Miserably mental and mentally miserable…

Which is it, I don’t even know. Both maybe. I’m 30 years old and mentally miserable with my life. I’m alone and no one understands. I was with my partner for 2 years when she decided to kick me out because she couldn’t handle my depression, anxiety, social disorders and PTSD due to so much trauma, deceit, abuse and neglect in my life. It’s been this way since I was young. I thought my world was complete with her. We did everything together and I was even starting to socialize more with her friends coming over, visiting, us hanging out on the porch together. I know it sounds so petty but that was a huge challenge for me. I was conquering it, thinking I might beat my mental disabilities, then SMACK right in my face (not literally) she says she can’t handle my problems if I’m never going to get better. Well NOW I can’t get better, how am I supposed to get better when I am now all alone and the only person that could help me get through my mental state was her? I’m ready to go and have this pain end. I don’t know how yet cause I don’t know what to do. I Wish I could talk to her once more. I wish I could hear her voice tell me it’s ok. I want to feel her hugs that comforted me for those two years and smell her perfume as she kissed me goodbye before she went to work. If I would have only done things different, why am I such a loser?
Why can’t there be an easy way for the ones that won’t ever be happy again, who have lost their whole lives and healing is impossible? Life is so full of pain, at least the way we die should be peaceful. But it’s probably going to be full of pain too. I just don’t know when or how.