i hate to bring this up again and I apologize, I am very sorry… but that sorry excuse for a ‘human’ who abused you deserves to die; a slow painful death… a very slow, painful death. He needs to feel the pain he is putting you through…
I know I’m always going to be poor, unless I win lotto, but I never really win anyway. Not big amounts. Sure, money will never fulfill me, just as life itself will never fulfill me.Might help me tie up some loose ends though hmmm
I’ll just say, you might as well try and start this process early. Save up and do what it is you want to do. Of course, money and no money is the only thing that keeps us from having no food and living in parks (easy for me to say as I live with my parents, though I have a tiny little income that I make) – it’s very very easy to get carried away. But, the longer this takes, the more you will deteriorate mentally. I kinda feel theres no going back after that. It’s a very very painful… it never ends.
Despite the pain, you must try to stay focused on what you want to do, and if it requires money try and save up the money from your job and then do what that is. This might save a bit of emotional/mental pain in the long run, I don’t know how much pain it would save, but even if its only a little bit, it is still a step forward…
I plan. I have planned. Zero way to execute any of my plans VIABLY (except to suicide and I am not doing that).
Look, i fucking hate money, but the extra freedom it gives you and that you may help you to achieve your dreams is a great thing. I really really hate the damn stuff… but that aside, if this can help even a bit… its a good thing… A really good thing. It’s best not to be stuck in a mental jail deteriorating so quickly. Maybe it can be prolonged for a while… But, must stay focused
Most works nowadays are underpaid crap, but teaching doesn’t sound so bad, and you said it yourself: better to be depressed while doing something than to be depressed because you’re doing nothing (physical pain doesn’t help either, but as long as you can take it i guess it’s fine). That said i’m just doing a quick check on sp before going to classes (yeah… on a saturday, damn my schedule, damn it to hell) so no time for references, but i do wish that i was a blonde teacher on an all girls school. Most likely i’d wear white suits and try to keep my past about being a gang member hidden. At some point i might even wreck the principal’s car, and all he’ll be able to do is scream WATASHIWA…. KURESTA!!! while being in tears. After that, i’ll have to run to get the bus now, lol. Hope that you have a nice day too.
The amazing power of teachers is that they can either create or destroy a life. That’s why they call parents our first teachers.
Sorry, that might be rather depressing, but when you teach you change lives. You have a special power that is often overlooked. Minus the bad ones, I’ve had teachers who’ve really helped me. I bet you’re a wonderful teacher.
It is helpful to work towards a goal, it helps take your mind off of other things. Your light still shines bright, don’t forget that!
As a teacher AND pain patient, I understand, and u have nothing to be ashamed of. I started as a long-term babysitter, assisted Sunday School, then taught VBS before becoming a children’s librarian. It’s the best job I’ve ever had, no comparison! Esp since kids have to do whatever u say, no matter how crazy (this is part joke, part reality.) And dw that u don’t “need the money”…bullshit. Everyone has secret plans to do something, and it always costs the dolla dolla bill yo. Even if u dont need the cash to survive right now (LUCKY!!!) U can set it aside for future needs (i.e. car repairs, replacing a busted electronic, or giving it to a fellow SP member in desperate need.) JK JK! Lmao if I’m ever that bad off ik ul help raise money for me 😀 But u, Miss, should embrace ur time with these innocents. When I worked with kids I felt amazing! Uk how they say just touching a cat lowers ur blood pressure (true)? Well teaching works the same way. U have a room full of kids, expectant eyes upon u, ready to eat up and absorb every word u say and put u on a pedastal! For better or worse, even if u hate the position, just give it a cpl weeks chance. I swear, teaching, and working with kids in general, is amazing. Give it a week. If u still hate it after that then go and post “ur a fucking idiot!” and “I told u!” all over my posts and the profile I still dont know how to manage… But I bet ur gonna enjoy it and become a hero to ALL the kids. (Do u remember being bullied or an outcast or a “loser”?) Well that’s why so many of us r here. Maybe u have the chance to turn it around, even for jus one kid, and make him realize the world isnt so cruel, he doesnt have to end up a future SP member… Believe in ur abilities and make a difference!! *hugs*
Oh Tris… It’s so strange because right now, even though I’m fairly hopeless and painfully suicidal, I would love to be out of the house working. But I remember when I *did* have to get up every day to go out, and it was the most awful, terrifying, depressing thing in the world to go out there and face society and life in general. I so hope that something will happen when you’re there will make your day better and make it easier. If I could I’d take your misery and pain and hold onto it over here while you walk painless into the world for a day.
Tristeza ,
you can only do your best with what you got, sometime it’s not enjoyable, “no pain no gain” but your dreams will never be fullfilled if you do not try gaurenteed.
That fact that you still have dreams, means that somewhere, somehow, there is still some form of purpose.
“I don’t “need” to have a job to live, but I do because I decided that staying home feeling sorry for myself on Saturdays would simply destroy me even more.”
That one sentence speaks volumes.
You go, Tris. I’m rooting for you all the way, love. 🙂
Hello, guys. I’m getting ready to go have lunch now.
Hehe, I actually love teaching (I guess I forgot to mention that earlier today, but I do lol), that’s why I chose Education School.
I admit that *sometimes* I regret the choice I made, but not because I don’t like what I do, but because when I don’t feel well I don’t teach well and that worries me.
I believe I’m liked by my students, including by the teenagers (that’s almost a miracle lol). I unfortunately don’t teach little children anymore (well, not at work… I do because I’m still finishing my education so I’m the teacher’s assistant on Thursdays for one of my classes).
In one year and a half I’ve had some amazing experiences.
I read your comments and will make sure to reply fully later tonight. I confess I’m feeling a little better.
I know this is a momentary relief, but still… I was sick last week so everybody seems happy to see me today, that’s nice. My pain hasn’t lessened yet though, so I know the day won’t be easy, especially the night.
Thank you for every word and talk to you guys later.
Forgot to mention this (and i mention it to everybody that is young/teacher), have you had some sort of vocal training? if not… get some (specially if you can afford it now). You don’t know how many teachers struggle with vocal issues when they get older because they have no proper training. It might not seem like something important now, but if you plan on teaching long term… yeah, worth looking into. This is coming from someone that has been plagued by vocal issues since birth (thank you for bad genes mom and dad), and that has also seen people with no vocal issues whatsoever lose their voice because of missuse (some of them? you guessed it, teachers).
If you do have training tho…. this was all in vain and i’ll self destruct in 5…4…3…2…
Totally agree with hiohneh to me a good teacher is almost a prophet (in a non religious fashion). I never mentioned this before but I’m sort of a teacher to im a personal trainer -and yes seems dat depression hits those too :)) @Tris what’s the nature of ur pelvic pain if u don’t mind telling? Do you know? I might be able to help or advise
I’m so sorry you are going through this, but kudos to you for getting a job!! That’s so awesome!!! And being a teacher makes it twice as awesome… I want to teach agriculture education someday. We are all rooting for you! Good luck love 🙂
@NoMore Thank you so much for your words. Don’t worry about bringing anything up, honestly reading your email was good because I like knowing people feel the same way I feel about him. Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling like he needs to die a slow painful death because that is totally against what *I* believe as an individual… But truth is that I can forgive almost everything and everyone, however… sadly… I can’t forgive him. I’ve tried to, but I can’t. This feels like an endless cycle of remembering-trying to forget-remembering again… I wonder if he will ever pay for the things he did.
Yeah, I definitely need money, I want to get a new place to live and eventually live my life in a different country, if possible… I don’t really care about being rich though. Of course that living without big financial problems is great and who doesn’t want that? But I don’t care about richness… I work at a private school, btw. I see children with enough money to do basically whatever they want, while the babies at the small, decrepit school I work at with my professor are basically left there to starve in poverty. That’s horrible… I can’t do anything but to compare their situations sometimes…
Thank you for the best wishes, NMOTP.
@Mf Oh god, I need to step up my game and watch more anime, lol. Or just talk about Sailor Moon all the time and I’ll understand everything… Lol btw my favorites are Mina, Usagi and Chibiusa (who doesn’t love Sailor Moon, pls).
I had to take the bus today too, you were not alone heh.
And please do not self destruct lol!
I’ve read a lot about vocal training and my boss talks about that sometimes, but I haven’t had a chance to get one yet. I remember my first month at work… You have no idea, my voice was completely gone after just a few days. Agh… It hurt so bad! Thank you for the reminder, Mf!
@Darvin Thank you, Darvin (: I hope you had a great day today. Hugs! x
@Hiohneh Thank you, hehe <3 I'm not sure if I'm a wonderul teacher, but I like to think I'm at least a good one (maybe we can blame my self esteem for that?). I totally believe that teachers can change lives… Hopefully I will be able to help my students in a positive way.
Your light still shines bright too, I saw your comment here and was like "yaaaay, hiohneh"! ^^
I hope you had a great day yourself! x
@SeeSmith That's an amazing quote (: hehe. And thank you; you're very much loved around here too. We love you too. I really feel like this is an acomplishment, but I'm always demanding so much from myself that I never see the things I do was good enough… I keep thinking about what you said a few weeks ago about trying to forgive myself — thank you for that comment, that was such a wise advice.
@Freetofall I would love to be children's librarian lol. No joke. I met one a few weeks ago and I wish I could do her work for my entire life, hehe.
I always do my best to make people feel welcomed and loved, that goes for SP members and my students as well… One of the cutest things a child ever told me was that he loved me so much that he wanted me to be his mommy. I truly feel like I changed that little boy, and they always change me too… I actually can think of more than one student that changed my life. Thank you for your kindness, I hope I can really make a difference someday… my negativity says no, that the difference and consequential changes wouldn't last, but that's just my depression trying to speak louder than me.
@Trix Thank you so much, Trix. I would heal you if I could, but unfortunately I'm simply a human and all I can offer is my friendship (I promise it will be always the true type).
Honestly I thought the exact same thing before I start working. I confess that quitting would just make me feel a lot worse and bring me down again. I absolutely hate when I quit! Hugs x
@Don Thank you, Don. You're so sweet x
PS. I could pretty much write all my inner thoughts using their lyrics… I guess I might try that someday, heh.
@Rocketman You're right. I confess I'm not doing that awesome, but I'm still strying my best! Hopefully it will be enough.
@Hope432 Thank you. I hope I can at least achieve the smallest of them: finding a new place to live, away from all this emotional chaos that I have to endure here in this house that brings me so many bad memories.
@Mindless Thank you so much. Hopefully you're right. Most of my dreams are simple though — I want to move to a difference place… a new house… and then to a different country… and then to a different planet if possible (o:
Big hug x
@onawingandaprayer Thank you so much. Well, doctors just can't figure out what's wrong with my body. I've talked to many and went through all types of procedures, but they never find out what's been causing me this pain. I've been in pain for, idk, seven years I think… it hurts all the time, every single second of my existence. I was told that yes, they know that my pain does exist, but it might be caused by my own emotional problems and troubled past; I really don't want to believe this pain isn't physical… I swear I feel it every single day and it is completely "real".
@Take a Deep Breath Thank you for your kind words (: I hope you can teach agriculture education someday and that you can be very happy. Love and light.
You’re a teacher and you haven’t seen the greatest anime EVER? (if you are a teacher of course, lol). Go watch Great Teacher Onizuka. Really, it’s one of the greatest animes ever, the freaking faces that Eikichi makes are worth the price of admission alone (…which is 0 if you download it or watch it online, lol). It’s one of the funniest animes i’ve watched, up there with excel saga, ninja nonsense, and ping pong club (but that last one is really gross).
If this doesn’t convince you, nothing will:
h t t p :// 1.bp. blogspot.com/-NZQhh6qvcoM/UQfwrhbvCBI/AAAAAAAACu0/hVFvxn1IBR0/s1600/onizukapervertface.jpg
h t t p :// img2. wikia. nocookie.net/__cb20110407134155/great-teacher-onizuka-gto/images/thumb/2/21/Great-teacher-onizuka_92918.jpg/500px-Great-teacher-onizuka_92918.jpg
In the last one he dressed as a wolf as a sex insinuation. I can’t even to describe how freaking bizarre that is, lol.
As for vocal lessons… well, any phonoaudiologist should be able to teach you the basics on a few sessions, which are not expensive at all. With health care i paid something like 15usd for an hour (it was 25 without it), and they let you record it. The good thing is that you wouldn’t need tons of sessions (most likely 2 or 3), so more than a expense, it’s a good investment. Another route is going to a torrent site and looking up for vocal coach beatty (those exact words). The breathing and warm up parts are great, and build on the foundation that you need until (if) you decide to get personalized sessions. It is for singers, but they also address teachers and vocal “athletes” as they call them (and i agree, speaking at professional levels takes a lot more than people give it credit for).
To be honest i’d be mute if it wasn’t for phono sessions and those cds, that’s why whenever i see a young teacher (or troubled singer) i encourage them to look for lessons. Granted, mine is a special case (muscle atrophy) and surgery can always fix the usual problems that most “normal” people develop, but… yeah, you don’t want to get there (usually surgery). Sorry for the long post!
Thank you for the links (you seem so excited to show the anime that I can bet it’s really one of your favorites, lol). And excel saga was sooo funny, even reading the name makes me want to laugh, but I barely remember much of it anymore! Lol… That’s probably stress. I’m going to check it out and let you know what I thought about it soon heh.
Btw, um he… he seems so sad dressed as a wolf…lol
I was watching Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt earlier after I got home (yep, I know everybody already watched it and that I’m super late), but oh god I already I love it lol.
I guess I’ll do what you said and try to find something online first and then look for a phonoaudiologist (but I have so many appointments to schedule, uhh… It may take a while to happen). I understand I need to look for help before severely damaging my voice for good.
Thank you for the advice, Mf (: I hope you don’t have to get the surgery and that your overall health improves.
And no worries, it’s always awesome to hear from you heh.
If i recall correctly he was sad because he got denied, but my memory is a bit fuzzy… might rewatch it again, lol. And yeah, that’s a favorite of mine, it’s a good mixture of drama/comedy (there’s actually a live action dorama that they made before the anime too, and it’s also good).
As for the surgery thing, what i meant is that the most usual voice conditions in teachers need surgery (vocal nodules or polyps), my vocal condition is supposedly not fixable by surgery since i was born that way. Still have tons of exams and tests to take but they dismissed the brain tumor (so i have all that i had before + thyroid disease instead, lol). Not to worried about it tho, i’ll just live with it until i can.
And yeah, i imagine you must have lots of exams as well (do those ever end?). Do look up the vocal coach thing i mentioned before (it’s a 157mb file), might help you a bit in the meantime.
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22 comments
i hate to bring this up again and I apologize, I am very sorry… but that sorry excuse for a ‘human’ who abused you deserves to die; a slow painful death… a very slow, painful death. He needs to feel the pain he is putting you through…
I know I’m always going to be poor, unless I win lotto, but I never really win anyway. Not big amounts. Sure, money will never fulfill me, just as life itself will never fulfill me.Might help me tie up some loose ends though hmmm
I’ll just say, you might as well try and start this process early. Save up and do what it is you want to do. Of course, money and no money is the only thing that keeps us from having no food and living in parks (easy for me to say as I live with my parents, though I have a tiny little income that I make) – it’s very very easy to get carried away. But, the longer this takes, the more you will deteriorate mentally. I kinda feel theres no going back after that. It’s a very very painful… it never ends.
Despite the pain, you must try to stay focused on what you want to do, and if it requires money try and save up the money from your job and then do what that is. This might save a bit of emotional/mental pain in the long run, I don’t know how much pain it would save, but even if its only a little bit, it is still a step forward…
I plan. I have planned. Zero way to execute any of my plans VIABLY (except to suicide and I am not doing that).
Look, i fucking hate money, but the extra freedom it gives you and that you may help you to achieve your dreams is a great thing. I really really hate the damn stuff… but that aside, if this can help even a bit… its a good thing… A really good thing. It’s best not to be stuck in a mental jail deteriorating so quickly. Maybe it can be prolonged for a while… But, must stay focused
(sorry, tangent)
Most works nowadays are underpaid crap, but teaching doesn’t sound so bad, and you said it yourself: better to be depressed while doing something than to be depressed because you’re doing nothing (physical pain doesn’t help either, but as long as you can take it i guess it’s fine). That said i’m just doing a quick check on sp before going to classes (yeah… on a saturday, damn my schedule, damn it to hell) so no time for references, but i do wish that i was a blonde teacher on an all girls school. Most likely i’d wear white suits and try to keep my past about being a gang member hidden. At some point i might even wreck the principal’s car, and all he’ll be able to do is scream WATASHIWA…. KURESTA!!! while being in tears. After that, i’ll have to run to get the bus now, lol. Hope that you have a nice day too.
Teaching isn’t bad at all, it’s awesome!!!
Have a nice day! :]
The amazing power of teachers is that they can either create or destroy a life. That’s why they call parents our first teachers.
Sorry, that might be rather depressing, but when you teach you change lives. You have a special power that is often overlooked. Minus the bad ones, I’ve had teachers who’ve really helped me. I bet you’re a wonderful teacher.
It is helpful to work towards a goal, it helps take your mind off of other things. Your light still shines bright, don’t forget that!
Have a great day! 🙂
Staying active, keeping in the game, is good! At least pat yourself on the back for getting out the door. That IS an accomplishment!
Here is a quote from my son (at 8) to cheer you up:
“Love is like a piece of pie with an extra scoop of confusion.”
We love you!
Gosh, your son shows more intelligence than most 30+ y/old people that i know.
As a teacher AND pain patient, I understand, and u have nothing to be ashamed of. I started as a long-term babysitter, assisted Sunday School, then taught VBS before becoming a children’s librarian. It’s the best job I’ve ever had, no comparison! Esp since kids have to do whatever u say, no matter how crazy (this is part joke, part reality.) And dw that u don’t “need the money”…bullshit. Everyone has secret plans to do something, and it always costs the dolla dolla bill yo. Even if u dont need the cash to survive right now (LUCKY!!!) U can set it aside for future needs (i.e. car repairs, replacing a busted electronic, or giving it to a fellow SP member in desperate need.) JK JK! Lmao if I’m ever that bad off ik ul help raise money for me 😀 But u, Miss, should embrace ur time with these innocents. When I worked with kids I felt amazing! Uk how they say just touching a cat lowers ur blood pressure (true)? Well teaching works the same way. U have a room full of kids, expectant eyes upon u, ready to eat up and absorb every word u say and put u on a pedastal! For better or worse, even if u hate the position, just give it a cpl weeks chance. I swear, teaching, and working with kids in general, is amazing. Give it a week. If u still hate it after that then go and post “ur a fucking idiot!” and “I told u!” all over my posts and the profile I still dont know how to manage… But I bet ur gonna enjoy it and become a hero to ALL the kids. (Do u remember being bullied or an outcast or a “loser”?) Well that’s why so many of us r here. Maybe u have the chance to turn it around, even for jus one kid, and make him realize the world isnt so cruel, he doesnt have to end up a future SP member… Believe in ur abilities and make a difference!! *hugs*
Oh Tris… It’s so strange because right now, even though I’m fairly hopeless and painfully suicidal, I would love to be out of the house working. But I remember when I *did* have to get up every day to go out, and it was the most awful, terrifying, depressing thing in the world to go out there and face society and life in general. I so hope that something will happen when you’re there will make your day better and make it easier. If I could I’d take your misery and pain and hold onto it over here while you walk painless into the world for a day.
In my life why do I waste my time with people that dont care if i (voice cracks because i can’t sing) live or i dieeee….
Youd make an amazing teacher Tristy
Tristeza ,
you can only do your best with what you got, sometime it’s not enjoyable, “no pain no gain” but your dreams will never be fullfilled if you do not try gaurenteed.
It’s good that you still have dreams. I hope you will accomplish at least some of them.
That fact that you still have dreams, means that somewhere, somehow, there is still some form of purpose.
“I don’t “need” to have a job to live, but I do because I decided that staying home feeling sorry for myself on Saturdays would simply destroy me even more.”
That one sentence speaks volumes.
You go, Tris. I’m rooting for you all the way, love. 🙂
Hello, guys. I’m getting ready to go have lunch now.
Hehe, I actually love teaching (I guess I forgot to mention that earlier today, but I do lol), that’s why I chose Education School.
I admit that *sometimes* I regret the choice I made, but not because I don’t like what I do, but because when I don’t feel well I don’t teach well and that worries me.
I believe I’m liked by my students, including by the teenagers (that’s almost a miracle lol). I unfortunately don’t teach little children anymore (well, not at work… I do because I’m still finishing my education so I’m the teacher’s assistant on Thursdays for one of my classes).
In one year and a half I’ve had some amazing experiences.
I read your comments and will make sure to reply fully later tonight. I confess I’m feeling a little better.
I know this is a momentary relief, but still… I was sick last week so everybody seems happy to see me today, that’s nice. My pain hasn’t lessened yet though, so I know the day won’t be easy, especially the night.
Thank you for every word and talk to you guys later.
I’m sorry the pain is still there. I’m glad you’re feeling just a little bit better. 🙂
Forgot to mention this (and i mention it to everybody that is young/teacher), have you had some sort of vocal training? if not… get some (specially if you can afford it now). You don’t know how many teachers struggle with vocal issues when they get older because they have no proper training. It might not seem like something important now, but if you plan on teaching long term… yeah, worth looking into. This is coming from someone that has been plagued by vocal issues since birth (thank you for bad genes mom and dad), and that has also seen people with no vocal issues whatsoever lose their voice because of missuse (some of them? you guessed it, teachers).
If you do have training tho…. this was all in vain and i’ll self destruct in 5…4…3…2…
Totally agree with hiohneh to me a good teacher is almost a prophet (in a non religious fashion). I never mentioned this before but I’m sort of a teacher to im a personal trainer -and yes seems dat depression hits those too :)) @Tris what’s the nature of ur pelvic pain if u don’t mind telling? Do you know? I might be able to help or advise
I’m so sorry you are going through this, but kudos to you for getting a job!! That’s so awesome!!! And being a teacher makes it twice as awesome… I want to teach agriculture education someday. We are all rooting for you! Good luck love 🙂
Hopefully this comment won’t get too long.
@NoMore Thank you so much for your words. Don’t worry about bringing anything up, honestly reading your email was good because I like knowing people feel the same way I feel about him. Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling like he needs to die a slow painful death because that is totally against what *I* believe as an individual… But truth is that I can forgive almost everything and everyone, however… sadly… I can’t forgive him. I’ve tried to, but I can’t. This feels like an endless cycle of remembering-trying to forget-remembering again… I wonder if he will ever pay for the things he did.
Yeah, I definitely need money, I want to get a new place to live and eventually live my life in a different country, if possible… I don’t really care about being rich though. Of course that living without big financial problems is great and who doesn’t want that? But I don’t care about richness… I work at a private school, btw. I see children with enough money to do basically whatever they want, while the babies at the small, decrepit school I work at with my professor are basically left there to starve in poverty. That’s horrible… I can’t do anything but to compare their situations sometimes…
Thank you for the best wishes, NMOTP.
@Mf Oh god, I need to step up my game and watch more anime, lol. Or just talk about Sailor Moon all the time and I’ll understand everything… Lol btw my favorites are Mina, Usagi and Chibiusa (who doesn’t love Sailor Moon, pls).
I had to take the bus today too, you were not alone heh.
And please do not self destruct lol!
I’ve read a lot about vocal training and my boss talks about that sometimes, but I haven’t had a chance to get one yet. I remember my first month at work… You have no idea, my voice was completely gone after just a few days. Agh… It hurt so bad! Thank you for the reminder, Mf!
@Darvin Thank you, Darvin (: I hope you had a great day today. Hugs! x
@Hiohneh Thank you, hehe <3 I'm not sure if I'm a wonderul teacher, but I like to think I'm at least a good one (maybe we can blame my self esteem for that?). I totally believe that teachers can change lives… Hopefully I will be able to help my students in a positive way.
Your light still shines bright too, I saw your comment here and was like "yaaaay, hiohneh"! ^^
I hope you had a great day yourself! x
@SeeSmith That's an amazing quote (: hehe. And thank you; you're very much loved around here too. We love you too. I really feel like this is an acomplishment, but I'm always demanding so much from myself that I never see the things I do was good enough… I keep thinking about what you said a few weeks ago about trying to forgive myself — thank you for that comment, that was such a wise advice.
@Freetofall I would love to be children's librarian lol. No joke. I met one a few weeks ago and I wish I could do her work for my entire life, hehe.
I always do my best to make people feel welcomed and loved, that goes for SP members and my students as well… One of the cutest things a child ever told me was that he loved me so much that he wanted me to be his mommy. I truly feel like I changed that little boy, and they always change me too… I actually can think of more than one student that changed my life. Thank you for your kindness, I hope I can really make a difference someday… my negativity says no, that the difference and consequential changes wouldn't last, but that's just my depression trying to speak louder than me.
@Trix Thank you so much, Trix. I would heal you if I could, but unfortunately I'm simply a human and all I can offer is my friendship (I promise it will be always the true type).
Honestly I thought the exact same thing before I start working. I confess that quitting would just make me feel a lot worse and bring me down again. I absolutely hate when I quit! Hugs x
@Don Thank you, Don. You're so sweet x
PS. I could pretty much write all my inner thoughts using their lyrics… I guess I might try that someday, heh.
@Rocketman You're right. I confess I'm not doing that awesome, but I'm still strying my best! Hopefully it will be enough.
@Hope432 Thank you. I hope I can at least achieve the smallest of them: finding a new place to live, away from all this emotional chaos that I have to endure here in this house that brings me so many bad memories.
@Mindless Thank you so much. Hopefully you're right. Most of my dreams are simple though — I want to move to a difference place… a new house… and then to a different country… and then to a different planet if possible (o:
Big hug x
@onawingandaprayer Thank you so much. Well, doctors just can't figure out what's wrong with my body. I've talked to many and went through all types of procedures, but they never find out what's been causing me this pain. I've been in pain for, idk, seven years I think… it hurts all the time, every single second of my existence. I was told that yes, they know that my pain does exist, but it might be caused by my own emotional problems and troubled past; I really don't want to believe this pain isn't physical… I swear I feel it every single day and it is completely "real".
@Take a Deep Breath Thank you for your kind words (: I hope you can teach agriculture education someday and that you can be very happy. Love and light.
You’re a teacher and you haven’t seen the greatest anime EVER? (if you are a teacher of course, lol). Go watch Great Teacher Onizuka. Really, it’s one of the greatest animes ever, the freaking faces that Eikichi makes are worth the price of admission alone (…which is 0 if you download it or watch it online, lol). It’s one of the funniest animes i’ve watched, up there with excel saga, ninja nonsense, and ping pong club (but that last one is really gross).
If this doesn’t convince you, nothing will:
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In the last one he dressed as a wolf as a sex insinuation. I can’t even to describe how freaking bizarre that is, lol.
As for vocal lessons… well, any phonoaudiologist should be able to teach you the basics on a few sessions, which are not expensive at all. With health care i paid something like 15usd for an hour (it was 25 without it), and they let you record it. The good thing is that you wouldn’t need tons of sessions (most likely 2 or 3), so more than a expense, it’s a good investment. Another route is going to a torrent site and looking up for vocal coach beatty (those exact words). The breathing and warm up parts are great, and build on the foundation that you need until (if) you decide to get personalized sessions. It is for singers, but they also address teachers and vocal “athletes” as they call them (and i agree, speaking at professional levels takes a lot more than people give it credit for).
To be honest i’d be mute if it wasn’t for phono sessions and those cds, that’s why whenever i see a young teacher (or troubled singer) i encourage them to look for lessons. Granted, mine is a special case (muscle atrophy) and surgery can always fix the usual problems that most “normal” people develop, but… yeah, you don’t want to get there (usually surgery). Sorry for the long post!
Thank you for the links (you seem so excited to show the anime that I can bet it’s really one of your favorites, lol). And excel saga was sooo funny, even reading the name makes me want to laugh, but I barely remember much of it anymore! Lol… That’s probably stress. I’m going to check it out and let you know what I thought about it soon heh.
Btw, um he… he seems so sad dressed as a wolf…lol
I was watching Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt earlier after I got home (yep, I know everybody already watched it and that I’m super late), but oh god I already I love it lol.
I guess I’ll do what you said and try to find something online first and then look for a phonoaudiologist (but I have so many appointments to schedule, uhh… It may take a while to happen). I understand I need to look for help before severely damaging my voice for good.
Thank you for the advice, Mf (: I hope you don’t have to get the surgery and that your overall health improves.
And no worries, it’s always awesome to hear from you heh.
If i recall correctly he was sad because he got denied, but my memory is a bit fuzzy… might rewatch it again, lol. And yeah, that’s a favorite of mine, it’s a good mixture of drama/comedy (there’s actually a live action dorama that they made before the anime too, and it’s also good).
As for the surgery thing, what i meant is that the most usual voice conditions in teachers need surgery (vocal nodules or polyps), my vocal condition is supposedly not fixable by surgery since i was born that way. Still have tons of exams and tests to take but they dismissed the brain tumor (so i have all that i had before + thyroid disease instead, lol). Not to worried about it tho, i’ll just live with it until i can.
And yeah, i imagine you must have lots of exams as well (do those ever end?). Do look up the vocal coach thing i mentioned before (it’s a 157mb file), might help you a bit in the meantime.
Chronic pain is no joke. What would you do if you had the money to live your dreams? I hope that you never lose that inspiration, money or no.