So we’ve been assigned our first real assignment in English, and it’s to write a descriptive-narrative essay about a personal feeling or perspective that we have had that has changed through time. The only thing that I can think of is how I used to be a happy person, then I became a depressed and potentially suicidal cynic.
Personal essays have always been the hardest for me, because I honestly hate describing who I am. I also worry about whether or not my essay should meet the desires of my teacher. He likes witty, humorous writings. If he reads mine, I feel like he’ll contact a suicide prevention group, and I’ll be placed in solitary confinement. Then again, that might not be so bad.
I guess I know what I want to write about, but my personal experiences are so personal that they make me appear… pathetic? I mean, what person ends up without any friends, depressed, hopeless, and expects to be seen as anything other than a failure? I’m not saying that I’m truly a worthless waste of shit, and I don’t think I have low self-esteem, but I’m not like Helen Keller or a successful businessperson. My life wouldn’t really be interesting or an example of a happy existence to most people, and that makes people look away. What if I spread my depressive outlook onto others, too? I fear that could happen.