Hii… My name is Arianna, yesterday I posted on here that I tried to overdose… I did try, but fortunately it did not kill me.. I’ve been vomiting for 2 hours now.. Idk what I took, all I know it had 600 milligrams (is it milligrams or am I just dumb?) for each pill. I took 30, at the least… I did not go to the hospital and yes my parents found out.. I had told them I was bisexual and that I selfharm.. We didn’t go to the hospital because my mom thought she would lose her job ._. My mom told me that selfharming is cowardly and is showing that I’m not strong… Personally I took that offensively, because I don’t think selfharm is cowardly… It’s just a way to cope with feelings that you can’t necessarily put into words…. I was heading off to bed and told my mom I loved her… All she said is “Really?! Because you have a weird way of showing it.” Anyways… I threw away all of my blades away.. Yes, I’m going to try and stop selfharming…. And yes I’m recovering fine from the pill overdosage thing.. I’m not leaving anytime soon.. Not when I’m with someone who would of took his life if I took mine.. Thank you. Goodnight y’all. Feel free to hmu on kik.. Arianna_Newton
My existence is fucking stupid:
The HIGhLIGHT of my life is work. While I spend 80% of my time here, I don’t mind the job, it’s just infuriating that I’m squandering my prime years.
My coworkers practically murder each other to be the first out the door. Not me, I’d rather stay. Menial grinding is better than the home war zone. I usually lie about when I need to be to work. Sometimes I come in early, others I nap in my car.
I’m isolated. I don’t try to make friends anymore. I’m not allowed to go out solo, I don’t want anyone to witness the explosive volatility of my marriage. You guys here, pretty much my only friends. Since I joined, I basically keep a tab open the entire time I’m at work. Then, it’s like, this isn’t real. You’re all not real… I feel like this is just a figment of my imagination. Some of your stories, it’s like, I’m really fucking weak because at least I could fix my situation, but I don’t, because I’m fucking worthless sack of shit. I’ve actually tried to give advice to some of you. How fucked up is that?
Sorry I posted this. Sorry you read it. Sorry I came here. I’m sure I’ll be back. What else do I have? I’m just gonna go feel sorry for myself, knowing I’m too cowardly, weak, stupid whatever to change or end my life.
They had it easy, honestly. Two seconds of pain and now they go out as heroes. Nobody questions anything they did, ever. This universe is so strange. If a stranger shoots us in the head, we instantly become heroes. If we do it ourselves, people call us cowards. Of course there is actually nothing heroic about being shot in the head by a stranger, and nothing cowardly about raising a gun to one’s head and pulling the trigger, but that won’t stop the masses from judging as they will.
- Have you ever asked yourself, “when would suicide be the right thing to do?” What line needs to be crossed before killing oneself is justified? And once one finds justification for killing oneself, what possible future is there for them if they can’t? This is where I am. Struggling in vain to find a way to end it. Too cowardly to do anything painful, too selfish to give up wanting. I don’t want to die, I just deserve to. I’m not finding a way to cope. The world would be a better place without me. Everyone with whom I come into contact ultimately ends up with one kind of hurt or another. I would sure like to see something helpful replied but I don’t think there is any. Thanks for reading.
Maybe I’m Satan haha fuck you cowardly motherfuckers my rage is infinite my rage is beautiful uggg I will off others before I off myself this side wants that wants to make so many cowardly heartless deservant people to die first the other side wants to save them from me fuck that side
Ever feel like you can’t get any words out? Let alone care enough about communicating? I guess it’s my way of saying fuck you to the world, just ignoring everyone and everything. In life is death, in death is life. Bringing an end to an inevitable miserable life is not cowardly, at least it will be on my own terms. You know what pisses me off the most? These “social norms” that we are all supposed to abide by. The “how are you”, “I’m good thanks and you” get pretty fucking old very fast. I guess I’m just sick of it all. I’m sick of you, I’m sick of myself. How on Earth am I supposed to be happy when I have such a fundamental problem with myself? Yeah yeah, tell me to accept myself and everything.. I say fuck that, I don’t want myself and I don’t want you.
i don’t know where to begin. I’ve been suicidal for about a year now.
I am a Christian
Let me tell you why I decided to add the previous statement to my post. Yes, as a Christian I do believe in heaven and hell. And I believe that after all I’ve done on this earth that is where I am being sent.
That’s why I’m still here. I’m afraid of what I believe awaits me in the afterlife, so I haven’t killed myself yet. I don’t want to experience hell. Trust me if I for sure knew I was going to paradise after I cut the switch I wouldve finished myself off a looooooong time ago. So basically im just prolonging my entrance into hell. Pretty cowardly of me I know, but hey, I’m human. I am not afraid of death, I am just afraid of what happens to me after it.
I want to die. Everyday, the people closest to me convince me that im worthless and I can never do anything right. Today was the closest I’ve been to killing myself. About to step off and hang from the rope in my basement, I couldn’t commit. I don’t have the guts to end my suffering and save everyone from the troubles of dealing with my now hollow, angry, and hopeless persona. I dont remember the last time I was happy, I can’t even laugh anymore. I keep trying to end my sadness, however in vain my attempts. I know I will meet my end soon. I impatiently await the day I finally decided to end it, finally shed the cowardly shell that is my fear. Happieness in nothing is all I will want to not feel.
I posted yesterday.
This morning I woke up and thought “If I’m going to kill myself, today is the day.” And I’m too cowardly to go through with it. I’m giving myself just a few more days to pull out of this mess. I want kids, I want to get married and I want to graduate college. I’m a freshman this year. I have plans and ambitions. But I don’t want to live with this pain. Taking 3 pills for my depression is what I was told to do, and with that, I sleep through my classes.
If I take only 2? I want to die
Someone tell me I’m not weird. Someone tell me I’m not alone. I’m highly an introvert. I have groups that I go to but I don’t really have any friends. You may say that is not enough of a reason to take my own life. But I don’t have people that I hang out with who would miss me if I’m gone. I’m just another face at this college.
Tell me why I can’t live with myself and wish I was someone else. Is it okay to not have friends?
Please tell me it’s okay.
For those like me there truly is no rest for the weary.But at the same time if your like me you simply cannot just end your life.not that I dont want to.its that I cant.being alone for all this time has shaped me.in my eyes I must be independant and not rely on anyone else.I must do things the right way the first time or not at all.discipline comes into action if I show weakness.I become so angry with myself for making even small mistakes it intoxicating.I have too much pride you could say.like this for example…I would rather die than be caught off guard.I cant commit suicide because that would be taking the easy way out and that is cowardly.suicide is different in everybodies eyes this is what it is to me.For those of you like me….you must change.because people like us are destined for a bitter end….
I’ve been away from the site for a couple of weeks and I have to weigh in on Robin Williams. Nobody seems to understand how personal pain can be so great to drive a person to destroy themselves in such a violent and agonizing way. Think for a moment (if you haven’t) how horrible it would be to hang from the neck using a leather belt – not “hang” as they do in a calculating way to snap the neck but to hang, suffocating in violent pain until you pass out – maybe more than once.
I write this not to be morbid in any way but to make the point that some of us suffer on a daily basis the kind of pain no one else can fathom; and it can drive us to the ultimate act that seems “cowardly” to most people.
Well, fuck them all – it can be an act of courage.
I feel so selfish for even feeling this way. My life isn’t even bad, but I feel so utterly lost and confused about everything. I feel like no matter how hard I try the people around me aren’t happy with me. I feel like I’m not allowed to think or feel or act how I want, that my parents and uncle and boyfriend want to control those things for me.
I constantly think about how I wish I could crawl under a giant rock and just disappear. Because I’m too cowardly for suicide, and anyway I don’t have access to the things I want to use for it (excessive pharmaceuticals, or possibly a gun).
I feel like a useless piece of existence. A human who merely uses up resources and takes up space.
Yesterday my mom got mad at me and later I heard her talking to the rest of my family about how she’s tired of how I act, and how she wants to beat me, and I don’t even know what I did to become such a terrible daughter in her eyes.
It’s events like this that make me want to go away. Maybe I would be missed, but I feel like I wouldn’t be for long. Soon people would realize that a large burden has actually been lifted from their shoulders, and they would rejoice.
I don’t know. Every day I feel emptier and emptier. I feel like I’m becoming a shell of myself, an empty sack of the person I once was. Reality is starting to feel… Unreal. Nothing feels real, nothing feels meaningful. I just don’t want to be here.
Does anyone else agree that when someone says suicide is a cowardly thing? I feel that if your in the position your in and few the way you feel, you way the facts and think about everything. I feel it’s actually a very hard thing to do. And another thing is. How do you feel when you final have the power to talk to someone close to you and ask for help, but all they say is I can’t talk to you anymore if your going to do that cuz I don’t want to be apart of it. I feel that is that person truly cared about you like they say they do they would be there for you no matter what and try to help. I know if I ever bad someone come to me like that I would do anything. Sorry about the ramble and rant just wondering what everyone felt about that. Thanks
â€œPeople pontificate, “Suicide is selfishness.” Career churchmen like Pater go a step further and call in a cowardly assault on the living. Oafs argue this specious line for varying reason: to evade fingers of blame, to impress one’s audience with one’s mental fiber, to vent anger, or just because one lacks the necessary suffering to sympathize. Cowardice is nothing to do with it – suicide takes considerable courage. Japanese have the right idea. No, what’s selfish is to demand another to endure an intolerable existence, just to spare families, friends, and enemies a bit of soul-searching.â€
Why is that stabbing myself seems like a beautiful way out of my misery?
More beautiful than friends, more beautiful than family.
The knife is right there, on the kitchen table, next to my cup of tea.
Tea. Or knife?
A simple stab is all it would take. Maybe two for good measure.
But for now I pick up the tea. I’m too cowardly to do otherwise.
This might be a trigger to some, so beware
Honestly every time I cut it just gets everywhere. all over my arms, my hands, on the paper I use to smear crude words with the red stuff. it sticks to everything too. yet I can’t seem to bleed enough. I want to bleed more. but every time I cut deep enough to keep a decent flow it hurts like f***….but I still do it. I don’t do it for the pain either.
I think I just associate blood with death…like cutting and bleeding is as close as I’m going to get to death since I really am too cowardly to just OD on all the pills on my bookshelf.
I really need to go to bed I think -_-
suicide is not easy, and it is not cowardly.Â cowards may commit suicide to get out of the trouble, but for the majority its hard, scary and the final option….hopefully painless.Â I give up.Â Â I amÂ so very tired.Â Life just isn’tÂ worth fighting for any more.Â Tired of being a victim.Â No matter how I fight back I just keep loosing.Â Keep getting pushed back and down.Â Â I was sexually abused as a child….lots of therapy …..oh, I forgot, I am supposed to be a survivor. the wicked never rest and no rest for the weary.Â Â These bits and pieces may not make too much sense, but wantedÂ to put outÂ a last few words. I have considered suicideÂ intermittentlyÂ Â since I was a child.Â My childhood is many years behind me, but there is no joy to life not even any peace quiet or safety…not evenÂ for justÂ a few momentsÂ in veryÂ many years.
All I seem to do is fuck up everything… Where do I even start? I don’t know. My head is spinning, and my body aches and if I stand the dizziness will knock me down. I don’t even know what to do with myself. My teachers tell me how I’ll make it far in life, yet I’m unable see it. Once they know I’m suicidal they’ll get the stupid counselor involved and they’ll realize how the weak cowardly freshman will never accomplish anything they once thought she would. People around me can’t keep their mouths shut, they always have something to say. I’m tired of it. I’m fucking sick and tired of it. I don’t want to go to school. I don’t want to stay home. The teachers are shoving assignments down my throat. My “friends” are tearing me apart. The tension is slowly engulfing me, and it’s so hard to breathe, so hard to think, so hard to live. Why live and be in so much pain? If I killed myself I might feel some pain initially but then it will fade into numb nothingness.
When your 15 and thinking about death everyday, as a release in life , the probability that you will live long seems to get slimmer by the day. The only things holding me here seem to be fear and family, but I think these things will disappear with time. However, having read what people post here I feel like a cowardly little thing who doesn’t have a clue what she’s on about. Â But after coming home everyday and feeling like the good no longer cancels out the bad in my life everything seems pointless. The only problem is that my depression has me gagged and bound into being unable to talk about anything to anyone, and being unable to kill myself. I can only compare it to a torturous limbo, where I’m waiting to see if I fall off the deep end or make it through…
MY most recent attempt to enter into a relationship with someone ended in bitter failure. As have the last 13 attempts I’ve made in the past few years. I’m 19 years old, have only one friend (that I barely talk to), and am still a virgin.
I am going no where in my life. I’ve never had a job, and likely won’t anytime soon. I’m far too lazy and pathetic to actually accomplish anything. What makes it worse is that I had such high hopes for myself when I was in high school. As I look around my university I notice people who are much more qualified, much dedicated, and will accomplish much more than I can ever hope to. It’d be a miracle if I managed to move out of my parents’ house after college.
Women don’t talk to me, and when I try to talk to them they just stonewall me. The fact is that I’ll never lose my virginity, never have a family, and after my parents die I’ll have no reason to live. People that I’ve talked to tell me it will get better, but it won’t. They don’t know what it’s like to live my life, I know what I’m capable of, how others see me, what my future holds. The only thing my life will bring is more depression andÂ loneliness.
I live in the tallest dorm on campus, 11 stories. I hope that in the next couple of weeks I will get the courage to jump off the top. I’ve been too cowardly to do it before, but now I have no prospects at a relationship, no one to talk to, and my ambition is gone. I hope it doesn’t hurt all that much.