Today I saw my old love and I was happy . We just listened to music and laid together . And I felt content . But the second I left I feel so alone . I’m so unhappy . Any second I’m not around something that can make me happy , I instantly become sad again . I really want to die. I wish I could order a hit man to kill me. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy . This all seems pointless as fuck . I have such bad anxiety now anyways around people that I don’t think I’ll ever make friends . Then I sit inside and let my thoughts eat me alive . I don’t know what to do . I wish I could go .
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3 comments
Going back to an ex boyfriend isn’t a good idea in my experience. I understand your situation though. I’ve been going through that with a guy I dated casually recently. He had my heart and understood eachother. We would be together a full week at a time and I would be happy. Then when I get back home, I’m so empty and alone again.
He would pull disappearing acts. Like I wouldn’t hear from him for days and he would say he was depressed. He suffers from PTSD, but my heart can’t take hooking up and him abandoning me. I kinda left an angry message on his phone so maybe I won’t hear back anymore. Haha You can’t just leave a girl hanging. It was a disaster situation anyway. I faced racism from others in his area, even his own brother he lived with. Not worth it.
Kinda know how that feels. I’ve had long talks with my mom about a similar situation in her life (which extended to mine) and we reached the conclusion that some people sort of just need someone in order to feel happy. I guess they never teach you stuff like that when growing up, but for some people learning to be happy (or at least at a peaceful place) without relying on others is hard as fuck. Plenty of years have happened since we reached that conclusion and… heh, i’m still having trouble to learn and accept that.
I just wanted to let you know I read this. I don’t have any answers tonight.