“We’re just suicidal kids telling other suicidal kids that suicide isn’t the answer”
Honestly, I try to be so supportive to everyone. I try to be someone helpful. I try to understand the misunderstood. I try to be a really good friend. I try to be everything except myself. Every time I forget to put my needs before everyone else’s. I forget to be myself because I’m so busy filling in all the other roles.
I try to support every belief. In a way, if you are a Muslim and you are a great friend I won’t care what your religion is because at the end of the day the person I need is you (if that makes sense).
I try to always be there for you. I will listen patiently to your problems.
I try to understand every single person that is misunderstood. You’re gay? That’s cool. I love gay people. Transgender? How should I call you? You’re weird? So am I! Depressed? I’ll be right next to you in your journey.
I try to be the best person I can be when it comes to friends. All my friends come to me for advice. Whenever they have a problem they talk about it with me.
Myself? That’s a role I can’t fill. No matter how much I try I always put someone else’s needs before my own.
I know what you guys will say; to fill in the only role that actually matters; my own, but I can’t. My happiness is something that I lost long ago and it’s super hard to win it back. It is easier for me to make someone else happy than make myself happy.
If you ever need a person that will listen you can talk to me. I may not know what it’s like to be in your shoes but I promise I will try to understand and although I’ve lived a short life, I know a lot of things. You can contact me at jerickleensantiago@gmail.com
9 comments
You sound like an amazing person and someday hopefully you will see it too! Someone worth everything you do for everyone else!
You sound like an amazing person and someday hopefully you will see it too! Someone worthy of everything you do for everyone else!
<3
What is your role, and who gave it to you? Personally, I think I’m a stage-prop. Like, a palm tree or something. You do sound like a good person, like you care a lot about integrity. Maybe right now, you feel like your role is to see yourself in other people, in the hopes of finding one who will do the same for you. Problem is, it has to be give-and-take, never 100% them or 100% you, rather a nice neutral balance, or the whole thing spins out of control. You have to learn who you are before you can know what your role truly is. Personally, I think you get to decide what role you want to play, and you can even choose to make it up as you go. In which case, being a palm tree sucks, so I’ll be a pecan instead. That way, it makes sense when people say I’m a nut.
you are a kind amazing person. I hopes you will get happiness too someday and be able to be yourself.
It sounds like you get some kind of positive effect from helping others. And that is a good thing. The world needs more caring people like you. The only problem is when you give so much that you end up exhausted and resentful toward the people you are helping. I’ve seen Nice People do that. I do it a lot. Do you help people who don’t ask for help? Do you ever say ‘no’ to people? I say ‘no’ to people’s requests now and people sometimes get upset. Oh well. There are other people on this planet that can provide for their want or need. Often people request’s are merely wants anyway. If they don’t get it, it’s not going to kill them.
You said you “lost your happiness…,” So what is it that made you happy? Do you still do any of those things? If they don’t make you happy any longer, have you searched for other activities that might bring you positive emotions?
When you have a want or need, do you DIRECTLY (but politely) ask people to meet that want or need? I know for myself, I have a hard time with that. I either expect people to read my mind or I feel too ashamed to ask for anything for myself. Then I either don’t ask or ask in some passive-aggressive indirect way that leaves people guessing about what I really want or need. Often the end result is me not really getting what I want or need. And, I end up experiencing even more negative emotions than I had before. Not good.
I always try to help the ones that don’t ask for help. I can’t say no to people. I’m that weak.
What used to make me happy were pretty silly but I enjoyed being in the school choir. I loved it and it was so much fun. I enjoyed hanging out with friends/ going out; being social; just being me. I don’t do any of those things anymore. I mean I’m still in choir I rarely hang out with my friends but I have blast when I’m with them. I just don’t have the energy to go out or actually I don’t see a point in going out. I don’t wanna search for anything else. I mean I have things I like, like for example, I enjoy reading a good book sometimes; I love arts, any type pretty much.
I don’t ask for anything. I don’t like asking for things. I don’t want to be that person that gets everything from someone else. I want people to give it to me from the bottom of their hearts (if they have a heart)
School choir is good. Singing is a wonderful thing! Who are some of your favorite singers? It sounds like you have fun hanging with your choir friends. Why not try to get back to doing that a little bit. It might energize you a bit.
Books and art are cool too. Do you draw or paint?
“I don’t want to be that person that gets EVERYTHING from someone else.” Hmmm. Asking for one small favor is not asking much. People seem to be okay with asking you for help (or even just dumping their problems on you). We ALL need help at times. Do an experiment this week. Ask a friend for a favor. Like a ride to school. And then report here what happens.
“I want people to give it to me from the bottom of their hearts (if they have a heart).” Earlier I said I had a problem with sometimes thinking people should know what I want or need, almost as if they can read my mind. Well, they can’t. Sometimes people surprise me with an unexpected message or gift. It is rare though. More often, when I want or need something, I simply have to ask for it. Nothing wrong with that. The hidden meaning in your last statement seems to say, “I want people to give the way I GIVE TO THEM.” Am I close? So when you give to people who don’t ask for help, do you secretly keep score? If so, then its easy to end up feeling resentful and exhausted. In your own mind, you might be saying “Look at everything I did for them, now I need help and they’re nowhere to be found.” If that happens, it might mean you’re helping people who are not deserving of your help. I know that sounds cold but I’ve experienced it in my own life.
Hanging with my friends….hmm some have jobs and others have other activities to attend to.
I like arts but I can’t really make any type of art. I consider music, paintings, drawings, sculptures, writing, among others, arts. I wish I could draw. I mean I try but it doesn’t come out good. Painting is even worse. I’m good at writing tho. One time, for school, I wrote a poem and got published in some poem book. That was in like the 7th grade tho.
About small favors, yeah I ask for small favors sometimes. I mean I ask ‘Can you come with me?’ or ‘Can you help me? I don’t get it’. Things like that. I don’t keep score. I’m not trying to get anything in return. I just wanna help but I gotta say, there are times but I get irritable and get kinda mad that they come to me for help. I mean I help everyone but I get so tired sometimes of helping with their problems like it’s such an easy problem and they can’t even solve it. I mean I got my own problems too. I don’t wanna sound mean but who doesn’t get tired.