I’m so tired of pretending to be someone I’m not. Everyone thinks im “The life of the party” and that im bubbly and happy. But i hate going out, i don’t like being around people, I’d be perfectly okay with being left alone to lay in bed, go to sleep and never wake up again. I’ve had my ups and downs, but i can’t pick myself up. It’s getting hard to fake the smile and I think my friends are starting to notice, I don’t want them to notice that I’m unhappy, I don’t want them to think that they have to help. I’m not worth the time, and I don’t think that they could help me anyways. I don’t have the energy to do anything anymore. I want to kill myself, but i can’t even get out of bed. My boyfriend keeps saying “We’ll get through this.” I have no idea what he means by “we.” I mean, I know he loves me and wants to be with me, he;s told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but i dont know if i’ll be here 3 years from now, how could I promise him a lifetime, when i don’t want to live mine? He’s flawless and his parents are happy together and he’s going somewhere in life, he could go to some great engineering school if he wanted to. He’s so happy. I dont deserve him. He doesn’t deserve someone thats too lazy to even take her own life. I guess it means something that the’s trying to help, But I can’t get trhough this, anf he has nothing to get through. I’m so selfish. I will never get through this.