yesterday when i was done and tried to kill myself, i found out something new about myself :i’m so coward . i was REALLY angry of being alive but i couldn’t kill myself i couldn’t cut my wrist with blade. i tried but it was painful so i just ended up crying like a little child and now i have another reason to hate myself. i always thought that i can kill myself if i really want to but i was absolutely wrong.
my sister told me that she loves me and begged me not to kill myself. i remember once she cried so hard on my hug and told me she wants to die. i was so confused because i couldn’t understand why she wants to be dead when she’s such a successful and beautiful girl. now i understand. well another reason that i hate myself is… that i don’t care about what my family would feel if i commit suicide. i don’t really love anybody. that’s bad.
i used to believe that god is good. now i think god is just so cruel that has created us and forced us to live.
and now i don’t really know what to do. just keep on living? life isn’t that bad but i don’t have ANY reason to continue and it feels bad when you don’t really want to go on. i mean it looks like a failure when you cannot stop it. it seems like… god has won. i really don’t know what to do next.
thank you for reading this and i hope that my words doesn’t make anybody to feel like me.