My husband of four year hates me..
He has lost all of his patient.. He’s very short and snappy with his words..
Little things about me that used to not bother him make him go off
We can never have non-casual conversations anymore..
He raises his voice more often than ever..
His kiss on a cheek or him saying love you is just a daily routine but not out of his heart..
Now he only cuddles, hugs, puts his arm around me, kisses, or is sweet when he wants sex…
I feel like being stuck at a bottom of a pool but don’t know how to swim…
I know our marriage is ending, but I still love him..
He makes me feel so small… but my feelings for him won’t go away..
It devastates me when i realize that this is it.. our marriage will not stay forever..
When he is mad at me, i get scared..
I sometimes wish that he will physically abuse me.. maybe then he will feel sorry and he will stay..
I keep thinking about stabbing my stomach with a knife…
That keeps repeating in my head.. and it has been more often lately..
I’m lost.. I can’t survive by myself mentally without him..
I used to be a heavy drinker in my late teens and early 20s, but I have been more of an occasionally drinker once a month when I can find time from busy life..
I have been pretending to do some extra work at night when he goes to bed..
but instead, I sneak into downstairs’s bathroom and start to drink..
Then I make myself throw up at one point so he doesn’t notice anything different about me next morning..
I have lots of other things going on in my life, but he is the biggest part in my life..
I feel like a failure and I just can’t deal with it..
I wish he was cheating on me..
I wish he just wants another woman..
But he hates me
How do i change that?
I can see the hatred towards me in his eyes..
Too much pain..
I don’t know if I can hold on much longer..
Or I don’t know if I can hold on when he finally gives me the paper
15 comments
I have been where you are. This could have in part been my story, it was my story. I saw my life winding down in front of me. The sun would be shining outside but it never came into my house or life. And I would just sit feeling like I was punched in the gut.
The hardest part was feeling powerless. No control over my life or the course it was going. No ability to have myself seen as loved, needed and wanted. In a way that I needed.
I’m so sorry this is happening. I’m listening if you want to talk more.
That is what I feel like..
I have no control over what is happening..
I am walking on my tiptoes around him just not to make him hate me more..
I am at the lowest point of my life..
I sometimes feel disgusted at myself..
I will even please him just so that I would feel wanted by him even if that was just by human instinct..
Like SeeSmith stated, it is time to leave. And it will be the hardest decision you have ever made. Time for chapter two of the dontakeforever saga. And you know what? I can be spectacular, you just have to start writing the next chapter. Omit him when you do.
He doesn’t respect you. That is a kind of death right there. Go into couples therapy or hire a lawyer. Or endue until you self destruct. Sorry, there is very little middle ground.
I guess I am just not ready to face it yet..
I am just not ready for this to end completely and I am avoiding everything..
I am not denying that this is happening, but I think i’m denying that the end is happening..
I just don’t know if I will be able to get out before I give up on myself
Well Trix has more hope than me. She’s a professional hoper.
Do you think you could talk him into couples therapy? Are you two regular church goers? If so, you may be able to get therapy through a priest.
He sounds like a spoiled child, which means he is terribly unhappy, too. He may feel like he is supposed to solve all his problems by himself. I’m sorry. That’s a tough nut to crack.
Well said SeeSmith.
Have you tried talking to him about this? If not, there is absolutely _nothing_ to lose.
My husband was very depressed for half of his life up until late 20s when he finally regained his life back. He was unstitutionalized for his depression for couple months, he was in counseling/therapy, medications, and etc. He realized that nothing really helped him except him setting his mind to be thankful and regain his life back. So he doesn’t believe in couple’s therapy. We were talking about so and so going to couple’s therapy years ago and he has mentioned that he finds it stupid and will never go even if it comes to it. He thinks if we can’t solve it ourselves, how can someone solve our problems..
I’ve been looking into seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist for myself.
But I’m financially struggling and afraid how much it will hurt to open up
yeah I was stuck in the same circumstances. It’s pointless really. Self care is the most important thing right now. I understand the too broke to to a psychiatrist, I hate them myself but you may really need to see a professional to assist in gaining the skills to break free and carry on with life.
Well, now that he’s got his life back he’s doing a shitty job of maintaining it. Any arguments he has against couples therapy is in effect admitting he wants out.
Of course, opening up in therapy is painful. For the first session. Things get better after that. Compare that possible pain to being trapped in a loveless marriage with a failing liver.
I know it hurts like hell. I know thinking about changing anything hurts like double hell. All I know is for you to end up on this site means you are desperate for something to change.
This sounds truly awful. There are so many specific things you mentioned that I’d like to talk about but I don’t want to get too analytical. He’s clearly done a lot of things that hurt you, and it sounds like you have a lot of pain of your own. If you want to talk about it more, I’m happy to listen. I think you need to talk to someone – ideally someone professional, but anyone. Those problems could make you break to the point that you can’t survive them, and I know you feel close already. But they can also be looked at and some of them can be solved. Not easily, but once they’re solved you won’t feel that overwhelming pain. But you need to face them – slowly, bit by bit. If you let things carry on the way they are without intervening, chances are you’ll become less rational, in more severe pain and using more dangerous coping techniques, whether the problems you’re having lead to divorce or not. Whether you do it for your sake, his, your relationship, your future or anything else, please try to discuss this with other people. A fresh perspective could help a lot, and aside from that, you need the comfort of having someone there to listen when you’re going through something like this.
I have no one to talk to.
My parents and siblings will be devastated once i tell them so i can’t..
I can’t talk to my mother in law who i casually talk to a lot because at the end, she is his mother..
I have very few friends and co workers that i share personal matters with but I’ve been lying this whole time that my marriage is great and everything is fine..
I really think your parents are going to be more concerned that you are in such pain more than worrying about appearances. So you should let go of that belief right now.
dontakeforever, I feel like you are taking pages from my life here. Cramming pain doesn’t do any good. Drinking, even if it is hiding it the bathroom and throwing up may feel really good, but it is just more avoiding it.
So, what is the worst case scenario? You get divorced and are broke financially and rebuilding your life. Man it hurts, I totally get that. It takes a long time for the ego to recover from this kind of casualty. But let me ask you this, do you see living your life like this for another year?
We hell no you already answered that question didn’t you? I was shot to total shit and a total worthless human after I got divorced. But I just started trudging forward, like I did so many other times before. I am thinking once you take action, and in some measure control of your own destiny, you may start to feel better.
I thought the same about your parents. Well, talking here is good too. 🙂 I think Hazy Day Sunflower is right – once you take action you could start to feel better. That goes for any action, whether it’s opening up to your parents about the situation or seeing a therapist or not drinking one day.
Has he mentioned that it seems to be getting worse, or have you mentioned it to him?