The first translation I ever read on the lotus-eaters was in a Latin class. It never mentioned anything about “perfect apathy.” On the contrary, it mentions how Odysseus had to drag the men of his that had eaten the flowers back to the boats, kicking and screaming. Then he had to chain them to their benches, so they wouldn’t jump ship and try to swim back to the shore.
Everyone tells me that it’s up to me whether I get better. Hah. Can you see my dilemma? The lotus-eaters had to be dragged. They wouldn’t’ve come of their own volition. Why does everyone expect me to?
You imply you are happy where yoh are now. The lotus eaters considered themselves in a state of perfect happiness. From the outside it was clear they were deluded. But we’re they really? By whose standards do we measure happjness?
There’s essentially no hope for me. And I’m considering moving my “expiration” date closer, because I don’t think I can last until August.
My entire life, as short as it’s been, has been leading up to this. I’ve been Hell-bound from the start. I knew this even as a little kid. This is my purpose. And I’m done denying it.
I used to deny it because I didn’t want it to be true. I was scared.
And, well, I’m still scared. Very scared. But I know now that I can’t fight it, can’t change it. So what else is there to do?
I’d very much like to hear them. I didn’t take this decision of mine lightly, and I assure you that if there were any obvious alternatives I would’ve tried them already.
But you’re older and smarter than me, so, you could have seen something that I didn’t.
Well if you are going to kill yourself anyway why not just go do anything and everything you want? I’m not being glib either. Tell that boy on the bus he’s cute. Get on a train and go cross country. Back pack across the mountains. Call up your step brothet and tell him he’s a fucking loser (um oh that’s me). I was thinking today…I have nothing to lose. If I plan on killing mysrlf I’m going to just go all out. I just applied to 20 jobs half of which I don’t think I’m even remotely qualified to do. But you know what? If they call I’ll go on the interview because I have nothing to lose anymore. Not a thing. I have no control over my moods half the time. I wake up some mornings and I don’t even know who the hell I am. So fuck it. I’m going to just wing it. I always have the option to blow my ever loving brains out right?
I like that idea. It isn’t an alternative to death, but it is a pretty nice substitute for what I’m doing now. I’m thankful for that advice.
All that being said, I hope I’ll be able to enjoy myself while the looming threat of Hell looms over me. I’m very jealous of you, Hazy; you don’t believe in that stuff. If I shared your beliefs, I’d be long dead by now. I’d have no fear.
Because believing isn’t enough. After all, even the devil believes.
To be God’s daughter, I have to carry my cross and follow Him. Produce fruits of the spirit.
And I’ve tried that, and failed. I’m predestined to condemnation.
But thank you for all of your support, Hazy. I appreciate it so much.
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It doesn’t sound like you are sleeping in perfect apathy.
No, I guess not.
The first translation I ever read on the lotus-eaters was in a Latin class. It never mentioned anything about “perfect apathy.” On the contrary, it mentions how Odysseus had to drag the men of his that had eaten the flowers back to the boats, kicking and screaming. Then he had to chain them to their benches, so they wouldn’t jump ship and try to swim back to the shore.
Perfect apathy is a concept of bliss. Which is why the were kicking and screaming back to the boat. Your translation is appropriate.
That makes sense.
Everyone tells me that it’s up to me whether I get better. Hah. Can you see my dilemma? The lotus-eaters had to be dragged. They wouldn’t’ve come of their own volition. Why does everyone expect me to?
You imply you are happy where yoh are now. The lotus eaters considered themselves in a state of perfect happiness. From the outside it was clear they were deluded. But we’re they really? By whose standards do we measure happjness?
Those are good questions.
I know I’m not happy in that true, wholesome way. I’m happy in an animal kind of way. Like scratching an itch. Hope that makes sense.
There’s essentially no hope for me. And I’m considering moving my “expiration” date closer, because I don’t think I can last until August.
My entire life, as short as it’s been, has been leading up to this. I’ve been Hell-bound from the start. I knew this even as a little kid. This is my purpose. And I’m done denying it.
I used to deny it because I didn’t want it to be true. I was scared.
And, well, I’m still scared. Very scared. But I know now that I can’t fight it, can’t change it. So what else is there to do?
Well I can think of three things off the top of my head to do instead of dying. I mean if I was given the choice. Die nor or…
I’d very much like to hear them. I didn’t take this decision of mine lightly, and I assure you that if there were any obvious alternatives I would’ve tried them already.
But you’re older and smarter than me, so, you could have seen something that I didn’t.
Well if you are going to kill yourself anyway why not just go do anything and everything you want? I’m not being glib either. Tell that boy on the bus he’s cute. Get on a train and go cross country. Back pack across the mountains. Call up your step brothet and tell him he’s a fucking loser (um oh that’s me). I was thinking today…I have nothing to lose. If I plan on killing mysrlf I’m going to just go all out. I just applied to 20 jobs half of which I don’t think I’m even remotely qualified to do. But you know what? If they call I’ll go on the interview because I have nothing to lose anymore. Not a thing. I have no control over my moods half the time. I wake up some mornings and I don’t even know who the hell I am. So fuck it. I’m going to just wing it. I always have the option to blow my ever loving brains out right?
I can’t even seem to ask for a divorce the right way so fuck it. I’m going all out. I’m even ordering pizza tonight. Pizza I can’t afford.
You go, Hazy. Enjoy that pizza!
I like that idea. It isn’t an alternative to death, but it is a pretty nice substitute for what I’m doing now. I’m thankful for that advice.
All that being said, I hope I’ll be able to enjoy myself while the looming threat of Hell looms over me. I’m very jealous of you, Hazy; you don’t believe in that stuff. If I shared your beliefs, I’d be long dead by now. I’d have no fear.
Well pizza is a sad substitute to living well. I sound braver than I really am. Still. Pizza. Yum.
What you need us a blazing sword to combat hell with. I giant blazing sword. You have the faith in God now all you need do is shape it into a sword.
I heard that you aren’t really getting any pizza. I’m very sorry about that.
I don’t know if you mean a figurative sword or a literal one.
No real pizza. Nope. Completely pizza less
Faith = sword
@whiskered: Why don’t you swing your faith sword at your demons?
Because believing isn’t enough. After all, even the devil believes.
To be God’s daughter, I have to carry my cross and follow Him. Produce fruits of the spirit.
And I’ve tried that, and failed. I’m predestined to condemnation.
But thank you for all of your support, Hazy. I appreciate it so much.
Typos sorry.