time is running out

I keep getting these constant fears that im going to end up all alone and it seems like it might be true.in 10 years will my parents even be alive and were will I be if there not here to take care of me.im going completely insane cause Ive never worked.i don’t do college . I’ve never been in a relationship nor is anyone even remotely interested in me.no kids.im disabled I want to die but am a coward who cant find the strength to jump off a bridge and the only other thing ive ever tried is overdose . everyone says im doing well but they really don’t know of my plans.gosh im surprised everyone isnt sick of me on this site. Ive posted so many times yet im still here.

I feel like if my parents die thatll be the end of me but I don’t want to get to that point. In death life pauses for you all you remember are when they were happy I wish it could stay that way without having to die but there are no other options. Everyone has to die I just don’t want to have to hurt like that I want it all to just stop right here were everyone is happy. Just like my father told me about my grandmother she died when my dad was nine but she never wanted to see her children die and she died and got that wish.it sounds selfish but we all think it.and I want to be like my grandmother. And I just know I have to figure this out soon cause time is not being kind and I just have to get out before that hole in my heart full of sadness and fear and anger eats me whole