i hope this makes me feel better

im a 20 yo male. ive been feeling this way a while now, it doesn’t seem to be getting better. i have friends and family that love me just as much as i love them. as much as it hurts though, i don’t think they can fix the way i feel. i don’t feel control over my emotions like i used to. i have good days, then i have days where i feel like im falling much too fast to be caught. no hard drugs here, just pot. i think it helps me. i don’t want to depend on it though. i have support, i just don’t know if i want to go through explaining to my parents and possibly family how i feel because i don’t want to be dependent on anyone or even have to be treated. i don’t want to be treated differently because ive thought and actually considered such dark things such as suicide, how do i overcome this fear of being treated like a total basket case if i tell them?