I think you’re reading into what I posted. I wasn’t talking about poverty, but about human trafficking and personal freedoms – one might argue that in third world countries, personal freedom is actually greater than in first world countries, due to the lack of democratization and presence of corrupted legal systems, but slavery and prostitution are facts of life in that part of the world. When you have no other means to survive but to sell what.. product.. you were born possessing, it leaves little room for options. Also, rather than Burma, Mayanmar. My bad.
I had a friend living in Indonesia – he’s been around; Lebanon, all over Indo-China, Northern Africa… I haven’t been to those places myself, and have only heard second-hand accounts, but it’s easy enough to see from reading the news that those places are dangerous parts of the world, and for a reason. They’re rich in natural resources. I don’t understand why rich countries are always the most dangerous ones.
Thanks. I do not like the ignorance of the average person, but what does it matter? They all think I’m ignorant, I think they’re ignorant, I doubt we will learn to coexist or change our minds.
What I mean is, Americans are violently ignorant, to the point were they will thrash out and attack anyone who thinks differently. And they will not give you time to rest once they find out you ideologies.
I hate this place.
And even if this supposed “positive” culture comes in America, I’m sure it will be short lived. Greed, stupidity, power, and lies always come through in the end, and before you know it, people will be doing the same shit they were before.
@InfiniteRedPill: I’m an American and I’m probably the inverse of that flawed ideal – I don’t care what your ideology is, what religion you follow, how you dress, what music you listen to, or who your favorite porn star is. What I care about is how you act and the way you relate to the world. Everything else is superficial garnishing that allows others to pigeonhole you based on arbitrary labels. If the labels are arbitrary, then the pigeonholing will never mean anything in practical reality. What you do is a product of who you are, but you can change what you do, so everyone has the potential to be a better person than they have been in the past. I like looking at it that way.