I dropped out of grad school at the end of last year. I moved home and worked there on farms for a while until I could find more permanent work. I found a new job. I just started this week and I am hating life. Whenever I have a big transition in my life (like moving to a new area) I have a very difficult time. Work is always on my mind. When I’m at work, I feel like I’m not doing a good enough job. When I’m home, I think about how my bosses are disappointed in me even though there’s no reason to believe that. I don’t feel qualified for the work. I don’t enjoy any personal time. How do you even cope with responsibility? I crumble under the slightest pressure. I’ve had past jobs, I guess they’ve gotten a little better over time. I don’t know. I would much rather just be dead than have to put up with all the pressures of life. How do you do it? How does anyone do it?
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2 comments
Hrm, seems like a lot of what you described stems from insecurity. It’s probably just because it is a new job. You have to give it time, try hard and try to relax and be comfortable while there. If all else fails, as they say (though I hate the saying) Fake it till you make it.
Hang in there.
Life is easy.. Living, now that is hard. It can be a tragedy, living; but the tragedy of life is not death, but what we let die inside of us while we live.
I was raised eccentrically and on a farm, when I was younger I was told to Live the full life of the mind, exhilarated by new ideas, intoxicated by the romance of the unusual.
I deal with those pressures by the realization that they don’t exist.