hi my name is magnus i have went with depression being socially out and much more today i have gotten help but i feel that a childhood were i dont remember much else than a few good birthdays here and there othervise just alone bullied and allways fighting the other kids in constant paranoia when i was 8 to 10 years old had anger mannegement issues and all but after a depression i today at the age of 17 only just started at the age of 15 to feel happy and free from depression my doctors and parrents say that i prolly did not really know how real yoy was like before i got help with my depression that is how young i was when it all started no wonder i dont remember much from my child hood but i am afraid it has taken its tool for the last year i have gotten more and more flashes of me doing something like stabbing some one i love to poor boiling water on them just doing those i love the most the worst pain you can inflict and when i got back from the flash i allways feel angry and recently started to feel the urge to actually do it now it is my every day life and i start to have difficulty cornecting with new people and really feel were i have them i have wanted to call 112 (the same as 911) and just talk with them so i made this procosion : if i after a violent flash see my self with a knife or some shit and have the urge i will put it down and try to get away in order to call the cops/112: do you guys think i sould just get my old doctor and tell him or keep on living with the rule i just told you pls tell me im after a year of this crying for an answer. sry for bad english btw.
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I think you should get in contact with your old doctor but also reach out for help if you find yourself having these violent urges.
I think you should get treatment again, however you can. Calling an emergency helpline will help when you find thoughts becoming unbearable but also seek outpatient treatment as well.
thx for your opinion what i hate about it is i feel like there is me that whant the best for others and would take a bullet and then i just get these flashes and urges to hurt others it tbh make me want to eat a gun so i wont be a danger for those i love but then i would hurt them more but i try to not think about it.
I think a lot of people can relate to how you’re feeling. I’ve had thoughts about wanting to hurt others as well. They were very intense. It’s good you know that these are bad thoughts and you shouldn’t act on them.
I do hope you find a way to get rid of these thoughts. Sometimes a creative outlet, like writing, will help. Distractions can be helpful when it comes to bad thoughts like these. Feel free to post here when you feel down.
Also, your English is great. 🙂
thx the only thing i have tryed is meditation but i find it hard because i feel like i am getting attacked by a demon or some shit so i get afraid and cant get to be a part of the scilence but the thing that scares me the most is that i have startet to loose my grab on people. i have allways been able to tell with good precision how they feel because if i talk directly to them i just have a ground sense of feel of how they feel and the same is if i enter a room i can allmost feel if something bad happend there but i find it more and more often that i just lose the grasp on people with it and im afraid of it getting worse i am just starting to look forward to a simble life and then die of some natual shit later on if you know me i dont want to lose my fucking mind here. got not better when i got schizophenia explained because it pretty much nailed how i have started to feel but how can i tell man.
I find meditation hard to do but I heard it does help some people. Unfortunately, I haven’t gotten the hang of it.
Maybe you need to have another psychiatric evaluation if you feel you need help finding out what’s wrong and how to treat it. Try to contact your old doctor and also talk with your parents if you can.
I agree with hiohneh.
okay thx i will get my old doctor and say it as it is.