I’m a 23 year old guy. Finished My Uni degree last year. The last year of uni was rough to say the least. Went through a lot of cutting and now my left arm is a ruined mess, scars so big and ugly that there is no hope in hell of ever wearing short sleeves again.
I felt so defeated by the time I completed my degree that I didn’t go to my graduation ceremony and I only picked up my certificate 5 months later. I haven’t gotten any jobs since then, been unemployed for a whole year. My family ridicules and demeans me at every opportunity they get.
I’m in a hole with no hope of getting out. I’ve felt all my knowledge leave me over the course of the year and now I feel like a husk. I’m unemployable to say the least. I said I was going to kill myself but I didn’t, I wanted to tell you what it is like being on the verge of suicide and choosing to stay around for a while longer.
It is a continuation of hell. It only gets worse with each iteration. I know I desperately need someones help but I have no one to ask and everyone I once knew looks at me with pity and disgust in their eyes. I’m a grown man and I feel like I’m about to break down in tears everyday. Usually though I’m too numb to leave my room.
I feel like I’m the biggest loser in my whole country. I hope you fair better in life than me, thanks for reading 🙂
6 comments
I’m 29. I still haven’t gotten any jobs. I don’t even think there was a graduation ceremony. Everyone lied to me and my head hurts too much to make sense of it all anymore.
Lsari,
There is no easy way to say this, WAKE UP! TAKE YOUR DAMM CERTIFICATE AND GO GET A JOB! it’s either you start thinking positive and move on or stay in that dark place your at, roll up your sleves well it in your shoes roll them down 🙂 Stop doing that shit WHY? Because it’s not positive! Think positive be positive and things will improve, your the only one that can make that happen, just do it! I know it’s hell i’ve been there myself but that’s what i did, and no i’m not some big success story and my life isn’t perfect but it’s alot better than it was, everyone suffers on this planet, that’s part of the deal, it’s your job to help yourself so you don’t suffer as much.
I get tattoos to cover up my scars, or at least take the focus away from them. Start with a doctor. A regular doctor can help you decide what to do. I need to do the same thing, but I am also so unmotivated I barely leave my room,
Get some ink. No one will notice. It’s kinda expected of your generation.
“I feel like I’m the biggest loser in my whole country.” There’s gotta be a UK equivalent of Donald Trump. You are better!
Don’t worry about a job right now. Let’s concentrate on a much smaller step. I don’t know how UK public health works… you need to talk to a councilor/social worker. What do you have to do to make that happen?
Nothing wrong with being a grown man/woman/trans/neuter and crying. I’m afraid you have been infected with a condition known as being human. You may only live to be 75 and crying will happen from time to time. Also expect laughing fits, children, love, burnt green beans, split pants, and hot sex with wombats.
Oh sorry, some of my life script got mixed in there.
And hurrah for graduating! That is huge. Many wash out. You survived.
nice post
You’re not alone there-we’ve all had to run through that gauntlet. Life is a big struggle…at least you’re young. I’m in my 40s and I’m not established-just doing a low level office job to make ends meet and I’m a university grad also.
At least you got your education-we all forget the stuff we learned, most of it isn’t important. What you need to know, you’ll learn on the job. As for the arm scars, perhaps look into skin grafts or ink as others have said.
Frankly if I could get 20 years back, I’d gladly take it…I’ve got nothing to look forward to except old age-as if my life wasn’t bad enough already. I’m trying to give it a shot to change my quality of life but I’ve lost my drive and motivation-that I had when I was younger. Now it all seems pointless and death seems like a simpler solution.