okay so I’m new around here so I’m going to introduce myself, I’m 14 and suicidal. I weigh 110lbs and I’m 5’3. I started self harming about 6 months ago but it started off very rarely however now I cut everyday, sometimes even twice or thrice a day. I think it’s safe to say that I hate myself and everyone around me does too.
I have friends but I feel like they just kind of tolerate me but don’t actually like me. My parents are both highly educated and my brother is super smart – he recently did his GCSEs and got 10 A*. My parents obviously think I’m smarter than I am and I always feel the need to lie to them and say stupid things like ‘today a teacher told me I did really good’ or ‘yeah I got the highest in my class’. But now it’s coming up to my mocks and I feel like I’m going to fail miserably and they’re going to hate me more than they already do since I’m really not the perfect daughter they wanted – I wear black, listen to ‘scary bands’ (mcr, bvb, ptv, sws, adtr etc). My brother hates me too, he always calls me fat and ugly and doesn’t talk to me unless he has too and to be honest I don’t think that he realises that him calling me fat makes me never want to eat anything.
I feel like I try so hard to please everyone around me and am always being someone different around different people – like I can never be myself. In the end it all just comes down to me never living up to anyone’s expectations and I’m just sick of it. I’m trying so hard to be clever and do well in school, I’m trying so hard to stop self-harming, I’m trying so hard to eat normally, I’m trying so hard to just be normal but I can’t do it.
I just want to be myself but I can’t. I want to be accepted as I am. I don’t even understand how I can be such a failure?
5 comments
You can only be accepted as you are if you accept yourself and surround yourself with those that accept you. In reality we can’t always please everyone, even those that it’s imperative to please, all that we can do is be the best person we can be and be proud of that. You don’t owe anyone anything. That’s horrible that your brother bullies you, I know it’s easier said than done, but his words should not affect you because they’re not true and if he is a bad person his opinion doesn’t matter. No matter what he says it doesn’t change the person you are, and you seem like a good person. You seem to have much potential, I think you’re smart as well and I think that talent is something you can utilize. Don’t give up on yourself, no matter how cliche that is, circumstances will change in time and there will be a point where you aren’t “obligated” to please everyone. Trying to change who you are will only attract crowds of people that aren’t compatible with you and in the end you’ll just end up miserable. Ignore those that put you down and strive to be the best person you can be, their words don’t matter – what matters is how you perceive yourself. Be proud of who you are as you are a person that offers things in the world that no one else can.
Chirp, Tweet, chirp….What Russo said. And one other thing..seeing as I’m on a bird thing. The bird singing doesn’t give any effort to singing. It just sings it’s song. I love it because he’s or she’s just being and doing what a bird does with seemingly no regard to attempt to please anyone or act like a chicken. So, my bird brained advice is to relax into yourself. Drop the internal struggling because that only creates external struggling. Then sing your song the way you want to sing it. No need to convince anyone!! I’m listening and it sounds beautiful.
Know that they have their own problems which they are taking out on you. And thats not right and its not fair, and its not your fault. Can you tell someone you trust? A teacher, extended family?
I love you. I have never met you and I love you. I will never meet you and I still love you. This isn’t that hippy or religious or creeper kind of love. This isn’t even the love of a boyfriend or even a friend. I have lived an insanely hellish life. I am always unhappy but at terms with it. I just want you to know that I love you. You exist. You are. You breath. You cry. You laugh. You smile. You live, love. Each moment, you live. Each moment of life kills you inside and rips you apart…the miracle hidden in living each moment…You survive. And that’s the thing I love most about you. Your will to survive. Have a good day, love.
That’s the same with me.
Trying to live up to expectations puts a lot of pressure on a person.
I just did my mocks and most likely failed terribly. Could barely write anything on the test papers. Didn’t know the answers. Felt stupid and pathetic because everyone, including my friends, have this perception that I’m smart and a high achiever. No. Just no.
You are not a failure. People are making you feel this way because they expect that you have to be a certain way, when you’re actually not. They need to realise and accept who you really are.
You have to understand that you can’t please everyone. You’ll end up hating yourself for not reaching their expectations, like with your parents, being a paragon of intelligence. You should try to please yourself instead.
Your brother is insensitive and is bullying you. That’s mean. You shouldn’t tolerate that if it’s making you feel worse.
I listen to ‘scary’ bands too. You’re not alone with that. People around me don’t appreciate that kind of music taste. It’s fine, as long as I enjoy it. Speaking of which, I recently went to a BVB concert.