Right now I’m 16 and turning 17 on March. So the plan is to me nice to as many people as I can possibly be and then kill myself. Why? because I’m afraid of being judged both religious wise and Hunan wise.
None of you now my backstory. So just recently I’ve found out my whole life as been a lie. My dad divorced my mother before I was even born, because of me. Also my whole family (excluding my mother) wanted me dead, again before I was even born. And the worst part it that they pertain to care about me.
So I was unloved even before I was even born.. Fuck me, right? After that I’ve became a moma’s boy and to much of a “goodie goodie”. And that got me bullied, from pre-K to 8th grade year. And throughout all of those years I’ve been kind and respectful to everyone I’ve ever met.
Why do bad things happen to good people?
Now it’s high school and it’s gotten much worse. Freshman year I found out no girl liked me. So that made me lonely, unloved just like my childhood. And 10th grade year I felt I was a burden to friends and started cutting due to my loneliness. I’ve also had my first ever seizure and I’ve felt dead which made me cry tears of joy… Which woke me up 🙁
Now 11th grade is about to start and my goal is to not make to my birthday. The day in which I hate the most. Wish me luck.
Maybe my life could change in that time framed?
Fuck no it won’t.
Note to my family
– I want my organs to be donated to save lives and it wasn’t your fault.
12 comments
“Experience today, embrace yesterday, and live for tomorrow.”
This was a quote I saved in record from a couple of days ago. I caught the tail-wind of part of a music festival my town was hosting. It’s overwrought with positivity, but there can be some sort of truth in it. I remember myself planning these dates in which I would off myself many many times, but things do change. And I noticed you questioned if it could get better, before declaring it wouldn’t. To me that shows your mind still believes in that possibility. All I can suggest would be for you to wait and see, I suppose.
And die anyway
Some part of me believes it can all change, but life has always providen me wrong.
I can relate to your problems. I am 19 and I live in hell. I am autistic. Can’t talk to people. Life is really hard because my parents are really poor and they don’t care about me. wanna make money but I need to have the ability to talk to people to do that. I have thought about my problems for years but I find no solution.. I used to think like you too.. like why does bad things happen to good people? well bro, there no such thing as good or bad. It’s all in our heads… just because I do things that are called ‘good’ by humans doesn’t mean that I am a god and nature’s laws don’t apply to me.. I can be the nicest kid out there but it won’t matter, unless I have $$$$, I AM gonna starve to death. No one will care. power is everything. Good things happen to powerful people and bad things happen to powerless ones. like you and me.. and currently the power is called ‘money’ by humans..
the only point in living is in happiness.. and if you can’t be happy it is very normal to think of suicide..
If you are not autistic like me then you can turn you life around easily. Graduate. maybe even add a phd. Get a high paying job. Get yourself a girl. Have fun. Eat. Dance. Enjoy life.
hey buddy, if it’s a girl you are looking for then you have to have realistic expectations.. if you are an unpopular dude with an average looking body then forget about banging those ridiculously hot 9/10 girls unless you have $$$$$…. alright? There are billions of women out there and at least someone will want to be with you.. keep looking and if she rejects you just find another one.. she may not be the best looking girl out there but you have to be happy with that.. blame mother nature for making “the alpha male scores the hot chicks” rule..
if you find my post offensive I didn’t mean it I was just stating the truth..
No I didn’t find it offensive. And your right I blame mother nature.
” I want my organs to be donated to save lives and it wasn’t your fault.”
To that, I offer you this quote I came across a while back: “People pontificate, “Suicide is selfishness.” Career churchmen like Pater go a step further and call in a cowardly assault on the living. Oafs argue this specious line for varying reason: to evade fingers of blame, to impress one’s audience with one’s mental fiber, to vent anger, or just because one lacks the necessary suffering to sympathize. Cowardice is nothing to do with it – suicide takes considerable courage. Japanese have the right idea. No, what’s selfish is to demand another to endure an intolerable existence, just to spare families, friends, and enemies a bit of soul-searching.” –David Mitchell, “Cloud Atlas”
Well said and agreed.
Yeah you sound like me at 17. Boy wait till your 31
How come?
Well, I can suggest that you hang on and endure but you may be beyond that point. Society is broken (maybe it was never not broken?) with sex, money, material things, etc. It’s a tough break knowing that you weren’t wanted…
I know what it is like being lonely and so incredibly alone. I’m still alone in my thoughts… I simply cannot connect with people to which I blame my youth (refer profile).
We all die in the end and of what importance is it to live a “fulfilling life”? What is a fulfilling life by the way?
I am 34 now… I will make a suggestion for you to wait a few years, if you can bare of course. I’m sorry to say that you are at an awkward age and just coming into your own. School is just a powder keg of cliques and superficiality… I don’t doubt it’s tough. The cliques and superficiality won’t necessarily change later in life BUT… it will give you a chance to perhaps see things differently. People do act differently once the burden of school and such is through.
I don’t know if you can last. And yes, I know that we all die in the end so really importance of life is kinda irrelevant. That said, see if he can tough things out for a little longer. Never ever would I ever want to go through my teenage years again. No thanks.
I wish you nothing but peace regardless of your path.
kid,am 25year old from India.Religions are fake.Next up,You need to find a girl friend.That’s the thing you desperately want it.