im confused !!! HELP!!!

i have cut for along time but my boyfriend is starting to get on me about why? how come i wanna die? i know that i feel fat nasty gross annoying! i feel like im always in the way! life is kicking me in the butt!! i grew up at a young age and i had to always be strong but now i dont sleep at night!! i feel alone all the time! but i dont wanna talk to people about my issues because i feel that they are stupid and i shouldnt be freaking about them! i dont know how to feel! can i get answers here! im so done!