Let me start off by saying that I am only 16 years old and currently in the 11th grade. I have been going through severe depression for about a few years now and everyday is a struggle for me. When I open my eyes the next morning knowing that I have to get up and start another day of this pointless life that I live. I have been going to the same school for eight years and as the years passed by and we all got older I still ended up having no friends and only having acquaintances and being used all the time for things. The only time people remember me is when they need something, at lunch and nutrition I would sit at this table with my so called “friends” that don’t even care about me or actually have my back. I can be standing there with them for hours and they wouldn’t say a word to me, they would just end up ignoring me like I am dead and don’t even exist anymore. If I were to be sitting down and using my phone I would look up and they would leave me and go and get something to eat and not even ask or tell me if I want to come. Not only that but they also end up fucking around with me and every time they would just tell me that they are “joking” but it’s constant. My depression has been so bad that I can’t even focus or pay attention in school anymore, and because of that I’m doing terrible in school and my grades aren’t the best. Not only am I going through depression but I also suffer from social anxiety. This loneliness is literally killing me and when I’m around people I still feel alone because I know deep down inside they aren’t my real friends they are all fake. I hate everyone and everything and that school irritates me there is no reason to leave anymore because I only have a year left so it would be to late to leave. I’ve honestly lost all hope in this world and I don’t know even know what to do anymore, this lonliness caused me to become depressed and depression leads to suicide. I literally think about suicide nearly everyday but I’m to much of a ***** to actually do it. I just can’t take it anymore society doesn’t want me. My Mom yells at me everyday and tells me how I am a worthless bum and how my other siblings are better than me and how much of a failure I really am. My Dad on the other hand works 24/7 so I never really see him but he deep down inside cares about me but never actually has the time to talk to me about my problems as my Mom doesn’t really understand what I have been going through. I just want to take enough sleeping pills so I can never wake up again, I’m just so tired of everyone and everything knowing that nobody likes me. I’ve lost interest in nearly everything possible that I used to enjoy when I come home from school I go into my room and go to sleep for the rest of the day or on the other hand thinking stressfully. I’m just done and I can’t take it any longer I’m honestly tired and don’t even know if there’s a point in life anymore as I already fucked up in high school and I’m alone with nobody to have my back. I don’t want to live and I don’t want to breath.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
4 comments
I’m in the same place. Just focus on the things you like doing (apart from cutting or anything like that) and do it as much as you can. I also recommend that you focus on the things that make you happy, like your family and spend more time with them. 🙂 and keep smiling. No faking, it will soon get better for you. Just look on the brighter side xx
If you are up to reading a very lengthy book, I would very much recommend Ayn Rand’s “The Fountainhead” because it has literally just saved my life. I am 21 and I could not see myself reading it at your age, but I see that the hidden element behind your problems is that you feel worthless, but because people view you as worthless. Do some research on the concepts of egoism versus egotism, and I hope you come to realize that you need to develop independent self-worth, instead of dependent self-worth. The thing that scared me when I started reading this novel was that the main character portrays the necessity of diligence, of going through pain, being honest, to yourself and everyone, no matter the pain that follows, because the alternative, which is to seek instant gratification, because you are valuing yourself based on another’s opinion of you, is not going to lead you to lasting happiness. I have dragged myself down so far, noticing my increasing delusions, and if it were not for this book, that I luckily decided to pick for my class book report final, I would probably be tormenting myself still, if not dead. If you do start the book, do not put it down; there were many assumptions Ayn Rand tricks you into, but Ayn Rand is telling you why many of those assumptions are delusional. It is not just what you say, but how you say it that is of equal importance; you must strive to be competent, but you must be able to base your self-worth other than through the opinions of others. But look to others as an example and a tool to rationalize your own choices. Nietzsche says no one is capable of saving others, but Ayn Rand has saved me, and I will not become complacent, lest I return to the hell that will await me.
One example of a person who shows dependent self-worth is Whiz Khalifa. He is the Gail Wynand in “The Fountainhead,” the man who has delusional pride instead of virtuous pride. He should not listen to me to find his own value, but because he has surrounded himself by the opinions of others, as apparent in his songs, he can only focus on what people like me have to say. It consumes his life because he is still lustful, envious, even at the top of where material wealth can be.
i can understand your suffering. i am sorry for your suffering. I don’t have any advice for you. i hope you gets what you wants