Ten years ago I got married. I married the mother of my first born and felt more optimistic about life than I ever had. I had my family. We had 2 more kids and it was that much better. I worked up to 3 jobs at a time to begin with so my wife could finish school. When she did I became a stay at home dad and went to working just part time. She made great money. With this came her urge to spend it and the infidelity began. Things were rough for a while but then it all got better. Around my 10th anniversary she let me know she wanted out. On our 10th wedding anniversary day she filed for divorce. That very same day I ingested a 5th of gin and unknown amount of pills. I lived and was institutionalized for a week. Ever since then I have wanted to succeed at what I failed at. The main reason for going on is because I don’t want to go back if I fail again and for my kids. I still long for her everyday though and it is making me miserable. Its only a matter of time until I try again. I just don’t want to go on. I’m miserable and sick of it. This wasn’t my first failed attempt but will be my last. It is only a selfish act to those who are selfish enough to want you to live for them.
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I’m not very good at speaking or encouraging or anything like that, but I’m gonna try anyways with the one simple thing I know to say.
If you failed, it only means you were meant to live.
I’m sorry to hear (well read) about what’s happened, but maybe one day you will have a little light in the darkness, if you haven’t found a light already. Another thing I’m going to say (and again, I suck at saying what I mean so if it doesn’t make sense just bare with me) is if she left you, it isn’t the end. I’m sure there will be someone else. Just keep in mind that those kids love you I’m sure and they want you to stay with them.
Okay I’ve spoken my mind, sorry ifbit doesn’t make too much sense, again, I’m not good at encouraging people to see bright sides.
It sounds like your wife’s departure is a recent event? If so, please try to hang in there, because the odds are good that you’ll feel better again. Suicide isn’t going anywhere; you can always do that later if things don’t improve. But if you do choose that, spend as much time as you can with your kids, and make sure they know how much you love them.
My circumstances are very different from yours, but i recently lost someone too. I understand the emptiness and the hopelessness. I’m really sorry you’re suffering.
The part that screws with me the most is she’s using my kids for a manipulative tool and keeps taking them from me. They’re all I have in this world and without them I don’t find meaning. I have nothing left but scars. Scars that run deep. Everybody tells me I have a purpose for living but I don’t see it and that messes with me daily. I just want to be numb and non existent. I don’t want to feel but I can’t seem to turn it off. There isn’t enough alcohol in this world. I tried that route. I want off this roller coaster ride.