So I’m considering going back into therapy, but am anxious about contacting anyone, and want to make things as clear as possible starting out, before I get caught up in my normal habit of trying to hide how pathetic I really am.
I was thinking something along the lines of:
Hi there,
I’m considering returning to therapy/counselling after several years. I consistently find myself feeling that my life has no value, and waste most of my time and energy in a cycle of questioning these feelings. Although I’m not actively suicidal or impulsive, this cycle causes me considerable distress and greatly inhibits my functioning.
I’m not sure it’s necessarily that I want to change, rather that I’d like to clarify in my mind my reasons for continuing to live, and possibly have someone to remind me of that reasoning when distressing thoughts and feelings overwhelm my resolve. I hope that might mean I find it easier to work towards improving my life, without constantly struggling to re-establish that I do want to go on living.
I should say that I’m extremely stubborn/entrenched in my ways of thinking, and I’m not really interested in learning to ‘re-frame’ negative thoughts, although I recognize it might be helpful to remind myself of positive reasons to live, if I can really believe in them. I’m not really keen on accepting established techniques wholesale, as I need to be able to question an approach thoroughly before giving it a chance. I imagine this may make me extremely difficult to work with.
If you think you might be interested in working with me on that basis I’d be keen to hear back from you.
Regards……..
Any thoughts/input appreciated. As I said, I’m worried about giving someone the wrong idea, then getting sucked into a process that isn’t what I’m really looking for.
4 comments
I think it’s great that you’re looking into therapy and that you wrote out your thoughts and goals. Therapy is a two-way street. Both the therapist and the client need to be on the same page. Perhaps the office will let you come in and discuss what you’re looking for. During that discussion, you’ll also get an idea as to the person you’ll be working with. Treatment strategy, demeanor, warmth, responsiveness, etc. are all things you can measure in-person. An e-mail might not convey the full picture especially when it comes to non-verbal communication and cues.
Sometimes taking the first step toward therapy is the hardest part. You get a lot of credit for taking that step.
Thanks for the input. As I said, it’s me returning to therapy rather than a first step (which I’ve withdrawn from many times.)
I’m anticipating using the first meeting to get a much better idea of them in person – many therapists and counselors near me offer a free first session to discuss working together. I plan on taking a list of things to clarify before agreeing to a contract, which I’ll post here once I’ve arranged to meet someone.
What I’m looking for from an email is an indication that it’s really worth meeting – to reduce my fear of rejection. I’d hate to turn up and find that not only was it not someone I could work with, but that they thought there was no way anyone else could help me either – that would just leave me feeling even more hopeless.
No therapist should ever tell you that there’s “no way anyone else could help” you. How would they know? They wouldn’t. There are dozens of treatment strategies and, as you probably know, nobody responds to a given treatment strategy exactly the same. Perhaps there are treatment strategies that the person you speak with has no experience or education in. They wouldn’t be able to say anything about others helping you because they wouldn’t have any insight into what would be tried.
It often takes a few tries to get on the same page as a therapist. Sometimes we’re not compatible with others we meet (coworkers, peers, etc.) and this is no different. If you don’t click with a therapist that you speak with, it does NOT reflect on you. Sometimes people connect and sometimes they don’t. If you don’t connect, look elsewhere. Perhaps the therapist you meet with could recommend a certain treatment strategy and possibly refer you to an expert in that approach.
I think it’s good.
“(…)before I get caught up in my normal habit of trying to hide how pathetic I really am.”
That is what I have been doing – with everybody, except online. Pretending that I don’t loathe my life and constantly want it to end because it hurts so much.
Unfortunately, it has just meant that people think I’m fine. I think the truth is most people are completely inane and can hardly help themselves, let alone another human being.
The only thing you can hope for is some warmth from their fire.