I live in constant fear, I react to everything in an exaggerated way, I have also hypersensitivity to sounds and to touch.
Low self esteem because psychological child abuses, I am all ways the different guy that everyone doesn’t want to go along. With a neurologic syndrome where is very difficult to identify feelings and other things that makes very very hard to establish relationships with others.
All this drains my energy so much that I fall into depressed states with constant toughts of suicide and stop all this shit. Have attempted before but pain was too much strong that I couldn’t cut just deep enough. Also I do cutting when anxiety is just too much along with depression.
3 comments
I’m sorry you live in fear. Like I mentioned to another person on here yesterday, fear cuts us down and steals our strength to believe in ourselves. It can make it really hard sometimes.
In your case, it seems to surround you unfortunately which sounds completely debilitating. I feel for you. That much be hell.
Does it help to focus on something? I’ve found that having something to focus on and become completely engrossed in can distract me enough so that I don’t feel controlled by the turmoil inside me. It doesn’t always work but it can help.
Those words meant a lot to me actually, I cried after reading them. I just didn’t feel like I had an adequate response copelessness 🙁 (hope the headache is feeling better btw)
And I’m glad you’re still hanging in there, I’m sorry for the pain you are feeling and wish you did not need to suffer. I also used to cut to distract myself from the overwhelming emotional pain. It did distract me at my worst but it also made me want to repeat the process over again each time. Sometimes even the scars makes you want to dig in again. Try letting it heal. Try holding ice in your hand instead next time you want to cut.
As copelessness mentioned, having something to focus on can really help provide a goal or motivation to distract you. I actually love reading to get away from the world and I think a couple of us here are into skyrim as well.
I’m sorry I made you cry. 🙁 I just felt I needed to say something after reading what you wrote.
The headache has subsided for the most part. It’s still there but at least the light above me doesn’t feel like a weight inside my head anymore.
Cutting is weird. I haven’t done it for a long time, but I think about it a lot. When I’m really down, I really really want to though. Somehow I made it through the weekend without doing so.
And Skyrim, yep, same here. It’s funny how my evil looking bad-ass dark elf spends so much time collecting butterflies and picking flowers. Haha…
Well, back to work to keep my thoughts at bay!