tired of feeling lost, tired of letting go..

Man can life be depressing or what? Sometimes I sit here and wonder how the fuck I managed to let myself live this long. I honestly don’t know why I continue moving forward when there is nothing better in store for my future. I feel like I’m on auto pilot or something because I just keep going. I don’t wanna say I’m numb because I do feel things. It’s just when I get disappointed or sad I instantly shake it off and I feel like it’s irrelevant. I haven’t gone out because I was trying to finish paying tuition which I haven’t been able to do. Because I don’t go out I stay home all the time in my room alone and I’ve let myself go. I’m not trying to be healthy or clean I literally lay there doing irrelevant shit. I failed a class this past semester because I was consumed in this nothingness and that mistake cost me $1300. I literally have no money I am in debt and it is the worst feeling ever. I barely make it by most of my money goes to gas, food, and bills that’s pretty much it. Despite that I’m drowning in it and I can’t wait for it to be over but it seems like that will take a long time.