There are many girls here, right?

how can you respect someone you don’t know?

And you’ve got to consider what kinds of females might use a “dating site.”

As much as i tend to despise the userbase of okcupid, they actually have some good articles on how it all works, some game theory, and what and why to expect.

It’s kinda like people-shopping. You’re going to bypass anything that has features you know you don’t want, and gravitate toward anything that has features you do want. You’re going to find a lot of overlap between feature sets, and you’re going to find that most of the “acceptably attractive” people (of either gender), will be highly selective, and will most likely disregard anyone whose profile doesn’t “compel” them.

You want to know the real trick?

Be what they want. Be whatever they think they want, and also what they actually want. If you can do that, you’ll have a plethora of options. If you can’t do that… you probably already know, and why. That’s why i disabled my account there, quite a while ago. I searched as hard as i could, as long as i could, with the most relaxed and loose possible filters i could tolerate, with bare minimum criteria, and could not find a single compatible female. There were a lot of almosts (closer for me than for them), but ultimately, my region just doesn’t produce compatible females. I would need to move to the west coast (cali/oregon/washington), or maybe colorado (because weed and mountains). Since i can’t do that, i have no chance. It all comes down to having reliable and sufficient income, so that you can cultivate yourself into something appealing for those you’d like to attract.

Using this very site as an example, plenty of girls have already decide how their lives should unfold, even as early as their teens. Younger girls who have internet access and use dating sites, most likely have higher expectations. There’s a high chance that late-teens/early-twenties is the time they expect to meet someone who seems to represent both appeal and the future security of reliable and sufficient earning potential. Not saying you have to be rich, but you can’t be poor, especially on the internet.

I certainly wasn’t implying that anyone should be disrespectful with first impressions. 😛

But respect is earned, not granted. It seems lots of dating site members expect to be respected for who they claim to be, while it is well established that quite a lot of people are indeed not exactly who they claim to be, especially on dating sites, where there is a clear incentive to tastefully embellish, or even employ blatant hyperbole, in order to entice more and higher quality selections.

Also: different people define “decent” differently… not to mention, many people are not looking for “decent,” but rather, extraordinary or exceptional. They’re shopping for /the best/, not “just good enough,” aka “decent.” Decent is only part of the equation, and as i’ve frequently observed, the definition thereof, tends to have a rather wide spectrum of variance, and is often a bit elevated.

I would say i saw a lot of “decent” females in my searches… but that doesn’t mean they would define me as such. And though i’m sure some of them would indeed call me “a decent person,” that also doesn’t mean i’m what they’re looking for, or that they would even consider me as an option.

The thing about dating sites is that you can “get yourself out there,” and view a plethora of potentially appealing potential mates. But then, the recently referenced selection pool saturation problem manifests, in which people become even more highly selective, in the presence of a much higher quantity of options.

Honestly, you’d have a better chance just striking up conversation with someone in person, than you would with that same person through the internet. The in-person approach bypasses the automated and more strict selection process, and allows you to showcase who you are, immediately, in real time, through your mannerisms, and even your pheromones.

From a more intellectual perspective, i have to say the idea(l) of a dating site seems like it should be better… but it carries the consequence of allowing people to prejudge quite superficially, and rule you out, before you ever have a real chance, before they ever give you a real chance. They might think they wouldn’t like you, based on your profile, and/or the content, context, and styling of your contact initiation… but in person, they might react very differently; which will never happen if they rule you out based on your profile/messages.

I would think that finding a local activity/gathering hub, and just confidently approaching various individuals, might yield better results. Or it might not. There are many factors in play… and what i was essentially getting at, is how dating sites kinda take all the “human” out of the process, which may not be such a good thing, for some people (which is actually documented as being a well-known caveat of using any dating site). You might get ruled out forever on a dating site, by someone who might have liked you upon a spontaneous in-person encounter.

Dating sites are all about looking great on paper, in pictures, and “selling yourself.” It’s nearly identical to shopping for used PC hardware on ebay. lol. You gotta find good used gear, then either make the best offer, or click “buy now.” And then wait to see if it turns out to be as good as expected.