How does one justify life? Â I’m 34 years old, I’ve lived a decidedly easy life compared to most. Â I’ve made choices in my life that put me where I am today. Â I have a great career and a lot invested in it. Â I have a wife, a step-son and an adopted son.. Â My future is set in stone, my life is decided.
What if I realize that the choices that got me where I am were the wrong choices and I can’t take them back? Â Do I ditch my old life for a new one and destroy lives around me so I can be happy? Â Or do I ditch life altogether to allow the lives of the ones I love to go on only disrupted so THEY can be happy?
My life is an endless rhythm of work, chores and guilt. Â I had some good times when I was younger, I did a lot of the things I wanted to do. Â I don’t get to do those things anymore. Â Now, every moment of my life is living for someone else. Â I work hard at my career that pays 80K salary, but that isn’t enough, I work 2 other jobs so my wife doesn’t need to work. Â I am living her dream life, not mine. Â When I am not working, I am doing chores at the house, making look presentable for visitors. Â when I’m not working and doing chores, I’m taking care of the 1 yr. old so my wife can have a break and some “me” time. Â When all that is over, any leftover time is typically spent in an awkward silence/semi-closeness with my wife, waiting to at least go to bed for a little bit of peace before everything starts over the next day.
4 comments
This, right here, is why I don’t have a wife or kids. Not that this helps you at all, but I know that ten years from now, it would be me posting this message. Let this be a lesson to the rest of you.
You can’t take your choices back, it’s not an option. Your choices are to break up your family or stick it out and try to make improvements. I don’t know where you live, but 80k a year where I’m at is nothing to sneeze at. Is your wife spending all of your money or something? Maybe move into a smaller place, have one less car, etc. Then you won’t be so financially strapped, you won’t have to work multiple jobs, and you won’t be so stressed out.
Dude that really does suck. You seem to have a good life. But that’s the point right? You still feel horrible. What if I were to switch spots in life with you. Would I feel better? Does happiness really even exist? Makes me think of that song “Happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion” or something like that. It’s true when you think of it. Happiness comes and goes. Nothing lasts, the only constant seems to be this lurking sickening depression.
Your home life seems to be giving you the most stress. Have you considered marriage counseling?
Letting your wife know that you need some ME time also. 80k is a nice salary but it’s all relative really. 2 nice cars and a house and that’s your entire check.
Maybe your wife can start an at home business? Ebay? something to give her life some passion also.
You have a good job, a famiy…. and yet the pain of depression and suicidal thoughts are still there….
It seems to be the plight of our race….no matter what we still can’t be happy.
I hope that didn’t come off in the wrong way. I hate when people (in response to another persons situation or issue) brings up how theirs is so much worse so that person should be happy.
The fact is you are NOT happy and it’s your right to feel that way…
anyways I hope you feel better
I feel for you. Except for the dependents part, I feel the same about my own job. It’s none of my business (though I do care), but can you encourage your wife to find part-time work–even, as someone above mentioned, work-at-home? Or can you all move to a far more humble space so that 80K is more than enough? Do you think if you had more time to pursue things you sincerely enjoy you’d feel more hopeful?
I don’t mean to come off as if I have any answers. I know I don’t. But I’m sincerely curious, and as I do for most I meet on SP who’re sharing struggles like mine, I care. Even if I had the time to pursue things I enjoy, however, I’d still be determined to end my own life because, I’ve finally come to realize, the thing I really cannot abide is not the world, but me.
I don’t know if I made any sense. If there’s any way to change your life circumstances so you want to live, I hope you’re able to do it, because hating existence so much that suicide is one’s “only choice” is profoundly disheartening.
I feel for you, I have 5 brothers that all do really well for their family’s financially and none of the wives work, even though it would lessen the stress and burden placed upon them by trying to keep up with the jones, for the wifes sake! It’s just like you said i guess they want to give the wife and their kids their dream life. but fuck there wives are fuckin useless stay home all day don’t cook don’t clean just post and boast on Facebook how wonderful there lives are while there partners are busting there ass at work and come home and still got to do all the chores. I think if the partners truly loved them they would cut back on the lavish lifestyle and having to have all the latest shit and get a fuckin job my bros lives would be much easier.
I’m close to my brothers and your exact topic has come up with all of them. I know how unhappy they are in there situation but then I think of my nephews and nieces and what it would do to them and then I think yes it is worth the sacrifice but then i can see in there eyes they want out so bad but i encourage them to go on and stay because i know they will go crazy, because there really family orientated men.
i don’t know woman need to appreciate a good fucken man when they have one because you never know what you got till its gone.
Gee sorry bout the rant or if its totally off topic!