Turn Around and Go Home; This Thing is Broken

Turn around and go home. Home, indeed, but not the traditional home as most people think, i.e. your literal home. This thing is broken. Turn around and go home. To nonexistence. Indeed, nonexistence would be a beautiful state to be in, if, in fact, you could even consider it a state of being. How do you even define nonexistence? No feeling, at all (mentally). No sounds. No colors, though I already know what that’s like. Nothing to smell, or taste, or touch. In fact, would perceiving the perception that you don’t experience any of this be considered nonexistence? I’m sure I don’t know.

But anyway. I wonder what nonexistence was like before I was a fetus. I wonder what it shall be like after I overdose on sleep medication in a few months. When the deed is done, I wish I could come back and tell you. Alas, if such a thing were possible, it would never be believed, let alone taken seriously. This guy comes back from the dead, finds his Mac amongst all the other stupid shit that was recklessly shoved in boxes, and starts typing with decaying hands. “I CAN TELL YOU WHAT DEATH IS LIKE,” the title screams, followed by a horrific description of something totally unbelievable. Sorry, no utopia for you, just destruction, or horrors that I can’t even think of. Would anybody believe that? Of course not.

Perhaps, absolutely none of what I described is valid; maybe it was all bullshit. Perhaps, life after death is a very individual thing. If you want nonexistence, fine. If you’d like the silly utopia sometimes called Heaven, that’s where you’ll go. Hell? Sure, why not. A laborious, hideous, horrific, frightening, never-ending death march? Sure (for more info on the fictitious yet frightening death march, read Stephen King’s latest). Some people desire to start their lives all over again. Is that possible, do you think, after death? If not, I ask you, why not? Perhaps string theory has a place here. Perhaps not. Speculation abounds! Could I go to an alternate universe, do you think?

I suppose speculating is a complete waste of my time. But when I get all sad and depressed and shit (99% of my day) I think of stupid shit like this. I’ve come up with all sorts of outlandish scenarios and questions, just because it’s interesting to imagine a concept that is, really, pretty unimaginable. (Did I just contradict myself?)…

Turn around and go home (wherever that is); this thing is broken. Your life is fucked. Some people are remarkably emotionally strong. To them, I tip my (admittedly nonexistent/virtual) hat. But myself. In a few months, I’ll end up a very dead person. I’ll turn around and go home, wherever that is, because I am one depressed fuck. It might even be like coming home after one of those long days.

But I have no idea what the fuck I’m talking about. Nothing unusual. You’ve no idea what the fuck you’re talking about, so shut the fuck up. In fact, you, sir, are an incompetent fuck; and, therefore, should just go away immediately.

🙂

🙁

Well, I shall do as requested. It cannot happen this very second. But…

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving, if you celebrate. Eat lots of turkey. Even if you don’t celebrate, eat lots of turkey, just for shits and giggles. Half the people I know just gobble down their turkey (haha, see what I did there?) and don’t give a fuck about thanks. I guess I gotta thank the world for inventing sleep aids, since they shall be the tool for my demise.

Seriously, though, I will give thanks to the poor souls who have had to deal with my fuckery on Thanksgiving. I will give thanks to a bunch of other shit that nobody gives a fuck about, also, as we gather around and say a brief prayer, people getting up from tables and couches, ceasing conversation, the television briefly dying. “We give thanks for all being healthy; for being here,” my uncle (well, great-uncle) will proclaim, as always. “We give thanks for all that God has help us accomplish this year. We give thanks…”

And the prayer goes on for a bit. Being atheist, I just go along with it to avoid disappointing people and wreck an otherwise (fun?) family gathering. I suppose that, even if you don’t pray, you can give thanks anyway in different ways. I don’t know about you, but I plan to thank some people personally for various things; for dealing with the biggest burden in the world. It’s the last time I’ll be able to do it, so hey.

Again, happy Thanksgiving and such.