I’m perpetually depressed, I have no one, no friends, no one to love me or care about me. I wish I could just end my life, but I can’t even do that.
I don’t see how “things will get better” when it hasn’t for three decades.
I have suffered all of my life. My childhood was filled with abuse, my 20s and 30s has been wrought with illness and injuries, ones that affect me every day of my life and will never get better. I am in constant pain. I’m not in my 40s yet but my miserable existence begs the question: What is the point of living?
6 comments
You seem so very lonely. I just wanted to let you know I read your post and am thinking of you.
thanks
bah, i like “bah’s”.
Bah is a signature onomatopoeia for the lamb and goat. Bah is also a method used by artists in music to fill dead space in a song, and add a little stereotypical variety. I like those bah’s whether they are mediocre or not.
Which brings me to this Bah, You seem alright I suppose. I like your disposition, not because you’re miserable, but because you seem like you have a rich understanding of pain and hopelessness. I would say I am sorry for your misfortune, but I couldn’t possibly understand them well enough to properly apologize. ‘
Either way, welcome, some are comparably miserable, and others aren’t, I hope you find a way to extract some meaning from it all.
You write really well avidsmoker. I wish I had a rich understanding of love and happiness instead of pain and hopelessness. Sigh.
When depression has me, I can’t see the positive relationships in my life. I am nothing. I am the same stupid little girl who always tried to please Daddy yet was never NEVER good enough. Always stupid. Always less.
When my depression is managed, I see the good I do. I see the love in my life.
Hope is a good thing, maybe the best thing.
Hold on to hope.
That’s the whole point, is that I have NO hope. It’s been over 3 decades. Everyone is always telling me “things will get better.” When will they get better? When I’m 60 and 6 feet under?