Im a femake,20yrs old ive tried to commit suicide all throughout my life since i was about 9 …growing up here i was made fun of for being fat and not speaking English….as a 9 yr old it sukd… i grew out of it n blended in a lil around jr high… but still i was made fun of for being fat… as i started highschool noone really cares about that anymore. .. but wen i was 16 i had my first bf .. he fuckd my hole wold up he would beat me… he would rape me… alot of times with his anger management probs. He tried to kill me… he tried to drown me he put a gun to my head he punshed my stomach till i trew up blood once i told him i thought i was pregnant…. he introduced me to weed and extacy… he was the worst n from those e experiences i havnt bern able to have a healthy relationship…ive tred sooo hard n i simply cant feel anything…. all i do is fuck dem n leav them because im too scared to get attached. .. he had my selfesteem lower dan low. .. ive gained somuch more weight since then. ..i hate looking in the mirror… call me a hoe a slut or watever but having sex is the only way to feel liked atleast. ..
I have. A job but i only get around $100 a week… my fam doesnt help at all…. anything i ever wanna do they make fun of n say its stupid. .. i took care of my nephew for 2 years so my sister could save bbyitting money n help me get into school n after those 2yrs she got a new truck with the money tgat wassupposed to be for my school n
Didn’t give me shit…
Now i have nothing… idk how to drive noone ever wants to teach me… i have no friends at all..literally. ..i ust wanna end all of this… i know ppl will cry but just my fam ..n they’ll gt over it…the rest of the ppl that knew me will only remember me for a few months dem forget about me ..thats how it goes. ..
2 comments
Be strong! You were put on this earth for a reason! Ive been in my situations that most would not be able to handle. Just remember someone is always willing to listen ?
It is horrible when other people have so much power over you – that’s what it all comes down to. Recovering from being abused by someone close to you is so much harder than people realize – you lose your identity and then you end up chasing other abusive guys hoping one of them will end up loving you enough to straighten things out but it always ends in the same old way. I know (believe me I do) how hopeless things seem – and hard as it is the thing to do is find someone that will take an interest in just being there for you, listening and holding you up when you feel weak. It can be a male or female, a counselor, an acquaintance but most of all someone that isn’t interested in getting laid or moving in. Someone that can be a real friend that can help you sort things out and help you become stronger and more focused on caring for yourself. It sounds fucking idealistic, I know and it might take a few tried to find someone truly able to help you that has good boundaries and takes a genuine interest in you as a person. Just start out slow and cautiously, take stock of things and pay most attention to what it is you really want and it will happen. You will be surprised at what will happen if you can muster up the slightest bit of self worth; it will change everything. You are NOT the piece of crap that you think you must be after a drive-by fucking. You will find that out as soon as you accept the fact that you deserve better. I really hope things turn around for you, I know it seems like bullshit now but you can be happy when you have some clarity. Please just believe it can happen and it will.