I wish I had the guts to do what I need to do

I am 34 years old. I am absolutely worthless. I am alone and will always be that way because I am the ugliest creature on the planet (short, fat, and the most disgusting butterface anyone has ever had the displeasure of laying eyes on). I have no hope to ever be loved. I have been trying so hard to be happy and I was doing well for a while. I was volunteering, working with kids since I will never have any of my own but my sister screwed that up by starting some shit with the wrong people online and dragging me down  with her even though I had absolutely nothing to do with it. At least she has a husband to keep her warm at night. I have nobody. All the people in my life that I considered friends have now been taken from me. I guess I had no friends all along. Go figure. But, at least before, I could pretend I did.  Now, I have no one and absolutely no purpose in life. The only thing I got up every day for is gone. I am nothing. I am the shit on the bottom of someone’s shoe. I need to just roll over and die. If only it were that easy.  I’m too much of a coward to even do that right. I should just do it before I have a chance to change my mind.