The pit

I live a life of missing others. Whether it is due to death or just the fact that my best friends live 700 miles away, every morning when i wake up I have a long list of those I miss. When I miss someone so much it causes a sort of “pit” in my stomach that makes me not want to be here anymore. It sounds ridiculous- i know. The fact that just missing someone can cause such emotion and thought, but I believe it is more than that. The emotion of missing someone can be overwhelming. I dont just miss people, but also who i used to be. The happy, smily, cheery person i once was. I miss a lot of things- but I miss my best friend the most. We see eachother about 3 times a year on average for about 4 days at a time. She is pretty much the only thing keeping me going at this point and sometimes i wanna give up because she isnt here. I know it sounds ridiculous again. I should be happy to have some who understands at all and maybe sometimes i take it for granted but ive never appreciated something more in my life then the amount i appreciate her. she deals with my shit 24/7 and theres nothing i could or say to show how much i thank her for everything shes ever done. She will never see this, but she knows how much I love her. The “pit” overcomes everything inside me and is hard to escape- I hope one day ill never have that feeling ever again. Thank you to those you read till the end.