Hello SP community!!!! How is everyone doing today?? I hope you all are as well as can be expected……….. I know that those of us that even come to a site like this are not in the best Mental Health and if you are anything like me you really don’t have too many (or maybe none???? I know I fall into such a category…..) good days. But I can wish it for you and perhaps something can come along and make the day a little more tolerable and a light of hope-if nothing but a spark-can help you make it through one more day. So, I wish all members of this community that at least, if we cannot have anything else at this time in our lives. We can at least have that!!!!!
I am thinking of maybe posting more often on here. I have been mostly a reader for a couple years. It is within maybe the last year or so that I actually started to add my comments to some posts and make a couple of my own. I think I have been here now about a little over 3 years and have seen many people come and go. Some going on to live happier lives and can say SP was a rock for them during times they oridinarily wouldn’t make it. Others sadly I have seen post a final goodbye and be confirmed they gave up the fight. It is sad to know this, even when you never meet them in person. They share their thoughts, their opinion and stories, their backgrounds and lives with all of us in this community. Even jokes and funny stories I have seen on here at times. We post and they comment and then we comment on their posts and then……..well, is it any wonder we feel the loss if something happens to them????
We all come here for the common purpose of sharing and/or helping those who know a little something about Mental Illnesses. And I certainly fall into such a category myself. I won’t go into much detail right now and perhaps will in later posts if need be, though anyone could go back and see the last post I wrote and know what “qualifies” me for writing on this subject and being on a site like this. But I will just say for now I have been diagnosed with a number of different Mental Illnesses and no treatments I have tried has ever really seemed to work. And it has become a 10 1/2 year battle for me so far. And like most of you (at least most I have seen…..) my hope is fading fast.
Suicide looks like the only solution to such an insidious disease as the ones we face. But for now, I continue to fight. I am not sure how long I can keep it up but I am determined that should I kill myself one day, it won’t be before I know I have given it my best shot. I figure we deserve to give it nothing less than our best!!!!!! This is a monster of an Illness, but at least we all have this community. And though I have not been much of a poster as of yet, I have been helped by you all just the same. And the thanks I could give to each of you is beyond what any words can say!!!!!!!!!
So, I guess this is sort of an Introduction???? Not really sure where I was going with this. I am a writer but on a site like this I am never too sure of what to say and how to say it. lol But this is a little about me and a lot of my musings over the last couple years as a reader. Now, I think I am ready to try and be more involved with the community. And I look forward to sharing with you all and helping as well if I can!!!!!! I will be around…………………..
So, I guess I will sign off for now, thanks SO much to those who read this!!!!!!!! I hope to talk to you all soon!!!!!! 🙂
~Lost26
41 comments
Well I’m a new newbie so it’s nice to meet an old newbie! Lol
Lol Nice to meet you too!!!!! To be honest, I wasn’t sure what to say really. Not really “new” but then I am pretty new to being an active participamt in this community so I said well, why not “old newbie??” Lol Anyway, again, nice to meet you too!!!!! I am looking forward to getting to know and reach out to those in this community. I have been through and am going through a lot. I want to use it to help others. Always have. It is so good to hear from you!!!!
Do you mind telling me a little about yourself and why you are here?? Please, hear me though. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ANSWER OR SAY ANYTHING THAT YOU DON’T WANT TO!!!!! I WILL NOT be offended whatsoever!!!!!! 🙂 My heart is just to accept people and be a friend. And support people that need it. Some come on that site for this reason. However, I am different in that I am also still walking the path as well!!!!! But then all of us lend a hand when needed I think for the most part. 🙂 Anyway, even if you don’t respond that is up to you thatmazdaguy, I just thought I would say hi, introduce myself and what I am all about, and say I look forward to seeing you around!!!!!!!! Have a good day ok?? 🙂
Haha it’s all good! I’m here for very similar reasons as yourself. I’m here trying to offer a lending hand to those in need, but also trying to keep myself from diving under. I love helping people, but at the point in my life I’m at, it is becoming hard. I hope reaching out to people with help me remember why I’ve come this far in life. Well, there’s not too much to say about myself, I’m kinda boring lol.
Lol Yeah, like I said most of us are that way. I find it amazing how much we care about others but not ourselves. lol At least, that is me anyway. I know the feeling of it becoming hard though. I am very limited by these Mental Issues myself. In fact, I have not even been on SP much here lately. But I want to get back to being on here and giving myself a chance to help. Even if all I can offer is being here to listen. This is a perfect place to remember why we have come this far in life and that though we may feel alone and often judged by society, here we are truly accepted and understood. This to me is priceless.
OH, and if you want to become “less boring” there is a post on here about Quantum Physics and it sounds interesting. Hahahahaha I am just joking ok???? But thought I might say something a little light hearted. 🙂 I am kinda borig myself. I have much I used to want to do and much I could do, sadly I have pretty much done nothing for years now. 🙁 Oh well, maybe someday for the both of my friend???? We shall see!!!!!!! 🙂
Funny you should say that because just a few days ago I watch a video describing quantum physics and the whole Schrödinger’s Cat theory behind it. Coeincidence? Lol
Hmm…………..thatmazdaguy, I think you need more to justify that as luck!!!!!! LOL Who in this world talks much about Quantum Physics anymore???? I have not thought about something like that in years. And no, I am totally clueless but I seem to remember some show………………….Maybe there is no relation though. “Quantum Leap?????” Might not be related but they said things about Physics and stuff when he leaped to another time/world/dimension, etc. Might sound like a dumb question. But not quite as dumb as the ice on the stick thing. Ah well, give the youngster a break guys ok????? hahahaha Especially about Quantum Physics. lol I need to go hunt down the user who mae that post………………they could tell me I am sure!!!!!! Maybe sometime but NOT NOW. Bedtime……….goodnight ALL!!!!!!!! 🙂 (One day I want to learn how to make the sleepy smiley face and use it. lol)
I watched Quantum leap. Perhaps you are not as “old” here as you seem to think. Granted, I have always been a bit of an old soul. As for stick on the ice… well, I actually stole it from an older Canadian show that was rebroadcast on public t.v. here. I just happen to like the phrase and connotation :).
Actually, I am thinking I am more younger not older. lol But then, I see all those kids who are coming to SP here lately and it breaks my heart to be honest……….. :'( And I have also been sort of an “old soul” as well all my life. No, I am the youngster and asking for the break. hahahaha And thanks for sharing that and yeah, I got it now. Ah, blame it on too much analyzing or the fact it 2am here???? Anyway, goodnight!!!!!!!!! 🙂
I suspect we are probably fairly close in age…
Commenting and posting are half the fun! Welcome to the club 🙂 I look very much forward to reading your comments and posts. And from what I have read, I, at least will enjoy your words. You seem to be in a really good mood! It really shines through in your writing. I hope you are able to hold onto that feeling 🙂
Hey Cephalus!!!!! I actually saw your kind words to me on another thread about my friend!!!!! I don’t know if you read it, but maybe not. I wanted to say thank you for keeping me and Cope in your thoughts as we deal with this. I am not sure if you know but she is alive…………..but DEF needs all the prayers and good thoughts, energies, etc. that she can get right now!!!!!! She was transferred to a Psych Ward last night and she will likely text me when she gets home from the hoospital like she always does. But your were sweet and I wished to thank you for that!!!!!! Ha, I got choked up myself!!!! LOL
And thanks for the welcome as well!!!!!! It is an interesting situation knowing the regulars here but them not knowing me. lol I hope to change that though soon enough. 🙂 And haha, yeah, the mood thing well, I fight this like everyone else does. Not feeling that great now but hey, if there is one thing we all learn quickly it is how to put on an act right???? hahahaha And actually, I am going to be as real with everyone about whatever. Especially my issues.
I live with a lot of the Mental Illnesses and like many it is a never ending struggle aside from sleeping…………………seriously, without sleep how many of us would not be here now???? LOL I know I wouldn’t be. And honestly, I am depressed and even suicidal. And I am thinking about all sorts of negative things. Not to mention, I have barely ate or drank much today. Too depressed to even see a need for that. But yeah, I am not trying to put on a front or anything ok???? Nor do I want you to feel sorry for me……………..we all are hanging on to life by a strand on here. And I am certainly no different!!!!!!!!
But at the same time, I don’t know. I just wish I could help in some way. I want to make people smile when I cannot work one up. Or make a joke or funny comment when I am typing it through tears of great sorrow……………………you know, things like that. And no, I don’t feel like I am bragging in anyway. That is normal to me and I know of no other way to be Cephalus. I really and truly don’t.
I just want to be one of the gang I guess. Serious when I need to be and share experiences if it is or could be helpful to the person. Talk about depression and various Illnesses, backgrounds, even Quantum Physics apparently. lol And I am not making fun, I really think it would be a most interesting study. 🙂 But anything. Be real and open. Always honest but not one to bring others down. And to get to know on a one on one basis the various users of this site. (As much as they wish to share of course………….)
This is the intentions of why I am here. So, while I sound cheerful. Perhaps I won’t be. In fact, I probably won’t be most of the time. But for me that doesn’t mean others cannot be made happy or at least smile by the things I may say or whatever. lol I guess it is true what they say. Sometimes, some of will do whatever we can to make another person happy because we know what it is like to feel pain. And we want to somehow make it better for others so they won’t have to feel it as well!!!!!!
Anyway, for now though I am getting off here. Likely I need to get off for the night. But tomorrow I will check back hopefully. Good day to you Cephalus and it is especially good to meet up with you so I could thank you for the other comment you made!!!!! Talk to you later!!!!!! 🙂
I’m a sucker for a good narrative.
You certainly have a fun way about you that I find myself enjoying.
While I find myself unable to help with prayers. Know that there are a few special people in my life I have lost contact with. Including a few people on SP I have emailed/conversed with that I have not heard from in a while. I worry about them. I miss our contact, our connectedness.
Haha, I’m not sure what gang you are referring too. I myself don’t feel like a regular, I’ve not been here long.
Be yourself, I for one enjoy it. You have brought me a smile today. If nothing else, know that.
We’re all in this together.
Keep your stick on the ice 🙂 I look forward to hearing more from you
-Cephalus
YAY!!!! You know, that is just what I need!!!!! A sucker for a good narrative. lol I happen to be a writer wanna be in desperate need of practice. Ha, do we make a good team or what???? Lol And I seem to be better received on computer sites………hmm, strange but anyway thank you for the comments. You are full of them today!!!!! Lol None the less appreciated though. Because on a brief serious note, like a lot of people on here I am not well like a lot in real life. 🙂 Mostly because I am around the older generation that doesn’t understand Mental Health problems.
Which actually leads me to my next comment. I believe in prayer. I believe in the Christian God and His Son Jesus Christ. HOWEVER, that being said know up front I couldn’t care less what you believe. One of the greatest gifts depression has given me if you could say that is the ability to accept people for who they are. I thought I did before but nothing like I do now. And there is such freedom I find in being that way with people. No sense in arguing and fussing about anything like that. At the end of the day, not one angry or judgmental word from the mouth of a so called “believer” is going to do anybody any good, including themselves!!!! No debate will solve anything or prove a point they so desperately think they need to prove. Because that too can be explained away and right or wrong a good, logical, answer can be given on both sides of the debate. And in the end, their is only more confusion not clarity or “I was right and now you coe believe like I do or go to Hell…………” etc. Cephalus, you are fine like you are. Which is why I also included good thoughts, energies, etc. in case you didn’t believe in that sort of thing. No matter what though. It is good to know you understand about my friend gonetoosoon, I know how you feel though. In fact, I have a certain friend that used to be on here and I am not naming any names in case someone on here remembers him. We have mostly newer people now but just in case. I say that because no one liked him. As usual, when I got his side he had a logical explanation. One I ended up able to prove true at least for my own peace of mind. I say that because I lost touch with him when all the craziness in his life started. I have been meaning to write him again and see if he is settled now. Catch up you know???? So, yeah I really DO know the feeling!!!!!!! 🙂
By “the gang” I mean everyone who calls SP a site they regularly come to and share. 🙂 Technically speaking, I have been here 3 years but yet only just now participating more. And if you are not part of the gang then wait, a keep coming regularly………ha, they will “Adopt” you soon enough!!!!!! hahahaha
I am going to be myself. I know of no other way to be. lol The Internet and being anonymous is a blessing a lot of times. Because you are less intimidated by others and able to be yourself a lot better than perhaps in person in the real world. And truly, in all seriousness now. If I have brought a smile to your face than the million and two words I have written to you in my messages today was well worth it. Hopefully only the first of many!!!!!!
Why?? Because we ARE all in this together. In fact, a lot of times for various reasons all we have is each other. I know sometimes people-even the ones who should understand the most-often do not understand me. I know this is a common thing I have read here as well over the years. Wanting people to understand and yet knowing short of experiencing it themselves they likely never will fully be able to understand us.
Now, I am getting sleepy and so bed for sure this time ok??? lol Just after 1am here. Ha, another common issue a lot of us have here: Insomnia. That alone is enough to drive a person crazy!!!!!!! lol
Well, “keep your ice on the stick too ok??” Especially since to be honest, that is a phrase I have never heard before. lol And actually, I think it needs to be kept in the freezer or it will melt. And where would you attach it to the stick???? Maybe freeze some water an-ahhhhh!!!!!! lol NEVER do this to me in the early morning hours!!!!!!!! One thing you will learn about me is I am very, very, analytical. Lol I will analyze ANY AND EVERYTHING to death or the nth degree. Hahahaha But anyway, are you an old codger to be thinking of something like that???? (And no offense, just thought that or you are a Northener???? I actually hope you are an old codger just so you might be able to tell me what that means EXACTLY………………..Hahahahahaha I have heard that phrase before and I know what it means but who in this world could have come up with something like that??????)
Anyway, goodnight. And now, I am officially going to bed (the other times were practice runs…………..lol) And get off here before I incriminate myself further. Well, I can be confident in this: I am on a suicide site so what I say I actually would fit right in. Listen, I have seen people comment totally drunk out of their heads before on here. And that give me GREAT comfort!!!!!!!! Hahahahahaha
Goodnight and talk to you later!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂
Keep your stick on the ice is a phrase usually related to hockey. It generally means to always be ready, but is sometimes used in a way to wish a person all the good things that may come their way. So often we miss all the little things in life. It’s a way of saying not to let them pass by unnoticed.
Oh boy, I think I could go a whole 10 rounds with you on many a topic. But, that is not really the point of the site. Suffice to say, yes, I don’t happen to believe in a higher power. But I, like you, don’t hold my point of view over any persons head. Doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy a good dialectic tho.
Haha, a “million and two words”. 🙂
I was all set to go to bed, then I got evicted due to a gas leak. Best estimate before we are allowed back in is two hours. In all likely hood, not till tomorrow. And if you think stick on the ice is messing with you… Just wait, I tend to be quite playful with words. And no, I’m not a northerner. However, I do have some cold blood in me.
Goodnight, or not, ^_^ talk to you soon.
Cephalus. hahahahaha Yeah, I think it must be in our human DNA to enjoy a good debate!!!!! And actually, 10 rounds would likely just be the warm up for us!!!!! LOL We could debate, I know a lot. But then, I am not into it as much as making friends. lol And as you said, that isn’t the point of this site!!!!! And honestly, not the point of why I am here either. As I said, I am not one to hold my religion over a person’s head. I mean, God (who I believe to be God anyway….) gave everyone the choice to believe or not to believe and He won’t force Himself on anyone who doesn’t want to follow Him then why is His people trying to do just that????? It makes no sense to me friend!!!!! I say live and let live. And I for one, would rather love people than argue over who is right. That is just the way I am……………………………
As for the gas leak…………I am hoping by now you have been able to return home!!!! Ha, it was a long time before I realized just how important gas was. Especially when my Grandmother still has a gas stove. lol She is old what can I say????? 🙂 But hoping all goes well for you Cephalus and yes, talk to you again soon!!!!!!!!! 🙂
Thank goodness someone game me choice, otherwise I would be left to my biomechanical devices… 🙂
I have this mental image of you when you type “…………………………” I wont say if it is positive or negative. I will leave that to your imagination.
We got back in this morning, I stayed at my friends mom’s house. Such a sweet woman. Sometimes all you see is the negative, and then you spend a little bit of time with a sweet caring person. And arn’t gas stoves the best? I find myself only able to adequately sear steak or chicken with my electric stove.
Cephalus, just think if I am wrong about there being a God you WERE left up to your biomechanical devices my friend!!!!!!! LOL But yet you do such a good job!!!!! Lol And well, not too sure I wish to guess your “image” of me. lol But think about it: we are on a suicide site do you think I am really going to say it is a positive one???? Lol Hopefully, it is not a negative one though. You seemed to enjoy our chats so yeah, maybe it is pretty decent of one. 🙂
Hey, glad you got to return home though friend!!!!! And yeah, I know about those caring Women……….most of the ones around me can be harsh at times and judgmental because of the various Mental Illnesses they see in me and don’t understand but well, some are a priceless gift. I am thankful for them for sure!!!!! I am glad you had a chance to see that there is some good still in this worls. No, I of all people see the negative, I think that is human nature in part for a some people but for us it is even more the truth.
And hahahaha yeah, well, my Grandma has a gas stove like I said and I guess I cannot complain as it cooks edible food. LOL 🙂 Honestly, I don’t cook so it matters little. Do you like to cook Cephalus???? I bet you can stear a mean steak or piece of chicken can you not???? Lol
Well, I will close. Forgive me for being so short. It is actually almost 1am here and as usual I am up keeping the night company. lol I hope you have been having a good few days and I apologize for not being on. Well, talk to you soon my friend and have a wonderful night OK????? 🙂
Ok ok, its a positive mental image. However, I did wonder how deliberate they were. Is the amount of dots indicative of how long you want me to ponder about what you were saying? Or is it how long you did? Or was it some period while you were thinking about what to say next? Is it strange to think about such things? 🙂
Yeah, I like to cook. Generally, way to lazy for it. And I won’t speak to if I make anything tasty. But I like spicy food. Mmm the spicier the better. I guess that’s part of why I am here, life seems so bland sometimes. Unsure of how to spice it up!
You said: “Forgive me for being so short.” I would never take issue with your height, I’m not nearly that superficial. I don’t much care if you are 2’3″ or 7’0″. I like you just the height you are!
I look forward to more of your finger words.
Cephalus, hey long time no hear (from me that is…..lol) Listen, I am not ignoring you and will do my best to write you back tomorrow ASAP OK???? You see, for me it is already tomorrow (a little after 5am…….) and I have not slept yet. As a female, you know that the bauty rest is a MUST!!!!!!! Ah, who am I kidding what do I really care about that?? LOL But I WOULD like to respond to you post so give me some sleep and I will be back this evening maybe???? (A killer to get to sleep but when I do I cannot seem to get up…………..LOL) With all you “smart aleck” questions and comments I want to be sharp enough to match wits here. Lol Besides, so early in the morning, your questions can even put MY analytical brain in a tailspin………………………and THAT is saying A LOT!!!!!! 🙂 SO, untul later my friend and I hope to talk to you soon. I have not been on though so if you read this could you shoot me a quick “I got this” message so I know you are still with me here???? (AND remember, you try anything more funny I have more ammo when I reply later………………..Bwahahahahaha 🙂 ) OK, goodnight (morning) and talk to you soon Cephalus!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂
Oh hi! I thought you got… Lost…
Hrm, *pokes eyeball* *prods other eye* *tugs on elbow* Yup, I seem to be here, at least all the important bits.
Hey there Lost, to quote Victor Laslow in Casablanca: “Welcome back to the fight. This time I know our side will win.” Hey well it sounds good at least, huh? Seriously, it’s great to have a positive force like you here 🙂
Salt, earlier I mentioned regulars and knowing them but them not knowing me………..well, you are one I have seen often and am talking about actually. 🙂 Yeah, not sure how convinced we are that this is the winning side but hey, the welcome and kind words is no less appreciated my friend!!!!! 🙂 And doesn’t “Casablanca” stand for white house?? Not too up on movies, perhaps some SP video education class is in order for me??? BUT I do take an interest in trying to learn foreign languages if I can. I only know English right now though. 🙁 But apparently, I know at least 2 words in Spanish as well. LOL AND a grammar rule as well (you know, them messing with our English and switching the words on us so we have to read them backwards lol………) Most of the time I am too crippled by Major Depression to do much of anything; including languages but it is certainly on my to do list and I do it as much as I possibly can!!!!!!!
Haha Seriously, read my first post I think it was in September last year…………..I get to high on the horse tell me to go back and read it OK????? Depression Central right there!!!!!! Lol OK, I have a lot of issues and yet I live in too much pain for others to not have some bright spots in their day. I also look forward to conversations with you salt. Sadly, I think I missed the one where you explained to the SP community your name????? Hahahaha Just joking my friend but also admittedly quite curious. Ah well, I hope this is only the first talk of many-to you and all the other cool people I have “met” today!!!!!!
………………..Yes, even you “BORING” thatmazdaguy!!!!!!! Hahahahahaha
Cope, thanks for the heads up on that “stick on ice” thing…………..haha now that you explained it that makes A LOT more sense!!!!!!! Lol Ah well, can you tell I am not a hockey fan????? hahahaha Well, anyway you learn something new every day right????? That would be my thing for the day. At almost 2am!!!!!!! 🙂
Heya Lost, ooh now I’m really curious to figure out who you are haha. But nah, I also understand the need to reinvent ourselves & start fresh (in life as well as with a new username, like so many of us have done)! So I’m content to know that you’re a new old friend 😉
I read your post from last September, and good golly you’ve got a mouthful of issues. I say that with admiration, knowing that you’re fighting it. Isn’t that what matters? I also suffer from some of the things you mentioned so I know exactly how it can be a downward spiral. Sometimes it feels as incurable and fatal as cancer. But hell, people have beat cancer before.
Honestly, posts like yours are my favorite thing to see around here. So full of energy & positivity, even though I know you’re going through hell. Sometimes if we make a really hard effort to appear positive for the sake of inspiring others, we end up fooling ourselves into being positive. So it’s a total win 🙂
Oh haha my username? Well I never explained it because it’s pretty lame actually :p You know the phrase about someone being “worth their salt”? Well supposedly it goes back to Roman times and has to do with people being paid in salt or something like that. Well when I was a kid I didn’t know that, and I thought it meant that people got somehow converted into salt, like boiled down or whatever haha (I had a pretty gruesome imagination). So to me the word “salt” always meant what was left after a person died, got their skin & flesh boiled away, stripped down to their essence. No more hiding behind appearances. Meh, it sounded good in my head when I signed up!
Oh and about languages, count me out as well… I used to know French way back, but now I barely remember English. But yeah, tell me about that to-do list. I want to learn so much stuff, but I end up staring at the ceiling most days. Oh well, we’ll keep trying tomorrow, right??
Salt, the second to the last sentence is precisely my problem!!!!!! I seriously could have wrote it myself and it is how I would explain my to-do list. Lol I am by nature, a person who is most content learning something new. I am not really into reading books or things for the “entertainment” as I feel better reading a book about a new hobby. Well, at least I used to before this disease struck. I actually have a lot of “catatonic” states with my Psychotic episodes. In fact, my Mom (adopted her…..lol) put on my Social Security sheet when applying for disability all I ever did was stare at a wall and pick my sleeves for hours and not even move. What I was thinking???? I don’t really know. My mind seemed pretty blank. I mean, technically that isn’t possible I don’t think but it seemed that way as I am not sure I was thinking of much of anything. I just seemed zoned out or something. Hard to explain I guess…………….:)
I appreciate the admiration Salt, it is a lot. But then, most people have multiple issues not just one thing. Hahahaha You would think one would be plenty right???? Lol And yeah, I appreciate your realization of what I go through. Honestly, most of the ones on this site do and I suppose it is why I hava always come back here for the last 3 years or so………….different people, different backgrounds, etc. But yet no matter the story I find myself nodding along and identifying with at least part of their story. It is a comforting feeling to know we are not alone. We are blessed to have this community and it is sad to me that people used to try and ban it from the Internet. Once again, judgmental people played apart in almost destroying a site that has helped so many and saved lives. Who could have anything against something like that????
I think your reasoning behind your username is cool my friend. I would not have thought of something like that. 🙂 So, is it that you were on SP to no longer hide because here you didn’t have to being anonymous????? I know I will NEVER think of “salt” the same way again!!!!!!! Ahhhh, and I happen to be a “salt a holic” when it comes to putting it on my food!!!!!! Do you think I am flavoring my food with dead people???? Bwahahahahahaha Look out I am in need of more salt soon!!!!!!!! 🙂 Especially targeted are people with names “salt” as I might mistake you for some!!!!!!!!! Lol But sounds cool now too so don’t sweat it…………….Lol Just as long as you aren’t saying your not worth “the salt that goes in your bread” as my Grandma says. Lol Or I have also heard “take what they say with a grain of salt” lol. See how “popular” you are????? Lol You know it but you are worth FAR more than that and until I have a reason not to, I absolutely trust what you say!!!!!!!!!! You seem like a great person!!!!!!! 🙂
Actually, about languages………….Spanish is one and A.S.L. (American Sign Language in case you don’t know……….?????) German, Italian, FRENCH (LOL) And also would like to learn Hebrew and Greek. French is one I was starting the other day and it seems to be just different enough from Spanish to be another language but I can see some similiarities. Thankfully, I am not one to be confused by more than one language at a time. And because of my mental issues that comes in SO handy let me tell you!!!!!!! And yeah, English is hard enough: I spend a lot of time answering questions I ask myself with other questions (For example, “Gee, I wonder what time it is???? Oh, it’s Monday. lol And I am not even sure if THAT is correct half of the time. Lol) But then, I am a glutton for punishment I guess. Lol And everything else on my list. Yeah, you name it.
The list consists of anything you could name I would imagine………….Instruments, Languages, Studies (In Science, History, Literature, etc.) and learning to draw, paint and Knit, Origami. Typing, even Tae Kwon Do (which means I don’t have to kill myself, it will do the job very nicely for me………..hahahahahahahaha) Photography is one and more than anything write books, articles, short stories, and poems to be published one day. You see, I know you can’t tell it but I LOVE to write (lol come on, laugh it’s a joke………….hahahahaha-thank you-Lol) and one day I wish I could be published.
SO, you name it. I would love to learn it. As a matter of fact, I could be one of the most interesting and versatile people on this site if I could get to some compromise with this Illnesss. But then, I suspect we all would be. You also have much you would love to learn and yeah, isn’t funny how the ceiling is always more interesting than whatever it is we would otherwise be doing???? BUT I have you to know I cried the other day and asked it to let me get up and go and it simply started back at me………..I assumed that was it’s way of saying no and so I stayed where I was. Lol I bet you didn’t know ceiling got lonely did you????? Hahahahahaha Or then, maybe you did????? We seem to learn such things when we feel this way!!!!!!! Lol
Yeah, we will keep trying……………….fighting a never ending battle but then we are all in this together after all. And I for one, am going to find it my pleasure to get to know everyone here!!!!! I have been off a few days and I may do that from time to time but I will be on here as much as I can be to help, to chat, to maybe make a joke or two, whatever is needed at the time and for that post!!!!!!!!!!
Good morning to you Salt…………..I say that because it is around 1:30am here………..or is it Friday???? Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!! TUESDAY!!!!!!!!1 Tuesday????? Yeah, I think so. Lol Well, anyway I will catch up with you again later OK my friend???? Talk to you soon and have a good day today…………and perhaps I need to make another post. But for all my writing I never really know what to write about on here????? Any ideas/suggestions???? I could start a party like Rocketman used to do. I miss him and Dawg……………….they were really cool and some of the popular SP users back in the day. Well, have a good one and I will be in touch with everyone soon!!!!!!!!! 🙂
You’re not an old newbie. I’ve seen many of your comments in the past. You’ve even commented on my posts in the past. I don’t know. Wherever you are, however you are doing, I hope that you find something that gives you strength when you don’t feel like you can pick yourself up again…and when you can’t, we can all pick each other up, you know?
Sorry, I wish I could say more. I am still trying to settle down. I think I am and then it hits me like a wave and I’m not sure which way is up. I regain my sense of direction after a while, but I just keep shaking. She is such a caring, kind, thoughtful person. I don’t want her to suffer either, and do my best each day to try and make it so all the hurt and pain in her heart might not touch her that day, that she might forget what it feels like just for a little while. I’d carry it all for her if I could. She is dear to me, so very dear to me.
Cope, yeah maybe you would not classify me in that way. And I did say I have made comments and even a post or two. But I have not really been involved much. At least, not near like I see everyone else doing both now and in the years I have been here!!!!! But yeah, it’s all good!!!!! 🙂
Our friend told me the other day she was surprised you reacted the way you did to what happened. But then, what can I say???? I was texting her phone around 12:30am to see if anyone would tell me what was going on. I was grateful when she did herself at 6:#0am the next morning. I got it when I woke up. And I did tell her to let you know if she hadn’t already. And that is when she told me she just let you know. I know Cope though, I feel the same……..I really do. But at the same time rational sets in and I cannot deny the fact that we cannot even help ourselves like we need to and yet try to take pain from others. It is a worthy goal to strive for and I know I do that myself with people. But I also have to come to terms with the fact people I love dearly will suffer and sometimes I cannot do anything about it.
And no, I cannot accept that any more than you can really. In fact, in the end I take a lot of it on myself. Both in the real world and online. I am one of those who would do anything to not see a person hurt and make them feel better if not but for a moment. If people are hurt I hurt. I am one where even if I accidently hurt a person I feel the pain. Literally going through that with a dear lady right now whom I see in passing every week. I did something to unintentionally hurt her I am afraid and I still feel the pain from whatever it was I did. And that she was hurt by something I did. And it has been well over a year now since this happened. So yeah, I know Cope I know.
One of the things that I thought that brought hope and keeps me going with our friend is even if she did succeed she would not be in anymore pain. She has told you about the accident I am sure and how much she has been through since………..think about it Cope no more of that for her. A few seconds……….maybe minutes at the most. And she could have been eternally at peace and free from this Hellish nightmare that we all have become too familiar with on here. Yes, you try and cheer her up………….so do I at times. (Fishy and I do a good job sometimes too. lol OK, sorry Cope inside joke she will get if she ever read this…………do me a favor -and yourself- don’t ask…….) But the only real guarentee is an end to all this. And I just kept trying to think about that while waiting. It felt like an eternity for me too Cope. That is why I sent that text to her even though it was so late. I couldn’t wait……..I had to do something. ANYTHING. And try to find some kind of answers. Good or bad I had to know.
Cope, your words mean a lot to me. I am just a simple middle class young adult girl from the South that like everyone else on here is simply trying to do whatever it takes to survive each day without it being my last one. And one thing we have in common is we have at least one mutual strength: our friend. And we can be her strength as well. She is going to need it now more than she ever has. I would say out of all of SP me and you get that privlage the most. I plan to make good use of it and I know you feel the same!!!!!!!! 🙂
We can pick each other up. Often, we are misunderstood by the world. We fight things every day that an average person cannot even begin to imagine. We need each other my friend. We need to know we are not alone. And that there is people who care and will be there for one another in these times that are the most dark. I think it can truly be said this is a community like no other.
Cope, try and rest easy my friend!!!!! I am sure she will text us when she arrives home. And if I happen to be first, I promise I will not miss a beat nor a word for word account in order to let you know ok???? It is scary. I know it shook me too. Especially when I happened to be the one she was talking to as she was deciding this the night before and she told me…………we have our times do we not my friend?????
Well, I am turning in I hope now. lol But I will keep you up to date and if she talks to you first I would hope you let me know something as well. Try to get some rest and we will talk again soon!!!!!!! Stay strong Cope for her if for no one else!!!!! 🙂
i hope she didn’t mean that she was surprised in a negative way. i don’t know why she would be surprised in any other way. i’ve told her how much she means to me and how much i care about her. i’ve told her that what i’ve said just isn’t words, that i really mean everything i’ve said. i don’t understand why she would think i wouldn’t care as every word and every effort i have made has been to show how much she matters, so i really hope she was surprised that i care so much.
i was ready to drop everything and drive to Ohio on Monday night when things didn’t sound good, but she assured me that she was okay on Tuesday morning. i still was uncertain, but she told me not to worry. she didn’t reply to anything i sent Tuesday night or Wednesday morning, and i had told another person i know from SP that i had such a horrible empty feeling. then i seen your post Wednesday afternoon and it made sense. then the world fell out from under me. i couldn’t think. i couldn’t breathe. i left her messages i didn’t know if she would ever read or hear. i thought about calling the police to do a wellness check, but needed to know immediately so i figured out her parent’s phone number and called that in hopes of finding out if she was okay. i needed to know that she was okay. that she was safe. i didn’t know until Thursday around noon whether she was even alive. i haven’t heard back from her since then. we texted back and forth for a while, but she had said she wouldn’t be able to talk after she was moved so i’m assuming it was because of that, but if she was surprised at how i reacted, maybe she didn’t want to talk to me anymore. how i reacted was all because i care for her so much. hopefully she knows that. i’m not just some guy who only talks to her because she is some pretty girl i met online. i genuinely care about her and how she is feeling and it rips my heart out that she was feeling so bad that she saw that as the only way.
it bothers me so much when people hurt, no one more so than her. i try to do everything i can to take every bad feeling away from her. i know i can’t though. just like how my comments to the many people here have probably not helped them in any real way, but i had hoped that maybe for a second i had given them a little hope when they thought they had none. when i was younger, i had wanted to be a doctor, but, looking back on that, i’m glad i’m not. i could not stand losing a patient. i would be devastated by every loss, thinking i could have done more. all week i’ve wondered whether i could have done more and blame myself for all i didn’t do.
please sleep well. i know you have already likely fallen asleep, but i hope that you have nice dreams. and i will stay strong for her. i save every little bit of strength she finds in me so i can give it all back to her.
the last phrase in the first paragraph should be “i really hope she WASN’T surprised that i care so much.”
“it’s all good”…it was so nice to read that phrase…it’s like she is here right now. i hope she isn’t miserable right now.
Sorry if i’m somewhat intruding in the ongoing conversation, but i just woke up and the first thing i read was this post (and all comments) “But at the same time rational sets in and I cannot deny the fact that we cannot even help ourselves like we need to and yet try to take pain from others. It is a worthy goal to strive for and I know I do that myself with people. But I also have to come to terms with the fact people I love dearly will suffer and sometimes I cannot do anything about it.”
I don’t know if it was the impact of just waking up or the fact that i messed up and used double the amount of coffee today, but those words made a big impact just now, so i have to thank you. Realizing from time to time that there’s still people who think like that is what keeps me from going into permanent full cynical mode.
Mf, of course I don’t know you so I don’t know why ut made such an impact but if it helped you I am SO glad it did!!!! That is why we are here on this site. To receive help and to help one another. You are quite welcome!!!!! I am a sensitive person and often take more on myself than what is needed but in the end my logical mind kicks in and though it is hard to accept, I have to come back to this truth. Sometimes, all the help and love in this world will not put an end to someone’s suffering.
And no, don’t ever think you are intruding Mf!!!! No one is intruding on my posts……..I welcome anyone who wishes to share!!!!!! Thank you for your reply!!!!! 🙂
Catfish
I don’t know why you would say such a thing. I don’t believe anyone here is being deceptive. I don’t particularly know Lost26 very well but she has been on the site a while and she knows me by way of someone I know very well, a person I care very much about that is in the hospital now. A person who very nearly died. In fact her father just called me back because of the phone messages I left the other day, though I was aware of most of what he just told me. Cephalus is newer here but seems like a kind and thoughtful person. I don’t know what you are getting at by making such remarks. If nothing else, it’s just a rather unkind insinuation.
Hey Cope, her father just called you back???? Did he say anything about how she was doing???? I text her Thursday night and she said they were transferring her to the Psych Ward that night. Has he talked to her???? Is she OK???? How long might they keep her???? Does he know what treatments they are trying???? I mean, she already has had ECT even……..not to mention countless meds…..I am am calmer now that she is alive but still I worry so much. I know you do too!!!!!!
Cope, I do appreciate your faith in me. No, we do not know each other and really we started our conversation because of the situation with our friend. But it is nice to know you believe me to be sincere. I am grateful for that more than you know. I am sincere and I only wish to help and be one of the community memebers here. That is all.
However, anyone who would question me, I welcome it. I understand not all is going to respond well. People are all different. Some may not believe me to be sincere and that I have some “hidden agenda” but then, I am not sure what it could be on a site like this. But perhaps some find it hard to believe, I know I have a lot of trust issues myself. And honestly, if I was in their shoes I would not trust me either. Simply because I cannot seem to believe people are worthy of trust a lot of times. And that comes from a lot of people who end up walking away. I am sure we all (or at least most of us….) know that feeling as well.
So, either way no harm done. I am confident in motives behind this that I have started. Sadly, that confidence doesn’t reach to other things but yeah, I know my intentions are nothing but honest and sincere. And who knows?? In time, maybe I can prove myself and show others who may question that I mean no one any harm. 🙂 But your kindness and faith in me is no less appreciated Cope. You will see, your belief in me is well founded.
So, Cope I will respond to your other message in a little while. I am going to try and eat something. Hard to do but then, I really need it. Ha, for what reason I have yet to understand. lol Anyway, good day to you Cope!!!!! Talk to you soon!!!!! 🙂
Hey Superman!!!!! How are you????? I hope you are well. Not too crazy about Catfish myself. I am not a seafood lover by any means!!!! And though I wonder why you wrote that it is all good with me. I have considered you meant it the way Cope obviously took it. I don’t know. I am not going to respond to what you said in defense not being sure why you wrote that. Even if you meant it like he took it, I would simply as of right now only ask you why you think that???? Until then, I wish you well my friend and I hope your day is going well. I just woke up. lol And try desperately to get something done???? Maybe???? lol Anyway, good day to you Superman and I look forward to seeing you around the site!!!!!!!! 🙂
Cephalus, hey, OK, thought my computer was acting up again………..Lol Yeah, haven’t been on much but well, not been well. It must be the beauty sleep I am missing out on. YEP, cures all ladies problems you know. Lol That and makeup, frilly dresses, etc. Lol Please, I don’t use any of it nor do I want to. lol It just sounds smart to say. Lol I got lost the same place we all do………in our heads which you insist all your important parts are here. Now, is that true?? You have your mind together what in this world are you doing on SP???? lol AND last time I checked, it was STILL important. I am sure though most of us would LOVE to throw it out a window or better yet, get a new one that works better!!!!!!! LOL Well, OK, can’t speak for anyone else but I know I would love that myself. 🙂
Glad the image is a positive one……..I try to be positive as much as I can. Bu you know that already. AND I got some good news from my friend you know that had tried to kill herself???? I am glad she is alive and out of the hospital. It will be SO nice to chat with her again as I missed it SO much!!!!!! We chatted almost every day. And I am sure you might know this if she posted or even Cope probably heralded the news to the ends of the earth. Ah but what the heck, she deserves it!!!!!!!! 🙂 But this is some good news in dark times.
The dots………not too sure. I think it is simply my way of pausing when I don’t want to stop the sentence with a period as I am not done with my thought. BUT I do want to show I paused or my thoughts are trailing off. Something like that anyway. Lol And no, not weird to think about. But then, I am SO analytical I think about everything and likely would have done the same thing if the shoe was on the other foot. lol So, I guess I am not one much to judge that one. 🙂 And part of it is my OCD I am sure as it has to be even number of dots. Grrrrr………(haha like my lion impression???? It was Grrrrrreat!!!!!!!! AND I AM NOT “LION” it really was!!!!!!!!!! Hahahaha) And Cephalus, think as long as you like, who am I to judge how long you mull something over???? You may need it for some of the things I could say. Head scratchers for sure!!!!!! Just be glad it isn’t an oral conversation or else you may not hear it either as sometimes I talk way too fast. AND I am around older people most of the time. SIGH………………..I think I need to get some new friends. Lol
Glad you like to cook. I am sure you make some great tasting food. I like some Spicy things but some I don’t. And what do you mean when you say “that’s why I am here??” “Here” where?? On this earth or on this site???? Do we really add so much “spice” to your life you simply cannot stay away much from us on SP???? Well, since I am the spokesman (right now anyway…..lol) I have to say we are honored. Lol At least, as honored as depressed and suicidal people can be that is. Lol But yeah, we must add something to each others lives on here anyway because we all come back for more do we not????? 🙂 But in cooking, is it laziness or are you depressed???? Come to think of it, maybe your not. I have yet to ask you what you are doing here. Lol So, what ARE you doing here????? I never feel too bad about asking such a question since mine is on display in my September post of last year. So no secrets here. 🙂
As for my height…………..I am 5 ft. 1 I think???????? Not too sure but something like that. Glad to know you are not superficial like that. 🙂 Too many are way too superficial now a days. And in general you seem like a pretty cool person. 🙂 Not too tall but I guess tall enough………..haha well, not for some things. Lol I have heard and will not say “I am one of the most down-to-earth people you will ever meet!!!!!!!!” Hahahahahahaha And THAT is the truth with my hand up if I had to die. And well, don’t ask me why I just quoted some Gospel Comedian but hey, it is the truth regardless. Lol And I may be wrong, but I think you can tell that by now can you not my friend????
Well, as usual I am up keeping the night time company and it is almost 2am. Lol But I have replied and perhaps one day I can figure out what to post about next!!!!!! Do you have any ideas for me yourself????? I told you I think, I could start a SP party like Rocketman did. 🙂 I think it was a pool party????? Not too sure. It was something like that though. Ha, miss that dude. Did oyu ever get the chance to be here when he was?????? Some great people have come and gone from this site and I am glad to have finally met some and continue to do so. If I can stay on long enough. Grrrrrrrrr……………………………who needs Mental Issues anyway?????? We should all beat crazy with a stick!!!!!!!!!! Bwahahahaha Come after them Illnesses and if we all sneak up on them and be really quiet………………..BAM!!!!!!!!!! Well, I hear it works in movies anyway. Lol
But I will close for now and give you a chance to answer back. I seriously need ot make a new post you know. Can you help a friend out here???? I am only the writer you know. Lol But goodnight to you and I hope you are resting and/or will be resting soon. I will get on to talk to you ASAP. Best of luck to you my friend!!!!!!!! Until later, Lost is getting LOST!!!!!! Hahahahaha 🙂
Mea Culpa. I was looking for this, I missed it! And well, then I took a bit of
a break… Life calls I suppose.
Happy to have found you left a venerable essay. I’m sorry to hear you have not
been well. Perhaps it is the lack of sleep. I’ve never been fond of makeup or
frilly dresses. I suppose, I just never liked how they, or high heels looked on
my figure. I’ll save being in drag for those who can pull it off. I’ve known to
many girls who think themselves ugly without makeup. Ignoring the fact that
many, including myself have found them ear blushing pretty without such
ornaments. I fear society has dealt many women a crushing blow to their
self-esteem with the constant belligerent of advertisements. Glad to hear, you
at least seem to see this silliness for what it is.
I fear my mind is very much intact. I suppose loneliness, loss of love bring me
here. Feeling I can speak my mind, about depression, without having the eyes of
judgment or pity placed upon me. Your mind, at least, in your words seems to be
in working order. If you do find yourself throwing it out the window, may I ask
a favor? Instead, place it in a jar and mail it to me? I think it could keep me
company on a cold lonely night.
Good to hear about your friend. Wondrous news. Not much worse in life than
suddenly losing a friend and never being able to talk to them.
n a friendly spirit of analysis and, what I took for a challenge. I analyzed
63 of your extended ellipses. My findings, much to the distaste of your OCD, 28
even counts, 35 odd. I have yet to conduct if those finding themselves odd,
were in-fact proceeded with an odd thought :D. Perhaps there is some hidden
method my mere counting failed to unravel? Please forgive my intrusion, take my
investment in this matter as intrigue, flattery. You did say to think as long
as I like… :). I do get the impression you would be hard to get a word in
edge wise.
I’m a fairly normal 5’11ish. So I guess my head is just slightly more in the
clouds than yours. You are quite comical, I laughed rather out loud at your
“down to earth comment”. But you really took the cake with beating crazy with a
stick. I can all but imagine sneaking up on them with you. Our spiked clubs at
the ready and ….. BAM! I see movies in your future. Or hrm, well, maybe better cartoons, better
creative license
Yeah, I conversed with rocketman. Rather fun spirit. A bit misunderstood at
times. I don’t think he’s gone for good… Maybe just wishful thinking.
Hrm, No ideas come to mind on which to write about. I myself have found it
harder than usual as late. Creativity being a fickle fairy.
I wouldn’t mind hearing a tale about your shenanigans, chasing people, illness
or whatever. Be it with a stick or your wit. Or really whatever is going on. I
quite enjoy reading your unique and special narrative.
-Your friend Cephalus
*sniffle*
*double sniffle*