Reconnected to an Unwelcomed Friend

It’s back. In all honesty it’s never been truly gone. Always peeking through the windows, shoving a hand through the door to wave hi while I try to hold the door closed. Sometimes it might come in for a bit but I’ve always been able to kick it out and closeclose the door before it brings its really unwanted friend. Wherever depression is, it’s only a matter of time before the blackhole comes. This time I haven’t been able to kick the depression away. I thought depression was closed out but now realize it’s been in my presence for the last 3 months and I’ve just been in denial. I’ve kept myself distracted with my phone, television, or sleep. Anything that takes me away from thinking or acknowledging how much I really hate living. Then today with depression already infecting my brain and stress enhancing it, a call to blackhole was made and it broke my door down. I’ve dropped into the blackhole many many times in the last 20 years. The last 5 years I’be hardly even seen the blackhole. However, this last 6 months it has happened more than the last 5 years combined, and unfortunately, each time is worse than before and the reasons not to just let go of the rope that keeps me from falling into the black abyss are becoming fewer and fewer, and to be honest, I’m becoming way too tired to fight to hang on.

I’m not ready to go into details and bore people with my insignificant problems. I just needed a place to share how I feel right now. I wanted a place to express the despair I feel and how exhausted I am of battling with depression. I’m new here but appreciate the outlet to share with others who understand and without burdening friends or family.  Sad I have reconnected with an old user name I shed 8 years ago and scared where it will take me this time.

Keep fighting the darkness my fellow sufferers and try to focus on the light, however dim it may be!!

SullenlySweet a.k.a. Sully