I’m not sure where I am within my own mind.
There are the empty days where everything washes over me, I don’t feel particularly happy or particularly sad just ‘there’. The okay days where I feel active n life. And then there are bad days where I find myself dwelling in things long ago past, where I end up on websites such as these or thinking about how I would go about doing it.
All hypothetical of course. I think about methods ‘hypothetical’. Telling myself that I’d never have the courage to do it.
But, recently I wrote my ‘hypothetical’ notes to the people I love. Does that still make it hypothetical?
Does getting on a chair, tie a scarf round my neck and suspend it – just for a second- to feel the sensation still make it hypothetical?