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I Wish..

by Serra42

I wish that there was someone who understood what this feels like..i wish i could trust..iv been broken by so many.. over and over.. i just cant believe there is anything other than people who lie… is there anyone out there that does not lie and cause pain for there own selfish reasons..they don’t even realize what they are doing..i hope….and if there is someone…one… how would i know?.. i want to have faith in people.. i want there to be someone else like me.. someone who knows…

will i perpetually be in this cycle of pain..waiting for someone to show me its going to be ok..it takes “time” they all say the same thing.. time.. i feel like i don’t have enough time anymore..each moment brings me closer..

it seems strange to me that posting on this forum..or what have you..seems to make it better for one fleeting moment..though when i find myself out of words..that moment is gone and i am left again with only… pain.. sorrow.. despair..mistrust.. fear..

how many times do i need to walk this path?..and is this the last one?… if i knew it would go on again and again could i do it?…could i end it..

do we live this life of torment only to die in a blaze of pain and fire…fade to black..then nothing..

is anybody out there…

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3 comments

narnie 7/23/2014 - 1:36 am

I’m here. I won’t lie and say I know your exact pain seeing as I’ve only been given a vague glimpse at it, but I’m here.

Khumz 7/23/2014 - 1:37 am

Hi.

I Understand What You’re Going Thru.No Really!We Are Human Beings,We Are Bound To Develop Feelings,To Love And Want To Be Loved Back.But Happens When We Love And Dont Recieve The Love Back?We Go Thru The Same BS Every Single Time,We Tell Ourselves These Things Happen,We Forgive,We Move On..Only For That To Happen To Us Again.I’ve Been Broken Before,So Many Times!I Too Want To Have Faith In Human,I Want To Believe That There Is Someone Out There That Is Like Me,Wont Hurt People And Justify It.Some Of Them Are So Used To Hurting Other People,That They Dont See Anything Wrong With It..They Have Issues.They Should Be In This Forum With Us(lol)..But Hey,Just Wanna Tell You This..Perhaps There IS Someone Like You,Who’s Been Searching For You Aswell..Please Let That Person Find You Alive And Kicking.

whisper 7/23/2014 - 2:11 am

Life is a long repeat of everything…the good and the bad. For someone with depression it’s easy to look ahead and say ‘why bother’? Yes it’s true…depression may follow you your whole life, but so will love, smiles, friends and the good things we all forget when we’re looking up from the bottom of that black hole.

I remember I once could see clearly that sadness would always be a part of my life. And I remember thinking that since I could see it so clearly, what was really the point in going on. I mean, it’s the hope of love and things getting better that makes those like us keep getting up each day. But when that hope is gone…then so are the reasons to keep trying, and living.

Now here I am years later, as depressed as ever, but I look back and ask myself, ‘should I have given up all those years ago, when I knew this would be the outcome?’. And the answer is “no”.

Why? Because in between the times of hurt and sadness were times of love and joy. And in reality, that’s life. Even those who seem to have a perfect life, don’t. There is no such thing. So we learn to love and appreciate the good parts, and do our best to get through the bad parts. But that takes an effort. Nothing is accomplished without trying to accomplish it.

So in the end we have a choice, we fight depression and sadness, or we let it take us over. And how do we fight? Well, don’t do the things that make our emotions feel sad. Skip the sad love songs, stay away from the booze and drugs…because they only make sadness more a part of our emotions, and try to find things to occupy the thoughts when they want to dwell on sad things. We literally take control, and change our thoughts. And any time we don’t do that, when that depression comes, then we are only surrendering to it and allowing it to become…”us”.

I’m not saying it’s easy to fight back or solve these things. Only that if we make the effort…things do get better. And that WILL open the door for good things to come into our lives…as long as we are patient.

I hope you can use my words to help you my friend. 🙂

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