I was just wondering. Everytime I tell my closest friend (but this is my view of our friendship) what I am feeling, for example last night, I told him that I felt like complete shit and everyone would go along their merry ways if I die without even caring, he just says, ” If that’s what you think then okay.” And the subject stops there. He quickly jumps to another topic and I assume that he doesn’t really wanna hear what I have to say. I try not to get hurt by his words but I feel like it’s just one bigger proof that even people that I think I’m close to would be alright even if I am gone. It’s one reason to just leave this world. I don’t want to keep all the pain I am feeling inside.
Is it bad to want them to be there for me and try to understand how I am feeling? Is it bad to want attention?
9 comments
Probably, he just doesn’t know how to deal with something like that. (Honestly, if someone told me that, I’d probably do something similar.)
Most people don’t give a shit these days.
Its as simple as that.
Im sorry you feel as you do, but it is also how I often feel, but I long ago came to the conclusion that most people truly are pieces of worthless shit on 2 legs.
well… would you prefer them not be okay without you?
People have to learn to handle the loss of people they care about. People also are constantly inundated with unwanted expectations, and so they have to develop a sort of… default, so that when someone feels a way they don’t like, or decides to depart from their life for whatever reason, they can keep moving without it becoming a serious setback.
No one wants to spend time with someone they think will just disappear on them. No one likes investing in things that won’t produce results, or aren’t sustainable, or are likely to cause themselves detriment… such as a friend who commits suicide, for example, or a girlfriend expected to cheat, or expected to lie, etc.
But what is a friend? That’s a pretty good question.
As kurt cobain would say: “a friend is just a known enemy.”
As Layne Staley wrote/sang: “what does friend mean to you? …[a] word so wrongfully abused… are you like me, confused? All included but you?”
I suppose friend means whatever the person using that term, wants it to. Sometimes it’s just another word used to gain your confidence, to convince you to trust someone who wants to gain something that requires your trust as a prerequisite.
I guess i used to think it meant a person with a compatible mindset, mutual interests, who is present, ready and willing, to match your efforts in mutually beneficial endeavors. Or something like that.
Maybe it’s you who gets to decide what friend means, to you.
A friend to me is someone who has proved themselves to stand with me even when that would have undesirable outcome for them. A friend is a person I can call when I can only make one call and they will drop everything they are doing, make no excuses and never use my misfortune as a bartering chip. I have few friends. Single digits like.
^this is a good answer.
It is, indeed, a good answer. Unfortunately, most of the world is too assholic (that’s a word, I swear) to be a “real” friend, which is pretty suckish.
Greenz. I actually thought about that too. What I would say if someone tells me that they are feeling down. I thought I would try to make them feel better but that’s a lot easier to say than do when faced with the real situation so I’m not completely sure.
MrBADGUY. I somewhat agree. The only reason I’m not completely looking at it that way is the small sliver of hope that I have that out there somewhere, there’s a decent being and that things might change.
clevername. I was thinking what I wanted from him. Of course I wouldn’t want them to not be able to move on if I do die in the near future. I wouldn’t want the people I like to be unhappy. But I saw on a comment recently how we’re all asking for attention, wanting to be accepted. I wanted or expected him to try to make me feel better and accept how I am but it might be too much. I mean, I don’t even know what he is thinking and his reasons for avoiding the subject, if there are any.
So far, I don’t know what a friend is yet. I think I have a couple of friends, but that’s only based on how the majority defines it. I’m still trying to find what a friend really is to me.
OnlyLOVEisReal. That’s interesting and I’m glad that you have people that you really think are friends, even if the list is not that long. 😀 That’s what I thought at first too when I was thinking what a friend is like but in many instances, I was just completely wrong about them. Sigh.
For him to say “if that’s what you think, then okay.” is exactly what “acceptance” actually means. That statement indicates that he accepts that you think that, whether he likes it or not, and isn’t going to try to change you. I can see how it might be mistaken for apathy… but i’m giving the benefit of the doubt here. He probably avoids the subject, because it’s often painful to think of anyone you care about, thinking that no one would care if they died. He probably disagrees, and wants to change the subject… because it’s really just not a good subject. Another reason is that he may just have no idea what to say about your thoughts.
And you’re exactly right: you acted a certain way, based on your expectation of, and hope for, a certain kind of response. You are placing that expectation on him… possibly without realizing it.
Sometimes people hit me with stuff like that, and i honestly don’t know what to say right that moment, because i haven’t had a chance to put enough thought into it to produce what i feel would be a valid and sufficiently meaningful, honest response. I hate being pressured for an immediate response, especially when it’s something that should obviously require some thought, and i haven’t been allowed any time at all, to actually think about it. And they stand there like i’m taking forever, expecting that i should have a lightning-speed, automatic, perfect response… or maybe they’re just trying to bait me into saying something i shouldn’t, so they can go off on me about how i didn’t put enough thought into that response (because they pressured me to give a premature response).
Maybe take some time to refine a better articulation of what you’re trying to express, and a more thorough consideration of what you hope to accomplish by doing so.
It’s tough, many of my friends haven’t been in a suicidal position. They don’t know how to react. Imagine if somebody asked you about quantum physics. They are scared about giving a wrong answer and bypass the subject. Maybe inside they are just hoping a distraction can get your mind off your thoughts.