so the other day I was thinking about leaving my husband but now I can’t ……WHY?????? BECAUSE MY MOTHERFUCKING PHONE BROKE…. so anyway for me to leave is gone no way to contact my family to get me a plain or get my own tickets no way of calling a cab or anything how why why…… wow so god works in weird ways but really break the only thing that gave me solace…really…..I hate my life really bad…. now if I do still leave I have two wait two weeks . and spend money I don’t have I literally fucked and it’s snowing it April […]
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I died
To Wear The Black Coat
I put on a coat today. The last time I wore it, I died.
Not of embarrassment, or heat stroke.
I didn’t die laughing or of fright.
I died.
I was dead.
Dead.
I died on the beach. I could hear the ocean.
The coat has sand in the pockets.
I overdosed on a plethora of pills, hundreds of them, taken with a quantity of alcohol as I drove, careening blindly in the darkness over mountain passes between valley and sea.
I returned to a place where I last felt true, unencumbered, hope. Where I felt romantic love for the first time. Where I felt the future was all […]
Someone told me they hoped I died. I shrugged. I think if someone told me “I hope you never find love” or “I hope you never find happiness” rather than “I hope you die” is probably the only thing that could really break me; because a life without happiness, love, and fulfillment is a pitiful life.
Besides, we’re all going to die anyway.
I’m from England but it seems everybody else on here is American? I don’t even know if I’ll stay on this site. For now I’m just using it as a ranting place. My mum finally let me keep my own tablets. I’m scared because sometimes I get so depressed that I have moments where I feel like nothing is real, like I don’t really exist so it wouldn’t matter if I died. If it happens again, I don’t want to fail again. Maybe I should jump instead.
I was temporarily away. Everything came to be too much, leaving me bedridden for a few days. I slept so much that my bed began to stink and my body began to rot, in a sense.
I really didn’t want to return. I had left behind a huge mess, thinking that I was finally going to exit for good and consequently avoid it.
But, unfortunately, I’m still here. My method was poorly carried out that Wednesday morning.
So, fine. Physically, I’m here. I’m present. On this planet, I have mass.
Spiritually, though, I’m gone. I’m away. I’m not “beyond”, but I am absent.
When I came back the next week, […]
I just want my life back.. Swim team, varsity soccer captain, cheer squad, student council… A perfect boyfriend, and perfect friends. I had a life, and an amazing future to look forward to.
The thing is, I was amazing at faking it. I put on a smile and didn’t let anyone ever see it fade. And now too much has happened and I’m exhausted from lying and being someone I can’t be anymore.
I want my mom back.
I want to be that blissfully happy teenager who had no worries. Instead of this depressed anxiety-ridden maniac that walks around like the living dead. I might be alive, but […]
I don’t know if anyone else has to put up with this but my closest relatives don’t take my Major Depression and PTSD seriously. Even with prescription medication they still act as if it’s no big deal. They act like I’m just being “selfish” and I think it’s partly because they are largely responsible for some of the most awful psychological and physical abuse to begin with. Sometimes I get the impression they’d prefer it if I died.
I feel so bad. I feel empty. I don’t know what the purpose for me living is. The only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because my parents would be very sad if I died. But why should I just keep living because of them? After all, they’re part of the reason I want to kill myself. I just don’t know what to do.
I can’t take it guys…. I can’t do it…. I’m so low right now.. Everyone is out and having fun and enjoying themselves without me and I’m sure no one will even notice that I’m not there, just like if I died. No one would notice that I wasn’t there. Maybe I would be a sad story to tell your children ten years from now about mental illness or what happens when people aren’t loved. Maybe those that I know will cry for a day, maybe they’ll mourn for a week.. And then it’ll be over and people will forget, slowly or quickly. Everyone will […]
We met, we fell in love. Loved for a short time, broke up. I cried, he didn’t care. He loved again, I died…
September 2014, the quiet rural suburbs heard the screams of my partner, followed by the police and ambulance. Id followed through. I tied a slip knot made from high strength marine rope, tied it with a double hitch around the truss of the shed climbed 2 mtrs off the ground smiled at my partner and jumped off.
4 days later i awoke in a daze in icu on life support unable to move. I had broken my C1 and neurological damage was unknown. I was stabilized over the next few days and air lifted to our state capital some 350kms away to undergo further testing.
.. … […]
So just had a huge blow out with my family. My mom fired me from work and I don’t know what to do. I always feel so alone when I’m home. Like I feel kinda invisible. They don’t need me. They have my cousins. They probably wouldn’t even notice if I died. I’m just a bother. A fuck up. They would be better off with out me. Maybe I should end it all. It would make everyone happier. I mean hell all I am is a disappointment.
I am so tired of living this way. I am 29 no job no home. Living with my fiances mother who hates me… I don’t know what to do or where to go… I honestly believe that if I died tonight no one would even shed a tear… they would all party…
I need the edge of insanity, to know I’m not crazy.
I want to share the darkest parts of me, be heard and understood.
I crave my death, but will fight for last breaths.
Inside I’m dead, I died when you left.
I can only see my beauty, inside empty hearts.
I need to suffer for my pleasure, I want to suffer for my art.
Are you the one to take me there? Come play loves darkest game.
Mark me with dark bruises, in time they’ll fade away.
Watch me through your windows, while im […]
How many of you would actually care if I died, and if you did, for how long? I mean if I died the sun would still rise and set, the seasons would still change, my death would change nothing in the world. I’m nothing special, so why do you care what happens to me? My existence is meaningless, so therefore I believe that I do not need to stay. I mean, do you even know what it’s like to feel so damn sad and empty all the time and just wake up everyday to just fake a smile and pretend to be oh so very […]
I messed up. I am so fucking stupid. Now, it’s been three days and a non-stop panic attack. It’d just be better if I died and never existed.
I’m not sure if I’m depressed or I’m just feeling the blues. I am sad, but nothing traumatic or stressful has happened in my life. I deal with constant thoughts of suicide, but I know that my family would be devastated if I died. My mother already deals with anxiety, and a couple of people have killed themselves in my family. But I’m not experiencing weight loss or gain, and my sleeping patterns have not changed. I feel this big sense of hopelessness and pessimism, and people have told me that I’m very emotional and sensitive (although I try not to be).
That’s what I was told. By my own father. I’m only 17.
It makes me wonder then, would he actually feel sadness if I died? I sort of want to put it to the test, but what if that’s just depression screaming at me?
I’m surprisingly calm about this. I’ve been endlessly suicidal recently and I’ve given myself time to come to terms with the fact that maybe I don’t want a future.
Oh, I don’t know really… I think I’ve hit the most agonising rockbottom so far and I don’t think I can pull myself up from this one.
I was the most picked on girl and I still am. Over the summer my mom and I got into many many fights. She had told me over and over that if I died her life would be perfect. So I started taking pills and cutting after almost one year of not cutting. She gets drunk one night and yells at me till I leave the house at ten. I walk to town almost six miles away. I sit down because all the pills kick in. Now I also must say I was drinking to that night. But after I sat down a cop pulled […]
Unfathomed, now I’m just fucked
That’s right, nobody gives a fuck if I died
I wish I could go to a bar and motherfucking fight, too
Like a gentlemen with my fist but then I’m just a fish
What the fuck now
Muk and the gloom, a dying flower waiting to be bloomed
By the time I finish the weed, let me get the fuck out
The entire world is some-kind of ***** like me
A higher place, take me to, a higher place
Take me to the sands
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