As I type this, I’m sitting on a beach completely alone. I have no one, in the very end I’m alone. Friends are hanging out, couples are walking the beach holding hands, how did I end up like this? What is wrong with me that I have no one? I can’t be that unlikable i hope. Is god punishing me or something?. I met a girl, long distance though, though she really don’t like me for who I am, just for what I am. Can I not find any one real? Everyone is so fucking fake. Well I better get used to it, this is my life now. Empty and sorrowful. I know no one on here gives a shit about my life, I’m just another sad stranger on here. But at least someone will have an idea of what I go through day by day. I’m sorry god, I tried, you gave me the tools and I failed. I don’t know if your real or not, but I failed nonetheless. And I can’t fix it, I never could figure out how to have a happy life.
How can I be strong when my mind works against me, I thought it would be easy to fight this, but it’s turning out to be incredibly hard. I will still fight because I believe there is still hope for my life, and that I will find it no matter how much suffering and blood it takes. I will claw my way out of this severe depression. And see the light of day once more.
Nope there’s no hope for me. That’s pretty apparent. I want to die.
11 comments
You are not alone. Alone, is a singularity. Can you pray for me, just for truly in your soul for only today or night, or for the next. Can you dream-it for me and carry to safety the ignite. Like it all comes-down to. Special-league, what is spiritual. When there’s not anyone. The church, in the background. I will never touch…. this cosmic-star. But through the water.
By the apple, carry-me to, by the lotus.
Carry-me on to, by the Lotus.
Your comments always cheer me up Bisban.
Yea… but sadly I’m only becoming my soul of the underground. I guess I was the only that didn’t accept my fate, the reason if I ever harmed anybody. I can’t ask for help from anyone of you, unless it’s only through the net of space; in other words, none of you will ever see me. So, it’s better if we try to get this over with, shall we? Somehow.. we can. I need someone if they may, in diligence to make a simple but precise phone-call when the time comes, as my friend. We need to rendez-vous in a ******-room or something… but why bother helping my ass, uh? ..
Ok.
I’l’l just shut-up actually. =B
ma bad
Hey Ni, your description of the beach reminded me of an old song “Me By the Sea” by Edie Brickell. I listened to it a million times when I was living on the coast in total solitude losing my mind. There’s something about the ocean that amplifies emotions, doesn’t it?
I don’t think you did anything wrong, and I don’t think you’re being punished. Life just sorta doesn’t go well sometimes. Other times it flat out sucks. And once in a while it’s pretty cool. Hang in there and live for the “pretty cool” moments, however rare they are.
Your original plan of fighting & clawing your way out sounds pretty good to me. Let’s do it man.
And you too salt. Let’s get the hell out of this hole.
I’m with ya. Today at least. Funny, just that sentence “Let’s get the hell out of this hole” gave me enough juice to fight another day. Thanks bro!