I don’t understand myself. I am truly privileged; I have a family that puts me in their best interests, friends who care about me, I’m not poor, not sick, I live an average middle class life and I have no hope for it.
A future that would satisfy me is not realistic. In order to anticipate the future I would have to be a different person and be extremely lucky. I dread the future and feel haunted by the past. A friend told me to focus on the present but I struggle to find pure happiness in my present life.
I know what should make me happy because I see the joy these things bring other people. But for a long time I’ve been able to look at my life and hate it. I wish I could give my life to someone who deserves and desires it more. But I feel forced to stay alive for the sake of the people that have given up so much for me.
Some days are worse than others. Today is a better day. I just don’t understand why I lack the will to live.
5 comments
You say you live a comfortable life with people who care and nurture you, but you also say your past haunts you. If you don’t mind me asking, what happened in your past to make you feel this way?
I unintentionally drove a friend to contemplating suicide, yet he thinks he’s the one to blame. Not to mention other mixed regrets.
He’s says he’s okay now, but I don’t know for sure because I say the same thing to him.
Sounds like you’re bored.
Like you I find that sometime I feel OK with things and other times I hate my life and at the moment I hate my life, it’s hard to believe it will be OK again; I hope you can find a meaning in your life, it sounds like you’ve got a lot going for you, just keep looking and don’t give up you have people around you who care about you. take care.
Um, depression?