You ever feel so empty that you begin to suck yourself into this abyss? You wish you could blame them and sometimes you do; but there’s always that tiny little voice that reminds you that it’s actually your fault, that you did this to yourself. And you know that voice is a LIE; you scream it to yourself everyday that that voice is trying to push you past the point of no return, but the voice sounds so right that eventually you think of the nearby overpass and wonder if it would hurt if you fell. And the most stupid thing about all this is that this is all because of one boy. And it’s not even because he cheated on you or anything. Oh no, it’s because he saw your snap chat and didn’t bother to reply. Or because he let go of your hand when he saw his friends. Or because his close friend is more beautiful than you and makes you insecure just by being there. It’s crazy, how he can bring you down in just a tiny little act.
But he can also bring you up in a tiny little act.
This is bad, loving him so much. But as soon as he replies, as soon as he smiles and sends you a kiss, your heart lifts and you can’t help but smile. It’s a teeter totter. It’s these two insane extremities and I know that this will kill me in the end.
But I’m going to hang on for today so I can see that smile again.
2 comments
OH MY GOD. SPEAK HUNNY!
I have relationship issues where i’m incredibly paranoid and all over the place, which is why i stay away from them now haha. I couldn’t stand the emotional juggle anymore with my recent boy and broke it off. I miss him heaps, I really loved his touch, but missing him is a madness than pales in comparison to having a really dysfunctional way of loving someone. I’ve realised I find relationships really difficult because of attachment issues (not saying you have them).
Rey, good point about missing him but not missing the dysfunction. Mature way to approach it.