I’ve come a long way since I was younger. The last years of my life have been filled with travel, education, and growth. Even though it was good, I still felt like I didn’t want to stick around. I stomached it and tried to make myself happy anyway, because there were times where I was honest to god glad to be alive.
It would suck if I never stopped feeling like this though. Objectively speaking, I’m at the top of the world. I have everything that I could want and I try to dedicate time out of everyday to be grateful for it, but sometimes I feel like these gifts were wasted on me. I’m scared of what I’m going to do with them. It seems that I’m going to fail the people that I love either way, so should I just nip it in the bud while I’m on a good note or continue to spiral out of control and do it anyway?
I don’t think I have suicide in me. I think about it everyday, though. All the fear, stress, and pain that I’m trying to escape from is only going to amplify into the souls of everyone that I love. I either have to grow strong and try my best, or make a decision on whether or not I’m going to continue. This living in between kind of sucks.
1 comment
Maybe talking to someone would help with the fear, stress, and pain that you’re feeling? Perhaps there are things inside you that need to come out, if you’re thinking about suicide, even passively, it’s probably a good idea to reach out. It also might prevent you from spiraling out of control.
I hope you’re able to get enjoyment for your birthday. Here in the States, one’s 21st birthday is a significant milestone.