I’ve always felt there’s something seriously wrong with me and the gap between me and others has increased and become more obvious over the years. I can’t communicate and I end up being hated by every single person who ever gets to know me, and then they label my insecurity and fear as ‘social anxiety disorder’ as if it’s an unnatural response. When I appear online on facebook people go offline and someone’s just said “god I give up” just because I, liked her post. How can I not commit suicide when I am so brain damaged that I can’t even communicate to kids or remember what I said or thought a second ago. I want to live but nobody wants me here and I don’t belong. My greatest achievement will be facing up to suicide, and nobody will respect me for anything.
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My advice, which is totally up to you to consider but…You haven’t found the right person. And by right person…I mean the right friend. Trust me, relationships are just like friendships. We always hear those rumors that ya, “You have a girl (or guy) out there somewhere who’s perfect for you.” Well…the same saying goes for friends. It may take you weeks, months…or even years. But trust me…You’ll find that right friend, who doesn’t care about how you look, what you do, or even how you talk, they will only appreciate you for who you are. Be patient, I know that’s a bullshit answer…but trust me…a Former soldier like me knows…Patients…can beat so many battles. But if you don’t believe me, well then…you already lost. But because you posted this up, I know you won’t give up. You’re like me, your mind wants to give up, but your heart and soul, they won’t. So keep holding on, be patient. You’ll find that real friend, over the internet or even in real life, it doesn’t matter. You’ll find him. And trust me, when you do…he will be just like I said. A “real Friend.” You’re not meant to be alone, I know nothing about you, but if you’re willing to be patient, just watch…He/She will find you. If you want them to. ^^
You’re so right. My heart and soul are strong even if my mind is crushed. We can survive through so much as long as there is hope and a desire to live. The only thing I’m uncertain about is whether I can find that real friend that you mention. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6seiC55O0Y&feature=kp
I can relate to you. It doesn’t matter what I intend, do, say. I have a hard time making eye contact (with anyone). Get rid of the F-tards who treat you that way. I can’t tell you suicide is not the answer, because I too am considering it. Please know you are not alone. Hold off if you can. I am waiting to see if I can feel better…
Thank you for your response. Please don’t rush anything or ever act on impulse like I did. I regretted what I did so much because I wasn’t certain I was ready to die yet. There are some things that can’t be fixed. I have had social anxiety disorder (if that’s what they want to call it) for 10 years and I’m coming to terms with the possibility that’ll never change, but it’s not over until there’s no other path to take. You might never be able to make eye contact with someone but that doesn’t get in the way of what else you are and what you were put on the earth to do.
I have felt the same way. I dont know some days how i make it, but when i live to see another day, i know i must have done something right. I have felt I was born innately wrong. I once told a therapist that and he said i was wrong and didnt know the meaning of the word “innately” then i told him it means “i was born that way”…and he had no response b/c he new my definition was correct. What an idiot. I understand not feeling human….i understand wanting to die. I dont know how to fix it either, that is why i am here. i have probably not helped you…..but i thought i could understand how you might be feeling and didnt want you to possibly think your post went unnoticed. I saw this, read it and feel the same way. Sorry i cant offer you more hope.
It’s reassuring and disheartening at the same time to know I’m not the only one who feels this way. Isn’t it strange how even as kid you know something’s off… I’m alive for the same reason, I don’t want to curl up and die feeling like this and letting the world win. Can you imagine how we’d feel if we could turn this mess around? I listen to the song fix you by coldplay and I want to feel like the second part in that track, where he’s overcome all of his struggles and it makes success taste that much sweeter. It’s probably not realistic to think it can all be fixed, but to fall in love or become wealthy and wake up everyday with that refreshing feeling again rather than ‘oh for fuck sake, i’m conscious again’ ^^