I’ve been well aware of my anxiety and depression for a while now (5 years). I am 20. I go through phases of suicidal thoughts. I’m mostly fine, but sometimes it all becomes too much and I want to die. I’ll google the painless way to kill yourself.
Last summer I started dating a guy. He is wonderful and kind and sweet and caring. He is who you dream of meeting. But. There’s always a but. I think we fell in love too soon, too fast. Because now, 8 months later, I don’t know what I want. I don’t know if I love him. But I know he loves me. He is so in love with me it hurts to talk to him because I know I can only hurt him. I’m anxious all the time because I know it has to end eventually. I know he isn’t the one. But I know it will crush him.
I keep all this bottled inside me, afraid to even say it out loud. I just want the world to stop. I want to stop existing. I care about him, but I’m not in love with him and now I don’t know how to handle all this anxiety. It would be easy to just say I should leave him because that is what is best for me, but that causes all new kinds of sadness and anxiety knowing I caused him pain. I almost wish I hadn’t met him because then I wouldn’t know what it feels like to break someone’s heart…
4 comments
I’d say the most time passes the worse it’s going to be for him when you break it up. If you’re really sure that you don’t want to be with him in the future be honest with him before more time passes. I don’t really believe in that “the one” thing, and i don’t think that people in their 20s really know what they want (maybe you’ll realize you do want to be with him later on), but if you don’t love him… you just don’t. Do some soul searching into it, if you still think and feel like it’s over… most likely it is.
ditto- what Mf said… you may think that the kinder thing to do is hang on a little longer but he will only sense that somethings off, if he hasn’t already. then it could turn ugly cause if he is feeling hurt and rejected, the natural response to that is anger and he’ll prob start accusing you of cheating… blah blah blah – you know the rest…
try not to be so hard on yourself, you can’t help who you love or don’t love but you can honor the relationship by acknowledging the good times and acknowledge him as well as being a part of your life that has good memories. a lot of people have yet to experience what you just did these past 8 months, so keep it close to your heart and if your sure about your feelings then you gotta let him go- like a bandaid though quick is less painful- trust me… i’m usually the one getting dumped
good luck!
iām usually the one getting dumped <- you've definitely dated my ex's brothers, lol š
I was in the same situation many years ago. Even when I told him that I didn’t want to marry him, he continured to be my friend, although I always knew he wanted more. Finally, in desparation, I hurt him. Six months later he met the woman he married. I still wish I could have been that woman, but i wasn’t. I had too much to figure out within myself.
Today, over 40 years later, he is still married, and he and I are friends via email and Facebook. I’ve met his wife. She’s a great woman. I like her a lot.
Don’t keep him dangling. Give him a chance to meet someone who is ready to return the love he has to share. It will hurt at times in the future. You will wonder why you counldn’t commint to such a great guy. But that is life and where you are. Grab your freedom, keep earning it and learn to love it.