I am so upset at a friend. I am upset with me more. I am estranged from another friend. We’ve had a long time conflict and she does not listen to me. I finally have cut ties- almost formally. I mean, we talked and she said one thing- no I won’t talk about it. Okay. I can’t accept it but what can I do? Nothing.
THIS is what my depression is. I am estranged from my mother and father. I live far away from everyone. I am tired. I want to GO! BUT…
But I don’t want to die feeling this. I don’t want my last feeling to be sad, depressed loneliness. If I were to die, I’d have NO chance to ever change it. So, I go on.
Another thing about this- I have to accept the situations. I did not cause the problems COMPLETELY. But I feel like it is all my fault. I can’t control others. I know that. But it hurts to have people I can’t reach. I want to scream, I won’t do this! I won’t…
But I do. Going on to go on…
2 comments
I agree with you that most conflict is practically never one-sided. Usually both sides have to accept responsibility for their words and actions. I understand that when you are depressed it feels like it’s all your fault.
I’m glad to hear that you want to go on and make things better. What changes are you going to make in yourself to improve your relationships with others? Because in order to get different results, you first must make a change in how you go about handling situations that may arise in the future.
Try to live around people who you want to live around, that might make life easier and bearable.