It’s Not Temporary

Do you ever hear people say, “It’s okay. It’ll all get better.” Or “It’s only temporary.” And “Stay Strong.”

I’ve heard those phrases so many times in my life, it never really motivates me at all to keep going. Honestly, I feel like people only say that, just because they don’t have anything else to say that’ll actually make a difference. I’m glad I’ve found this website because, writing how I feel is far better than telling a “friend” how I feel. I’m about to be a Junior in high school and sometime during my Sophmore year, I texted a friend that I’ve known for 4 years, that I wanted to start cutting myself again. Big mistake. You’d think that you’d be pretty good friends with someone after 4 years but, it wasn’t the case. Instead of helping me, and talking me through on why I shouldn’t do that, she threatened our friendship. I would have prefered that “It’s only temporary” nonsense. But she told me,

“If I find out your doing that, I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”

Well fuck, sorry my life is too sad to compliment your perfectly structured one.

People think that cutting yourself means you have to do it on your arm, but really, that’s the most common. People check arms, not legs or stomach. I never really thought someone like her would say that to me. But she did. She wasn’t as good a friend I thought she was but, this world is so messed up, you start to expect the worst. Before I told her, we have this group of friends we hang out with. It had like 8+ people. And barely second semester of my Sophmore year. I stopped talking to all of them. They just weren’t worth it. They didn’t want me, and I didn’t want to be there. I guess they just made it easier to consider suicide as a choice.  And it wasn’t just from this one friend, it was another experience that I’ll save for another time. Perhaps tomorrow?