So many of my “friends” (i.e. people that I know) have told me that I need to find something that makes me want to live. So I thought and I thought and I thought, and I came up with the fact that books….I can live for books. There are so many books that I can spend my time reading. I’ll never run out of books to read.
So once I figured this out, I started going to the library and checking out 20 and 30 books to read at a time. I’ve begun to read all of the time, spending whole days laid up in bed reading. All of a sudden, that’s not enough for people. According to them, I can’t make a living by doing nothing but reading. I need to do something that would make me some money. Do something I can live off of.
The problem with this is, reading is the only thing that makes me happy. It helps me to escape from my reality. They call me lazy. They say I don’t want to do anything with my life. A part of me wants to prove them right. I’ve had the idea of mixing ambien, over the counter sleeping meds, and alcohol. I’m not under the impression that I’ll die, because I have a roommate, and she’s likely to call someone if I get sick. So I’m hoping that this will get me put in a hospital, or a mental facility where I can go mute and do nothing but read all of the time. The problem with this…is money. I don’t have any money, but I have health insurance, but I don’t know if they’ll pay for a mental facility, or how long they’ll pay.
I don’t know if this is a good idea or not. I’m just trying to find alternatives…I’m sorry that this is so long, but I’d appreciate it if you read it and give me responses.
5 comments
My ideal job is working at a bookstore or library, to be honest. not a money maker, but something to pass the time and it would probably give me some measure of contentment.
There’s also content editors for publishing companies. You’d have to get way familiar with the workings of grammar and i don’t know if you’d work on books right away, but that way you would essentially read for a living.
Not a long post at all, actually.
But that idea of yours about being put in a mental facility where you can do nothing but read — they wouldn’t let you do that.
And they are wrong about you being lazy. I’d rather be surrounded by books, too. Just because what you want out of life is more toned down than what they want doesn’t mean yours is less.
I don’t think it’s a good idea. Even if it worked out how you wanted (and it could be far from the experience you’re imagining) I think it could lead to bigger problems long-term.
It’s definitely not laziness. We all know that isn’t true. But it’s clear that you’re always trying to escape something. You shouldn’t need that constant distraction from your reality to make you happy. That should be seen as a problem in itself. I’m sorry those people don’t realise why you’re doing it. People were the same with me in the past when I used things like reading to distract myself. No one seemed to think there could be any reason other than the idea that I couldn’t be bothered. I suppose they’re just frustrated, but I still think it’s sad that they’ve turned to laziness as the most likely reason you’re doing it. They don’t sound like very positive people to be around.
Following on from x’s comment… it might not be possible, but it would be great if you could find a job related to books or reading. While I don’t think it’s ideal to need to rely on one thing so much to want to live, it’s great that you’ve found something you like doing so much.
I fail to see the problem here except the money part. Read as much as you can!
Dealing with you friends:
Them: Let’s go out.
You: Sorry, can’t, no money.
Them: Lazy!
You: You are not my friend.
You: Whaaaa! Whaaa! Whaa! I have no money!
Them: Lazy!
You: I was whining, I guess I deserved that.
Them: Yes you did.
You: You are a good friend.
I agree with Trix and x that you might enjoy a job that involves books or doing research. Do you write? Have you thought about writing book reviews? You could start by writing voluntary reviews for a library newsletter or just volunteering at a library and seeing if you like it. What do you like to read?
A stay in a mental facility will not be the relaxing escape you think it will. Avoid that, if at all possible.
What do you do to cover rent, food, etc.?Because you said you live with a roommate. If you already have your needs covered, I see nothing wrong with being into reading.