I’m not sure what I want. I not sure weather I want to kill myself or just die. It’s 2015 and I’ve been facing depression for over four straight years now. When I tell my parents I’m depressed they just think it’s a temporary thing. When I tell my “friends” they think I’m a attention seeking whore and don’t believe me cause I’m always “smiling”. I’m only 16 and I’ve never had a girlfriend and I always feel alone. Which causes me to think that no ones cares about me and that’s the reason I’m lonely. I believe that I can be cured by finding happyniess, by this case finding someone I can just share a part of my life with, someone I can love, Simone that can love me back.
But the sad part is that the nice guy always gets hurt and that nice guys aren’t ment to ever be happy. I’ve tried suicide a few times by different methods but in too much of a coward to do it, so the only thing keeping me alive is the required age to buy a gun. I don’t know if any of you believe in prayer but I ask and ask for happiness but never get it. I heard someone post here that we are ment to suffer for a reason, but why? Is it something I’ve done? And for how long? It’s been years that I felt this way. Hell I even prayed a few times that I died that day.
Sometimes I look back and think of all the times I could’ve died and cried because I didn’t. Why the fuck am I still alive? Why can’t I get a girlfriend? I guess this is my punishment to live a long as a human being can…
Why are you doing this to me lord?
5 comments
You’re caught up in the medias brain washing that a relationship will solve your problems, more of ten than not its just a temporary high. Relationships aren’t too hard to get into, fake confidence to the fullest extent, don’t be too picky, and you’ll be happy for a few months or so in a relationship.
youre 16! you’re entitled to think of suicide if like 20 years go by and things are still the same. youre young. you know why its legal to drink at age 21?? because by that age a person is conscious of what they do. before that age you aren’t. so hang in there
Thanks I guess
Possibly the worst aspect of being a teenager is that different parts of your brain are developing at different rates. One part of me was 100% sure of himself at 16, I was happy. Kinda. But then, I wake up one day and nothing makes sense and suddenly all that I was happy about was pointless.
I’m afraid there’s a classic cliché here: time is on your side and it’s the best healer. You’ll find someone in due course (patience my Padawan!). You’ll end up having some amazing experiences and you’ll look back years later and rethink “at the time…some were great, some were crap, but they make me who I am”. Whether that’s enough to satisfy…well, tell me at 21 🙂
Sorry for the late reply but thank you this, it really means a lot, rereading now when I need it the most 🙂