I honestly don’t know why I’m writing this… I can’t say that I want to commit suicide… at least not right now. I’m meant to be doing coursework right now so I’ll probably finish that then contemplate taking my own life.
I have a great life. I study, I have a family and friends, but at the same time I’m not good at anything that I study in my course, I loathe and despise the members of my family no matter what they do I can feel a deep poisonous hatred for them. And… I’m not sure if I actually friends… I have people I talk to and I follow them. But I’m almost certain that if I have any qualities that would classify me as a friend hey are outweighed by something detrimental. Sometimes it’s just so hard to keep a friend. My room-mate for example, tonight I asked him to help me work, I don; think he could see that I was upset… (then again I’ve learnt to hide it) all he asked was “need anything? Cool… I’m away to bed”
Sometimes I think that I personify the deadly sin of greed. My avarice has no limits – the only thing that matters to me is money… Money can get me anything I want, For fuck’s sake it’s still possible to buy people these days. I’m not sure if I’m sickened by this desire or if I’m enthralled by it
There’s so much disgust and suffering around and all I can think of to do is to end my life… On the one hand it’s an end to the constant toughts going through my head but it could also mean losing any ability to remember ANYTHING that I don’t hate… if there is anything
I currently am listening to Poor Unfortunate Souls, I believe this will keep me going for now.
I’ve actually just read over this, God it’s pathetic, it’s like a twisted comedy monologue, if anyone’s reading this I’m actually sorry you had to waste your time on this piece of shit.
5 comments
its my time, ill waste it if i want to. the anger and hate is normal. its a part of the problem. anger is an emotion, and can be dealt with the same way as any other emotion. hate is held on to anger from past experiences. like a mold, it grows and consumes till the whole container is full. hate is personally destructive, and difficult to remove. it takes work to get rid of it, and effort to keep it away. we all are greedy. whether it be for money, sex, power,people, whatever. a friend once told me ” money cant buy happiness, but with it you can be miserable in comfort”. i wouldnt know, ive never had either. peace to ya
It is slightly comforting to hear that. Thank you and good luck to you as wel
slightly is better than none. on this site we take our victories whever we can
poor unfortunate souls, from the little mermaid, right?is there any other? anyway, i’ve been thinking about that you know, if there was a kind of ursula-figure around i most definitely will ask for one of her spells…but damn, if i’m not scared of being turned into one of her polyps…love that song, by the way.
Thanks, yea it’s that song. I’d take one of her deals regardless of the consequences