I hate who I was and I don’t like who I am. Its hard to move on when your past is always looking at you. I can forgive myself, but I can’t forget the things I had to go through and had to subject others to go through. I was an ass and I admit it. I’m immature and scared to live my life. I joke when it is unnecessary and hide away from my life.
I say the wrong things a lot and just don’t understand people. I have no friends and am literally in the definition of a loner. I cannot connect with people my own age at all or just people in general. Its my own fault for having no one in my life I guess. I find everyone to be an asshole, people don’t want to be friends with you they just use you and want to destroy you. It feels like everyone around me just wants to destroy me, I’m okay with it though I will gladly take the pain that they give me.
Sometimes I just want to drift in my sleep and always dream. I just wanna stay in my dreams and live the way I want. I wish to dream every night and stay in a place that can accept me for “me”.
1 comment
Reading your post I can say I honestly understand where you are coming from. I think back to a time of the hopes and dreams I had years ago of who I was going to be and fast forward I feel like I’m nowhere near those dreams. Past betrayals have left me guarded which has left me in a state of not being able to connect to anyone. I internalize everything and in public I laugh and joke as a way to hide and cope. The irony is I work in a profession where I’m surrounded by people everyday and it is my job to help them feel and look better. But yet I feel so alone everyday. I go home and all I want to do is sleep and dream about how my life could’ve turned out. I don’t feel like anyone understands me nor do I have anyone to talk to. Each day passes but yet I’m still here. I came across your post and I feel like I was reading a page out of my own book. I just wanted to say I understand and you aren’t alone in the way that you feel.