I loved him. It was two long years with him. I cared. I gave 100% everyday I was with him. And the fact that he wants nothing to do with me is the worst feeling ever.
So I heard he was cheating on me. Which turned out to be a lie. He breaks up with me. I go take him his clothes. I get there and he won’t even acknowledge me. I run after him. Trying to get some kind of closure. He won’t give me any attention. That’s when I snap. [being ignored is my biggest pet peeve and what triggers my depression is usually boys] so I jump on his back trying to cling to him. A fight breaks loose. After all that he finally says this isn’t gonna work and we need a break.
I have a hard time letting boyfriends go. I fight long and hard. I think wether I’m in a relationship or not really affects my mood. As sad as that is. When we were together, I was happy. I was normal. Now we have been broken up for almost a month and I’m losing my mind. I’m not stable enough for this. I tend to throw everything into a boy when I know that is my biggest trigger. That’s what sent me to rehab. That’s what drove me to cutting.
Honestly i just want somebody to stick around and believe in me cause I clearly don’t believe in myself. I want somebody who loves me for me and NEVER leaves. I got a degree. I got my own place. My own car. I got everything but that. It depresses me because [not that I’m at the top] but the top is so lonely. No one to share my success with. No one to come home to. Just me and my dog.
5 comments
I feel your pain because I have the same pain too. She left me after 5 1/2 years. We had gotten engaged just a few weeks before she called it quits for the last time. She abandoned me and erased me. And so did her three kids. One of them called me dad for 5 years. But they haven’t had any communication with me in almost 4 months and they never will. Because she has gone back to her ex-husband, the one she left in order to be with me 6 years ago. So my life is now over. I had designed my entire existence around her and the kids. Nothing else matters to me. I have lost my reason to live. I have lost my will to live. I’m just done. When your life is over, what is the point of being alive?
Kinda in the same boat. Me and my ex-girlfriend of 3 years have been broken up for about 2 months now and everyday seems to be harder because I see how happy she is now that I am not in her life and that hurts more then any Razer…
I know what you mean. It feels horrible to lose someone you love so much. Being alone can really hurt and make it seem like life is not worth living. And being left by someone to whom you were committed and devoted is so devastating, debilitating, and physically painful. How to get over it, and how to ever risk trusting that way again after being hurt that deeply? I hope you guys will be all right. Please try not to give up.
YEP same here. knew the guy for 8 years we would be together on and off and he was ALWAYS THERE for me .. until this year to many stressful problems tore us apart , i acted crazy too sadly because I didn’t wanna let him go.. only to result in him thinking im even more crazy ha love how that works … so after the breakup(been almost 4 mo now) i still would contact him and he seen my insecurity which resulted in me getting used for sex about 5 times.. haven’t heard from him since.. not sure what hurts most.. how much he changed or how little value iam to him anymore…#fucklife
Yeah I pretty much acted crazy to keep him which made me look insane. So I understand. Sometimes I wonder why he’d do such a thing when he knows my condition.